Bittersweet

Riley started school a week ago. And Mallory starts today. I knew both of them were a little apprehensive about the new school year. Riley was really ready to get back. I believe she would go all year if she could, but she was a little uncertain about her new teacher and classroom friends. I am feeling much emotion about Mallory starting "big school." It is a huge transition for her and me! Being a stay at home mom I am beginning to understand the rhythm of the year. There is such a huge transition into summer, and then again, another huge transition when they go back to school. During summer, every moment of my life is occupied. And then bam, once again, I will have some time. Wow!

I know what I want to fill it with for the most part. I have been to yoga maybe 3 times this summer. Yoga makes me feel peaceful, alert, alive, refreshed, at peace. And I wonder why I feel like I have stalled in my healing journey. I haven't gotten on the treadmill or moved my body nearly as much as I would have wanted to. I want to read. I want to have an adult conversation uninterrupted. I want to clean out my house. I look around at the house and I see all of the projects that I need to get after. And then I think, wow, I will be alone to do those projects. And that makes me just a little sad. Yet when the kiddos are home, I can't get anything done.

I need to make appointments - doctor, dental, mammogram. I want to continue to declutter out the wazoo. I think I am getting more and more of a high with cleaning. I'm thinking that perhaps I could slowly replace the eating addiction with another more healthy addiction, like cleaning. Another large task on my agenda, a biggie is that George and I decided to add on a keeping room to extend the kitchen area. I am excited about having some more living space but slightly dread dealing with the whole process. But it means that I get a new kitchen floor which thrills me, but I will be responsible for dealing with it all and we have had a few bad experiences so I am trying to keep it balanced.

It is still hard for me to believe that I'm done with Jefferson Baptist MDO and preschool. For six years, it has been a large part of my life. A very useful, grateful part of my life. Now both of the girls are at the same place! One starting time, one ending time, wow!! It hit me after being in the survival mode of the summer, the reality that I will have from 8 to 3, on my own. Oh my gosh! It is exciting and today both Mallory and I have butterflies.