Adele - Rolling In The Deep

I can't stop listening to this. The words go by too fast for me so I look up the lyrics just to understand what it could be about. And that is open for interpretation. This could be my theme song. All of this internal work, what a perfect title...rolling in the deep.

The first lines are:
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and bringing me out of the dark
Finally, I can see you crystal clear

Yes! The fire, coming out of the dark, and with some space, I can see things so much more clearly.

I love her voice and the beat, it feels primal at times. I know I've heard it because the song has been out since February but sometimes you have to hear it at THE right time. It was on Idol this week and it struck me. On Idol and on other stages, you can watch kids with big voices sing, but I respond to the ones that have "it." My friend and I have determined that "it" is the fact that they are conveying emotion of some experience of theirs to us and we connect with it. I love when it lines up that way.

Learning to Ride

Riley has been learning to ride a bike since last summer. We begin the process while we were in Rosemary Beach on vacation and there was a lot of drama, with both George and Riley and then George and I. Riley would get upset, and then George would get really frustrated that Riley was whining, then Riley would respond even more negatively to George. I could see her whining was fear but it "bugged the crap" out of him. And I didn't even consider that I could take over the job. I was standing in the back and leaving it to George. I have more patience than he does, I needed to step in.

A few weeks ago, I worked with her in the grass section of our neighborhood park. I ignored the whining and just kept telling her to get back on the bike. I didn't take the whining personally. Eventually I felt she would "get it."

Well finally it happened, gradually over time. For the last few weeks with our wonderful spring weather, the girls and I have ridden around the neighborhood ON OUR BIKES, all together!! I am so proud that we finally have this maneuver down and can exercise together. And yet we still have one more pair of training wheels to take off but in due time.

Last night which was Good Friday, we went for a family bike ride after some very delicious boiled crawfish. The weather was splendid, George was home!, and it felt so nice. Riley was riding fast and I thought, "uh oh." She took a really good spill, and there was blood on both her elbows and a knee. At first she planned on walking... all the way home. I gave her a little encouragement and she got back on AND with very littley whining, we finished our original ride plan. I was so proud of her. She had to fall off the bike to learn not to ride so fast. There are things that your children have to learn on their own. We can't do it for them. This IS the way that I am teaching her to do things on her own. These are the babysteps. We have a long way to go but I am so excited that I am learning how to be present with my children and that I have it in me to teach them life skills. I am learning to ride too! It is my life's mission right now. That, losing weight, and world peace. {smile} Happy Spring, Happy Easter!

Finding happiness...Within yourself?

I have had messages that come through with the same meaning from different sources and I am learning to pay attention. One via a Facebook friend's post and that was from Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr: "It's all a matter of becoming who we already are."

Hmmmm.

And then I saw J.K. Rowling on Oprah, and I have not read or watched one Harry Potter movie but I thoroughly enjoyed her fascinating story. But when she said the following, it made my hairs stand up. Oprah asked what her dream of happiness is and she replies, that in the first Harry Potter book, Dubbledorf says to Harry, "The happiest man alive would look in the mirror and see himself exactly as he is."

I have been coming to grips with looking in the mirror and knowing who I TRULY am for a couple of years now. It is a slow process but one in which I am making headway. I am able to see myself more and more clearly and accept all facets of myself even the ones that I think aren't so wonderful, and some of which I am seeing for the first time. I use to think the process was "out there" somewhere. To be "happy" I needed to go out and conquer the world in some way, lose so many pounds, or be exactly on target with life's plans. And you know that saying what happens when you make plans. The messages keep coming and I know now It's about the internal process and enjoying the moment right now. I am treasuring each moment with my children, (And some are easier than others, we are currently on Day 5 of togetherness with George on call and Spring break!!) but I know what blessings they are. They bless my life in ways I could never have imagined before I had them. I love being able to go through the amazement and wonderment of life through their eyes.

And lastly, another quote that is attributed to Marianne Williamson.

Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.

Wow. The love is there. The higher power put it there from the beginning. And the barriers are there from family conditioning and one's own personality. I am digging deep to find it and allow it out with all the pain and grieving that comes with it. But the barriers are coming down slowly.

A visit with a Physics Professor

On a recent trip to my oft visited Ochsner Clinic, this time was actually for me to check on my foot problem, I was having a day full of emotions, lots of crying and sadness. Grieving situations that will not change and over which I have no control except for letting it go. I was sitting in the waiting room, and a kind looking older Indian man walked by and we smiled at each other. We spoke, and I said I thought I knew him from somewhere and he took my hand and said that it didn't matter if we did or didn't, we were enjoying THIS moment right now. I knew exactly what he was saying as Eckhart Tolle IS in my library. I had been prepped by over 2 years of therapy. I had been prepped by my Spiritual Quest studies. I had been prepped by watching Oprah for many, many years. I understood what he was saying.

We did eventually deduce that his grandaughter attended Dunham and I had seen him there. We sat and talked for a long time while we both waited. It was the most pleasant encounter with a total stranger and it was such a bonus to experience it on THAT day and I believe it was a holy spirit led interaction. We discussed the fact that I was into Psychology/Counseling and he is a Physics professor. Immediately I thought, well that's over my head. But we continued talking and I had pulled my phone out to look up the cause of my foot pain. He asked me to look up the Institute of All National Advanced Studies of which he cofounded, so I did. I read what Wikipedia had to say, and one line said that the group believed that "inner peace within each individual is vital to the establishment of meaningful world peace." I looked up and said, "Well, Mr. Physics, we might have more in common that what Miss Psychology previously thought" And we laughed. And I have since looked into physics and that is more about energy flow and understanding things that are not easily defined by hard science.

We laughed together many times. We chatted about life. And he told me more than one time how I had a beautiful aura. In my heart, I know I do. In my heart I know I'm heading towards what I am thinking is a hippie like, free love state minus the drugs and sex with strangers and inclusive of a Higher Being! For the last 2+ years, I just keep thinking Birkenstocks in my head and you know my new orthopedic shoes aren't that far from them!!. But as he said the words about my aura, I knew it and I know I feel myself moving towards more love, less fear, less anxiety, less judgement of myself and others. It is a very freeing place to move towards. And the weekend that I had at a Richard Rohr seminar only continued the theme of my journey. All things that I am led toward keep giving me the same answers. Hmmmmm.

"Hard Habit to Break"

Every now and then I flip to the Love Channel on XM radio and by chance, I will hear a song that takes me back a couple of decades and I really enjoy it. This song was on...



And all I could think was I switched from the bad habits of boys in 8th grade to the bad habit of food. I can remember how it would be the end of the world if the guy didn't like me as much as I liked him. Such drama. But of course, now the habit to break is not necessarily with food, it is how I think, and changing my world view on a much deeper level.

I do love music. And if you look at the comments on You Tube of the video, someone commented, " Man, I hope heaven has an 80's bar" Priceless!!, This morning that just got me. Loved it! Maybe because I'm examining things so deeply and so heavily, every now and then, I just need to lighten up. Perhaps I can become more sarcastic like Bethenny Frankel. I love her show and the fact that they show her in therapy. Half the time I am thinking exactly what she is saying. I can get out all of my repressed feelings and project them on to other people. Why do I have to be nice anymore?

Anyway, I also enjoy looking at videos of songs and bands that I never saw before but listened to and knew every word. Growing up, I had no cable until college, so I never saw MTV or VH1. This poor sap just listened to the music and imagined what the people who were singing looked like (I know I make it sound like the dark ages). Someone posted this on FB and it just cracked me up. See what you think from 1982.



OMG, I never imagined a rooster in the beginning, or everybody dressed in all white with fringe and cowboy hats or the drummer's drumsticks being on fire the entire song! Thank you internet, what great memories.