Yes, really.
This is new territory for me.
This is new territory for me.
Last week, I was the co-leader for the craft activity for 350 kids during our week long Vacation Bible School at church. This step has been years in the making. To others around me, I can tell, it's no big deal. And in some ways, it really isn't. Except this was me in a leadership capacity, I NEVER EVER saw myself doing.
Progressing in my shift from fear to love, one of the things that I have learned, is that it is a very slow journey. And progress is seen, after the fact. What I noticed this week, is that I rolled with things that were uncomfortable for me. There were problems and imperfections that would have thrown me into a huge tailspin in the past. As I wouldn't speak up in the past, acting on my intuition is new territory. I enjoyed seeing the needs, acting on what needed to be done and watching my directive occur.
I like working with adults more than children. It's just a fact and my truth. I enjoyed chatting with my adult volunteers. The thought of going back to be a guide leading kids is not appealing at all. And I've been in a few capacities during VBS for the last 10 years.
After I came home each day last week and the adrenalin slowed, I was utterly exhausted. During the week, I took to my bed as much as I could around the needs of my children. I know that there is no doubt, I am an introvert. I'm a friendly introvert, but social interactions, leave me drained. I can only recharge by being alone and doing absolutely nothing. No internet, no tv, and no talking, just solitude. When I'm exhausted, I eat as it feels that I will never have energy again. This particular feeling appears to be a difficult one for me to overcome. There are so many times that I am tired. But, this also gives me more time to practice, right?! {smile} I use to question, why, why am I so tired? And I would think no one else in the world is tired like you. I judged myself unmercifully. I have learned not to question it anymore, it just is. And I have to not beat myself up about the overeating. Self-love is the only way out of this and as I have read and listened to experts in the field of compulsiveness, I need to be curious about the behavior, not judgmental.
I am doing things I never thought I could do. And it takes practice. This is my written reminder to practice self-love.
A few weeks back, after I lead a week of Mission Day Camp with the kids, I ran into our Spiritual Formation Director and I said working with kids really wasn't my thing. She said there was a need for adult teachers in several studies...
This seems very, very appealing. I get excited about that. I may be on to something. And all of this practice in other areas that didn't necessarily excite me has been laying a groundwork to step out in areas that do follow my passion.
Namaste.
I like working with adults more than children. It's just a fact and my truth. I enjoyed chatting with my adult volunteers. The thought of going back to be a guide leading kids is not appealing at all. And I've been in a few capacities during VBS for the last 10 years.
After I came home each day last week and the adrenalin slowed, I was utterly exhausted. During the week, I took to my bed as much as I could around the needs of my children. I know that there is no doubt, I am an introvert. I'm a friendly introvert, but social interactions, leave me drained. I can only recharge by being alone and doing absolutely nothing. No internet, no tv, and no talking, just solitude. When I'm exhausted, I eat as it feels that I will never have energy again. This particular feeling appears to be a difficult one for me to overcome. There are so many times that I am tired. But, this also gives me more time to practice, right?! {smile} I use to question, why, why am I so tired? And I would think no one else in the world is tired like you. I judged myself unmercifully. I have learned not to question it anymore, it just is. And I have to not beat myself up about the overeating. Self-love is the only way out of this and as I have read and listened to experts in the field of compulsiveness, I need to be curious about the behavior, not judgmental.
I am doing things I never thought I could do. And it takes practice. This is my written reminder to practice self-love.
A few weeks back, after I lead a week of Mission Day Camp with the kids, I ran into our Spiritual Formation Director and I said working with kids really wasn't my thing. She said there was a need for adult teachers in several studies...
This seems very, very appealing. I get excited about that. I may be on to something. And all of this practice in other areas that didn't necessarily excite me has been laying a groundwork to step out in areas that do follow my passion.
Namaste.
No comments:
Post a Comment