The Staging - Before and After

In getting the house ready for market (NOT), I employed a wonderful stager named Cindy Smith. She helped me with vision and thinking out of the box. I have always wanted some assistance in this and although we are not moving, we still have the wonderful after affects of a new less cluttered vision. I apologize in advance because I can't line the pictures up exactly as I would like them but I think you get the idea. The house does not look like this anymore...for one brief week or so, it was spotless. I have to relive that wonderful week of neatness in pictures. I wish I would have videoed it!!! The children want their "little table" and the mini-trampoline back.

In the kitchen, our toy armoire as I call it. I don't know what the actual name for this piece of furniture is but the now darkened windows still holds toys and craft items.







Master Bedroom




Master Bathroom Before and After - but you can't see the precious black & white rug or black and white hand towels and I just can't take or upload any more pictures right now.










There is that treadmill...one of the catalysts for wanting more room. I really do use it. It's normally in the down position.

My baby turned 4

Mallory is now 4. She has been waiting for months for her birthday. Everyday she has been asking, "Is today my birthday?" and this started maybe back in June. This second child and baby of our family is four years old. Wow. Yes, time is flying, and I wrote about that before.

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I went back and looked at her baby pictures and looking at pictures of babies or especially seeing a baby in person, takes me back almost immediately to a dark place. It doesn't matter how cute they are. Babies give me an immediate anxiety, and then I work through it in my head and then pretend that I love babies the way you are supposed to. I have the exact opposite reaction of most people. I DO have post traumatic stress from my postpartum depression. I see babies, I think, crying, sleep deprivation, more and more crying and that's not the baby. That was a little joke there, he he he. I'm thinking one day I will get to the point that I can joke about the experience but it so profoundly affected my life and how I parented in the beginning that it's still not funny and I still haven't worked my way through it.

I also have to accept that it was SEVEN years ago...my personality was maybe not that off from what it would have been had I not been in that dark, lonely, isolated pit of despair and maybe it didn't affect me as much as I thought it did. Or maybe I just have to let it go and move on. I bet that is what you are hoping for. I want to as well but these feelings are still here. It was traumatic I think especially in conjuction with the long struggle to get pregnant. I realized in looking back and talking to the social worker that I had the anxiety before I actually gave birth, and that is not uncommon either from what I learned.


Carrie Fisher wrote in her latest autobiography about coping with mental illness. She said something to the tune that people that have mental illness need to be patted on the back instead of shamed. Do you know how much harder one has to work to survive on a daily basis with mental illness than a person who does not??? But instead the person can't talk about it at all because it's taboo, and shameful. You can't be proud of it. I asked my therapist why I want to talk about it in public, and get applauded for what I made it through. She thought perhaps it's our western society, which wants to be recognized for everything we do. The superbowl champions, Olympians, the Oscars, the MTV VMA awards, all major recognition for their accomplishments. Kanye can't accept that someone else wins an award. I want a pat on the back for surviving PPD. Kanye and I need to get over it and move on.


But I digress, we had a fabulous time celebrating my beautiful wonderful baby daughter's birthday. Yet, she's not a baby anymore. The flashbacks can cease. She is a thriving, smart, active, funny breath of fresh air. I'm grateful for her and her sister however we got here. Happy 4th Birthday Mallory!!

Change of Heart & Pocketbook!

The For Sale sign in the yard is gone. At first it was for the reason that would make sense, the house is under contract which it was, after two days of being on the market. Yes, there were buyers who saw the house on Sunday, after the listing Friday before last and made an offer. Now, the sign has stayed down for another reason, as in, we don't want to sell the house anymore. Yes, I actually said that. We are crazy, but it is one of the sanest things that George and I have ever done (as long as we get the signatures that we were told we would receive.)

George received news on Friday that made him believe his salary will go down this time next year. We sat down and did the math again, and it scared us to death. We can't do this, we really can't. We have two kids to educate at a wonderful but pricey private school, etc. We grew up as kids who did not travel and we have tasted traveling and we want to explore and expose our children to other parts of our country and world if possible.

Friday night, we are sitting at our newly cleaned off dining room table, and we add up the figures of everything in our expense column and what would be the new credit column and it made no sense for us to get a bit bigger house. The house we are in began to look quite fantastic. There is nothing like the idea of being house poor to make the one that you never quite liked the exterior of, to begin looking quite rosy. Now we had to let our realtor know, and in turn the couple whom we had a purchase agreement with. We must beg for mercy that they will let us out of this contract. We felt completely sick about this, and prayed that they will be an understanding couple (after all they understood when an overtired Mallory had a massive, crying, screaming meltdown that left them cowering in my master hallway while they were here for the inspection. They commented that they had raised young girls themselves intimating that it was not new territory for three year olds to throw tantrums)

George and I received the biggest lesson in appreciating what we have. We had bought into the desire to have more, a slightly nicer neighborhood with a pool, another bedroom and an office. There is nothing like having the rug pulled out from under you (aided by our own actions), to make you appreciate the floor. It doesn't matter that it was a buyer markets and the interest rates are so low. In the past, I had felt completely grateful for our house staying intact after Gustav. Nearly everyday I am reminded of the randomness of natural disaster as I drive by a house in an adjoining neighborhood that was destroyed by a tree during Gustav and once again I am feeling completely grateful for THIS house.

Yet we were the manufacturers of our own potential disaster. We were sick, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and awaited hearing back from our realtor, whom I'm sure was not pleased in losing out on commissions on both houses. After waiting most of the day but what seemed like forever, we received a voice mail message that said the couple would let us out of the contract. I cried, and we were both so relieved. We feel awful that we let the couple down, and led our realtor astray but feel like we dodged a financial bullet.


The lesson that we learned is, it doesn't matter what we see others having, what matters is our bottom line, no comparisons. We would rather live under our means in THIS house. We would rather be able to travel, eat out and things like that than live house poor. The children really don't need a bigger house. All of the anxiety I had about putting them in an upstairs that they said they wanted, yet I knew at least one of them would change her mind, must have been trying to tell me something. I hadn't slept well for weeks, perhaps this was the reason. We will figure out how to share the space we have, think out of the box to make room for what we need. The outside of this house has never looked so good.

Sign in the Yard

There is a sign in my yard. Here we go. Ever since we moved into this house four years ago, we knew we would eventually move again for a little more space. I picked this house in haste as I was pregnant and ready for four bedrooms in a hurry. Our realtor says we are right on target. We owned our first house for 5 years, this house for 4 years but when we end up in our next house, I don't want to go anywhere for a long time (like 20 years!)

I have been working non-stop for the last month on getting this house ready for that sign in the yard. Many thoughts in my head. Mallory has watched too much tv, and I will be oh so glad when preschool starts up. I miss yoga, I need the destressing. I haven't been to yoga in at least 3 weeks. I wake up at 4 in the morning thinking about this house stuff. So many details, finances, keeping the house straight, where to hide jewelry, laptop, financial papers. (They are locked up now!) The house is as ready as it's going to be, I was going to try to do touch up paint in the 2 hours before we had a showing yesterday but George said no, thank goodness.

We have staged, we have cleaned, I have decluttered constantly, brought bags of donatables to Connections for Life, put a few plants inside and out, added pine straw outside, stored furniture and pictures, and painted. There is no wonder why I'm exhausted. This house looks better than it ever has AND Riley is learning to make her bed. I LOVE the look, less everywhere, clean lines, no junk anywhere (well, hidden very well.) Poor Mallory likes to make tents and hide under things, there is nothing to hide behind any more. Everything is up.

Now the wait begins, who will come and look, will it be sold in a timely?? manner. Do we know where we want to go? All of this makes me think at times, do I want to do this anyway? And in the end, I do but it is so much change and uncertainty. Living with uncertainty with grace. Selling your house is not a big deal in life compared to other more important things like health but I will be glad when it's done.

Plus Size

I saw a story on the "Today Show" about this photo that was in Glamour magazine. There was a huge response from women who were congratulating the magazine over publishing a picture of a real woman. The model's name is Lizzie Miller and she is a size 12/14 and has a tummy. This is plus size. Don't get me started on that one. The average American woman is a size 14, but that is plus size. Aaarrrrggghhhh.

I also just read a story (I admit in People magazine) over another model who had anorexia, came to terms with it and began eating again and become a plus size model. She decided to stop starving herself and working out 8 hours a day. It described how she ate nothing but lettuce and water during the day and would get up in the night and "steal" a spoonful of peanut butter and then after realizing the fat she was taking in would try to spit it out and then go to bed hungry again!! What models have to do to stay that size is incredibly sad, demeaning and that is what our culture looks up to and puts on it's magazines and on top of that, there is airbrushing.


I just saw a few minutes of "The Devil Wears Prada" the other night. I am always drawn in when I come across it on cable. High fashion does seem so useless to me at first glance. To me, the movie tried to make sense of it, in that they spend bookoodles of money, time and energy on, just the right look for an issue. And then you end up with the cerulean blue sweater that the character Andy has on (I had to look up how to spell cerulean, because I'm not sure I was aware of that color before.) And in the end, I have to say it's all about art, people expressing there artistic talents and that ends up trickling down to what I the consumer can choose to buy. But what is sad is that they have women who are human coat hangers pouting down the runway, and are hungry. The models make a lot of money being that skinny and some fall trap to eating disorders, drugs, etc. to maintain that weight. And the crux of all of it is that THIS is what makes me feel bad about myself and my size. AND THE REAL POINT that I'm learning is that I'm letting it make me feel bad. There I got it!!!

(An ironic side note in that Meryl Streep the consumate actress who played in the movie, is a size 12/14 from what I gather from her remark in response to a reporter mentioning her 14 Oscar nominations and she retorted, "And I'm a size 14!") There was a bit in the movie about two being the new four and zero being the new two and that six was the new fourteen. That hurt, but once again, I let it hurt.


People magazine use to be my guilty pleasure but now I realize it may be doing more harm than good (and I'm getting tired of Kate Gosselin being on the cover, GO AWAY KATE!) It is just fun to look at the pictures and see what the celebs are up to. And a more redemptive reason is that I really do like their book, music, and movie reviews (can you smell rationalization!) Yet, after reading another article about once again another actress losing weight and this case it was Melissa Joan Hart, I had the thought, I need to stop reading this. Her beginning weight is my goal weight. And I need to STOP comparing myself to others, especially those whose living depends on how they look.

The most important aspect of all of this is that I want to model healthy body image, self image and eating habits to my daughters (and by that I mean, eating until I'm full and then stopping). They are going to be exposed to so much more media than I was as a young girl. I have to instill in them acceptance at any weight but the teenage years are hard. So kudos to Glamour for putting a "real woman" in the magazine, and I know it won't happen often but I will celebrate when they do. I also buy Dove products because of their campaigns showing real women. But the work to be done does not have to do with what is out there but on what is going on inside and that is what I have learned.

House, House, House

I have been working on the house everyday for three weeks?, a month, I'm not sure. It's looking good, but we still need more room. I'm going to put up some before and after pictures in the very near future.
I have a post I need to finish about the "plus size" model. I haven't been able to finish it but it's coming. Very impactful on the work I'm doing about weight and self image.
We are taking pictures today to put the house on the market, woo hoo!!! I have to get back to work.

Staging

You know, decluttering has become my favorite pastime. And it seems with a young family there is a perpetual need. At least, I have job security. Recently a long awaited for desire came true. I have always wanted a professional organizer to come to my house and help me transform it (he he he). I did have a person come to help me with my house, but she is a "stager." We are putting our house on the market and our realtor recommended Cindy to help us make the house look more buyer friendly. Our goal is curb appeal, minimalism, as well as colors to make the house look more spacious, depersonalization, and things like that. Who knew staging would make me want to stay in my house...(well they did tell me that it happens sometimes.)

I do still want to put my house on the market (although this is a LOT of work) but my house is looking so good that I have entertained once again how we could add on some more space. It just can't happen the way we need though. George wants bigger spaces in spots that are tight, like in our master bathroom and in the kitchen area where the refrigerator is in the wrong spot as well an extra room to put my treadmill (yes, I use it) and Mallory seems to want to sleep in her own room again. So we shall proceed, but I am so enjoying what has taken place so far. I have woken up giddy in the morning, thinking my house is getting in order.

The first day, she went through my kitchen and put everything that was "undesirable" on the granite island. (that is for any potential buyers - all counters are slab granite) It took me a week to clean off the island and find where to put necessary things in a hidden spot. The house feels so much cleaner, lighter. I wake up in a good mood because there is a freeness in the house. We have proceeded to: move and remove furniture, take down a ton of pictures, change curtains, shower curtains and rugs, add curtains, and go through playroom closet. And then my job is to then take care of all of that extra stuff that has been removed. I have gone through so many "spaces" in our house, the big spaces (entire rooms and closets) to the little spots, like under the bathroom counter cabinets, kitchen cabinets, mudroom closets, and drawers. It is very time consuming, but each thing gets me closer to my goals. The first being getting the house ready to show and two, having less stuff to move when the time comes.

I have realized I need goals. I can work hard but it is helpful for me to have a goal in sight. Knowing I am working toward the master plan of selling the house, and thinking a house that we might want is slipping away, I work harder. I learned this about myself with the mini-triathlon and it's good to be reminded about setting goals or having a specific motivating factor. I need it to get me going some times.