A Little Something to Dream On

 Over the weekend, I engaged George in assisting me to declutter.  Sometimes, I need a warm body for companionship but one with a high reach is always especially helpful.  My main goal was to get the bookcase next to my bed cleaned up as it was overflowing.  There were steps to the process both literally and figuratively. There were hard decisions to be made, this time about books to keep or let go of as well as objects that had special memories but no place for display. As I was trying to find space to move books around, I came across a book in the living room bookcase (as opposed to the bedroom, dining room, or spare room bookcases!)  I immediately knew who it was from. 

It is a small collection of essays about Provence given to me by Aunt Joy, my father's one and only sibling. She passed away in 2003 before I knew exactly how much we were alike.  I am still becoming aware of who I am and giving myself permission to do so.  It has been a reassurance that I was like someone in my family.  Aunt Joy moved away from our hometown of Ethel after high school, went to college for social work and married a doctor in New Orleans.  She loved the arts and to laugh.  Her advice for family get togethers was to avoid discussion of religion or politics.  

She and I would have been okay to discuss politics because I believe we were on the same page, I just didn't know it as clearly as I do now.  

I would have been interested in her take on religion as well. 

The book had an inscription and was dated 1990.  

Something to dream on.  

Provence.   Excitement bubbles to the surface as I thought of our upcoming summer trip. 

Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! 

Am I going to Provence? 

We have a European school trip planned for June including France.  Are we going there?!!!  

I run to find the itinerary and I actually know where it is!!

I cannot remember things as clearly as I use to.  And I NEVER thought I would be traveling to Europe... again.  My family went to the UK in July and it was extraordinary.  A trip I will never forgot.  When I think of it, I am filled with JOY.  

I find the papers. 

WE ARE GOING TO PROVENCE! 

How thrilling!  This is a huge God wink and I take it in.  Thirty three years later,  and a present from the past comes alive again.  A wonderful time to remember my aunt, to remind me to laugh, and to Dream. 

How many dreams do I have now?  It seems like I stay more concerned with surviving and working to stay peaceful in my heart and mind.  This is a wonderful check to ponder dreams. I have dreams for my children but what I am dreaming of for myself.  At times, I don't feel worthy, but in this particular instance, this book and this trip, is totally kismet.   

Also, dreams don't have to be grand.  They can be quietly purposeful.

Namaste

Aunt Joy with her grandson Jack around June 2002 on a riverboat in New Orleans.  I would have been pregnant with Riley due in October 2002.

This picture was taken outside of her home on 39 Lark in New Orleans. From left to right, My brother (in chair) Aunt Joy, cousin Kay, myself, and my mom and dad.  The date is sometime in the late seventies? 

Decluttering And Sacred Moments with Marie Kondo

Summer is upon us.  Yesterday, both of my children were out of the house.  I have been reveling in time alone and flitting from one thing to the next.  I could not concentrate on just one thing but I moved between twenty tasks.  My emotions were up and down.  The day started off with some blue feelings, I wrote, tears fell and I became energized. 

It was time to address the closet, it has been calling.  I want to streamline, get rid of clothes and anything else that is no longer in use.  This is easier said than done.  There are some fantastic memories associated with some clothes and other items.  I have read or heard that if you haven't worn an item in a year (perhaps 2 after the pandemic) then it's time to let it go. 

Long ago, I had watched only one episode of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.  For some reason, it did not resonate with me.  I don't know if it was the language barrier but I was not drawn to it.  As I ate lunch yesterday, I decided to give it another try for inspiration.  

It was the right intuition. 

I watched the homeowner, a recent widow and Marie meet and discuss plans.  They sat down at a table and discussed her goals for her house and for her. 

Then there was something very powerful which made me fall in love with Marie.  Marie told the homeowner she wanted to greet her house.  She got up walked around and found just the right spot and knelt on her legs sat on the floor and prayed. 

Oh yes! Cleaning out clutter is a spiritual process.  

(But there was more to come!)

I wanted to get on the floor and speak to Divinity about my intentions and goals.  Make plans for how I want to live my life in this house.  I want to think about the energy in the house.   It will soon be changing as my eldest is leaving for college which leads me to think of the empty nest in three more years.   Whoa. How did that happen?

Intention. For much of my thirties and forties, I took it to heart that I was a follower and people pleaser.  I did not know who I was and how to follow through on my own intentions.  I am learning to listen to my intuition, my gut and recognize the divinity that is guiding me.  Being in a quiet space like yesterday, really allows me to listen.  

I continued to watch "Tidying Up" and Marie blew me away again!  Her advice was to hold an item and see if it sparked joy.  

Oh my.  Yes!!!

Today, I could take in her message. 

Many items I keep, like shoes, I do so because they were expensive.  Would I ever wear them again?  Never, I think maybe the kids.  SMH. Nuh uh.  Some of them hurt my feet and I decided not to do that anymore.   So does that item spark joy?  Nooooo.   Instead it carries shame that I didn't wear them enough or that I had spent too much money.   And then there's the clothes that might fit in the future?  Nooooooo.

Why do I do that to myself? 

Conversely,  if I have a very positive memory of a shirt that I don't plan on wearing again,  she advises to hold it, acknowledge it and let it go. I Love that so much!   In a way, I had been doing a version of this with my daughters.  We would take pictures of items, especially stuffed animals and let them go. 

It's clear to me now, that this rule applies to all surroundings including people.   Do they spark joy, make me feel better or worse about myself?  Do I let go of trying to make things work with people it just doesn't?  (emphasis on work) It is hard to let people go though.  I can get on my knees, thank them for the role they have played thus far and let them go, or let my idea of them go.  I may have to do this several times over, because some people are harder to let go than others. 

This was such a simple but profound lesson. As I began to write again, I wanted to hear the exact words Marie used about sparking joy.  An interview of her & Stephen Colbert popped up.  He asked why Americans responded to her message of tidying up and sparking joy so much and it was because...we have clutter in our hearts. 

Those words permeated my body and straight to my heart.  I felt them and know them to be true. 

Marie Kondo...wow. 

Thank you. 

My bag of shoes is waiting to be donated.  

Now the rolling of the clothes, I need more time. 

Namaste.💕

Putting the Air Mask on First

During Christmas break, I tend to lose my marbles when the kids are home 24/7.  It's just the way it goes.  And every year, I forgot that this will occur, and finally after 13 years as a mom, I'm starting to catch on.    I get cranky, short-tempered and yearn for any adult conversation at Easter, Mardi Gras, Thanksgiving and Summer Vacation.  During this past Christmas break,  putting the air mask on first, what airlines tell you to do in preflight demonstration before you put the mask on your child, resonated with me big time.

It really sunk in.

It is one thing to have intellectual knowledge of a notion or idea it is another to put it in practice. (And for it to go well.)
I have read and talked about many parenting ideas that I know are right from an intellectual standpoint
yet putting ideas that I recognize to be good in practice requires much discomfort.

I saw an incremental change during the last school break. On the spur of the moment, I decided to go to yoga and leave the ten year old with the thirteen year old (and the ferocious guard dog and the alarm system on!)  The ten year old DOES NOT LIKE staying at home with the thirteen year old.   The thirteen year old who herself has Red Cross certification and one babysitting experience under her belt, DOES NOT WANT a sitter anymore. So what's standing in my way, is the beloved heart and nerves of a ten year old.  (On this particular occasion, my husband was able to leave later for work, and off I ran.)

But this time, I was going for it, no matter what.  Even though it made my ten year old uncomfortable, I wanted and needed to go.  In the past, I would have hedged back and forth, the child would have seen that I was hesitant and they would have gone for the jugular for me to do what they wanted.

The practice of yoga, feeds my soul and works out my body.   I feel refreshed, renewed, and mindful afterwards.  It is exactly what I needed to take on the rest of the day and school break.  And it hit me that this is what it means to put the air mask on first, because then you are better able to handle what comes your way.   This was actually practicing that idea with one caveat.

I would do things before that were FOR ME but I would feel GUILTY over it and WORRY the entire time.  This was one time, I walked away and left my worries at home and focused on myself for an entire hour.

It was almost better than an orgasm.

And it lasted longer.

I came home from yoga, went straight to Mallory and said, "I know you didn't want me to go and I appreciate your cooperation, I really love to practice yoga and it makes me feel really good" (...Laying the foundation for future yoga sessions)

And the kicker is this act of putting the air bag on first is teaching my children to take care of themselves.  Losing my mind and being short tempered, is not how I want to love my children or myself.

Taking care of me, helps me take care of them AND most importantly they learn from watching what I do.  Not what I say.  What I do.

Inside Out

I saw Inside Out yesterday afternoon with my girls.  I had really been looking forward to it as the movie is about emotions.   Yes, emotions! The characters names are emotions!! Really.   How much more could this appeal to me?  The central character was an eleven year old named Riley.  

Seriously! 

 I laughed, and I felt like I had to cry but couldn't.  I still feel blocked up about that.  I have been studying emotions for the better part of my entire life.  I've always been an observer.  Getting a Masters' degree in Counseling was just the beginning of my formal training.  I'm sure that it began earlier than that, in childhood.  Now, the last 7-8 years I've really been concentrating by using therapy, life occurrences and a passion to understand feelings.  Infertility and postpartum depression blew me away.   I felt so lost and alone.   Therapy helped me to begin to understand what was going on and to heal. 

Along the way, these are the issues that I have delved into head first:  dieting and exercise, eating disorders, compulsions, codependency, spirituality, religion, The Twelve Steps, mindfulness, perfectionism, self-esteem, forgiveness, acceptance, dying, and grief.  One has led into another and my life has opened up beyond measure.

But yet still I hide.  I feel like I hide. 

There are so many thoughts I have and I have spent so much time studying and learning, yet still I think I don't know enough.  I will always be a life long student but I do know some things.  I don't give myself enough credit.  

I am still afraid to tell what I really believe.  

I think one of the reasons that I do, is because I still label myself overweight in my head.  Because I have not attained perfection in my body size that discounts all of the thoughts in my head, my life experience, and the intensive study I have undertaken. 

So I still have low self esteem.  {chuckling}

I don't know what it is. But I feel like breaking out of this.   This coming school year I have less on my plate - less volunteering with things I felt I had to do.  There will still be volunteering just in another capacity - with less planning on my end.  I am currently feeling passionate about the following things: getting my house in order (clearing the way for a cleaner vision), practicing yoga, and planning time with my friends.  

Oh, and running a household and raising two daughters.  One being a teenager very, very soon.

I just can't sit around and wait for the phone to ring.  I have to get off my tuckus and initiate things myself.  

Here goes.

Namaste.

My Name is Carolyn and I'm a Knowledge Clutterer

I took a quiz after watching my favorite cleaning guru, Peter Walsh on Rachel Ray.  And this was my result below.   Ha ha!!  Not surprising at all.  I have gotten really good at decluttering but the area I have the most trouble with is…

Paper.  

I have many, many books, and I do have binders and notebooks from college.  I have ripped the band aid off and recycled magazines.  I learned to let them go.  I knew the article that I hadn't read would come around again.  

My desk in the kitchen area is my most shameful spot.  I can't manage the paper flow in my household.  I have often wondered why is it so hard to let go of the box of paper underneath the desk.  I so want to have a clear vision and this is BLOCKING me.  Well, it's my soft spot.  I may just have to accept this is who I am.  

But I don't want to.

More work to be done.

You’re a Knowledge Clutterer

Stockpiles every book she has ever read or hopes to read and or every issue of Architectural Digest ever published – believing that if she owns the book, she’ll inherit the knowledge; has a full anthology of their college textbooks and binders and keeps them to remember the glory days. Mail has been left in stacks to look at “later”.

Classic Knowledge Clutters: 
Book club members; enthusiasts of coffee-table books; and post-college grads with an English major.

Clearer House, Clearer Vision

I want to clear my house of clutter.  I want to have a place for everything in my house.  But there are so many areas that need attention that it is overwhelming.  My stuff, my husband's, my two daughters, two dogs, two cats and now two dwarf hamsters.  Uuuuggghhhh.

This has been on my mind since school began.  This is my goal this school year.

Yet day to day life interferes with what I want to do.

But today, right now, I will stop and clean for a few minutes.  One step at a time. One area at a time.

Today, I will start with my bedroom.

It is my sanctuary.

Clearer house, clearer vision.

It Just Takes Time...

Isn't it ironic how the state of your house reflects what is going on in your life personally?

This summer we undertook a major bath remodel and now things are progressing in that way where you continue to see things that need changing and the process goes on in smaller ways.

Once the Master Bath remodel decision was made, that was it, we are not going anywhere.  We have dug in and decided to make this our home for the next decade.  We got a new wood floor in our bedroom, the girls got new granite counters and mirrors in their bathrooms.  We are systematically changing out the fixtures throughout the house to bronze.  First it was door handles and this weekend, George changed out 57 door hinges.

And then, I begin to look at furniture.  I decided that the bright blue comfortable reclining chair and a half, does not fit the vision in the keeping room anymore.  George concurred and I began looking at fabrics.  I'm trying to match what is in the room already: flooring, paint, rug, couch and wall hanging.

The issue at hand is a large tapestry.  I bought it several years ago and I was quite proud of my purchase.  Designing my home space has moved from being daunting to quite exciting and challenging in a good way over the years.  Twelve years ago, the tapestry looked good.  Yet now I'm looking at the fabrics for the new chair and some of them are really appealing to me yet something is holding me back.  The ones I really like do not work with the whole room.

After I complained about "matching things", my designer finally suggests that I just need to take that tapestry off the wall.

That thought hadn't occurred to me.

What was once useful no longer works.

I thought the task of changing out 57 door hinges was herculean.  Counting the number that you need, getting to the store, and finding the "right" ones at the store.  George amazed me with drill in hand, how fast he changed out each one.   I was willing to put off this task for a long time because it was just too much, yet having all the parts match, looks so good.

A profound thought occurs...  Why have I always thought, "oh no, that's too much" before I think of the possibilities of taking action and saying "yes" first.  I have ALWAYS thought "I can't" before I have thought "I can."  For my whole life it seems I have operated from a place of no.  These NO thoughts have held me back and cluttered my brain with negativity for so long.  Yet, they are dissipating slowly and surely.

The tapestry is down and folded and will be donated.  The mission of finding just the right piece(s) has commenced.  One piece of art has already been bought and returned.  Upon walking out of the store with the second option, I glance up at the outside display, spotting just the right pieces and know that I will be back again to return what I just bought.

It takes time and practice to get it right, in the house and in the mind.

Summer 2012 summed up in pictures....

Disney Trip - First week of summer break

Out with the old corner tub

Picking out wood flooring for Master Bedroom

Picking out granite for Master Bath counter

Picking out tile and stones for floor and shower floor: (Here's a theme: lots of decision making)

Had exterior of the house painted. 

Ongoing battle of Annie the dog versus the cats, Princess and Morgan:  Annie loses every time.

Picking out granite for girl's bathrooms. 

Our first load up of donations to Connections for Life in new SUV. I love decluttering!

The girls and I walking Annie:  Precious quality time with my children that I wasn't expecting.We talk about pee and poop but also good stuff too!

Demo on Day 1 of VBS.  Long but good week.  The dust traveled everywhere from the tile being ripped up.

Picking out Paint Colors

Week of VBS teaching - 400+ kids!  Lots of energy!

New 6 foot tub and shorter counter to fit tub.

Pensacola Beach: Riley on boogie board in background, Mallory in foreground.

And school starts right around the corner...

Can I get rid of Greys Anatomy?

I'm in that mode again...it's de-cluttering time and it feels so right. (sing "Reunited" by Peaches and Herb right here. I kept singing it as I went through the kids' stuff recently) One of my friends described decluttering as emotional therapy and it really truly is. Purging what is not needed, or wanted as it just clutters up the space, and the mind, and the emotions. Now that the holidays are over, it is time. I have gone through stuffed animals, toys, some clothes, and George helped me purge our paper clutter this past weekend. It feels so good but alas, the job is never over there is always more.

One way I declutter is on the DVR. Cox's new format actually tells you how much space you are using and I start to get nervous when it hits 80% full. There are certain shows that I don't want to give up on. Here is where my codependency loyalty comes in. I remain loyal to tv shows (ie. people) in my life that don't work for me anymore. I use to watch Grey's Anatomy faithfully every year, I really enjoyed it and looked forward to it. Season by season, I stopped looking forward. Last year, I didn't watch any of the taped episodes until Christmas 2010 when other shows were in reruns. And this Christmas, I still found DVDs from the library and Netflix to watch instead. It's time to let it go. I watched one episode and it didn't do a whole lot for me.

I just erased 8 episodes!! and I kept the last one just so I could fastforward to see what is happening. I can figure this out by watching the recap and then the previews for next week. You can also just read the recap online which sometimes takes less time than actually watching the show. I'm not falling apart, I do vaguely want to know what happens to Derek and Meredith and the baby they were adopting.

Now....I have to make the DVR stop taping it.

A First World Problem

I have a bookshelf next to my bed, it's a comfort to me. And I have magazines piled on top of the bookshelf gathering dust and cluttering. This is not a comfort. I have known for a few years now that if I don't read the magazine when it first comes through the door, it is not going to be read. Even with that bit of knowledge, I don't act on cancelling the subscriptions or getting rid of the issues in a timely manner. Why?

I have new cleaning ladies coming in this week for the first time in a few months. So I am running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, trying to get EVERYTHING picked up. And this is how it goes....

I walk into the laundry room to put batteries in a toy for Mallory who is sick at home. I see the cat litter box needs cleaning and make a mental note. I look in the washing machine and there are wet clean clothes. I open the dryer and see dry wrinkled clothes so I turn on the steam cycle. I walk back to the kitchen to wash dishes and Mallory asks me for the toy I put down in the laundry room with the new batteries. I go back to get it and the timer has gone off on the dryer, and then I see the towels that need to be washed. And Mallory has a food request which I take care of and then see the dirty dishes. I remember the clothes that are warm and walk and sit down in my bedroom to fold what was in the dryer and flip on the television which reminds of something to look up on the internet, which I do. And then I go back to the clothes and notice the pile of magazines on top of my bookshelf. This goes on and on and I am mentally worn out.

And I get it, I have to stay on task, and it seems like my anxiety of getting "everything" done works itself out by me running around like that chicken without a head. First of all, I shouldn't be doing the laundry because the laundry has nothing to do with the house being picked up for them to clean. Secondly, I need to pick one room at a time and focus (except for Mallory's needs). So yesterday, I look at the pile of magazines and they are so appealing.

The titles call to me, "Spring Cleaning Shortcuts", "Organizing Solutions for Every Room" "Energize your Life" I love the IDEA of them. The titles CALL out to me. But the magazines lie around and cause me stress. And then when I do work to get rid of them it is in a PERFECT way... First, I must donate them so somebody else can gain benefit from reading them. I choose which ones I can part with, then ask Riley to black out our address, then bring them to George's attention in a pile so that he can bring them to the hospital waiting room.

Why does it have to be so perfectly handled?

Looking at the title, "organizing solutions" I thought... my freaking solution is to dump these directly in the recycle bin and cut out all of the other steps, which is... what... I... did. And it felt good. With some hesitation that I am missing out on some information in those magazines. And I ponder on the idea some more. My answers are not in these magazines. I did stop and glance at the one article that I'm holding onto the magazine for and it tells me nothing new. It's not like I can't find the information somewhere else or on the internet when I really need it. I've already listened to the experts, I've watched Peter Walsh, I've watched Clean House. I just need to get "the stuff" out of my house AND not bring any more in.

But boiling it all down, the answer is in me. I'm looking towards these experts and the external when the answers are internal. I'm putting my faith in some expert out "there" instead of myself. I am just learning to trust my instinct the last few years and getting rid of all of the "should's", "supposed to's" and other faulty logic. The answers have been within me all along. I am trusting myself more and more and the distracting unproductive thoughts are falling by the wayside. And the more I trust me, the more I can focus to think out of the box and find new ways to handle old problems.

(The title is thanks to my good friend who uses this term when our problems are not the basics like food, shelter, running water, etc.)

New Furniture!!!

The new furniture from Christian Street is in and I love it! The cats are making themselves at home and following the no food, drink, or pens rules. Riley loves to play office or school in there and there is a place to hide her papers inside the ottoman! Mallory really wants to have another television but I am holding out for a tv free room.
I am so happy with our choices. The furniture is comfortable. It feels very fresh and we switched rugs with the keeping room and it works. There is a certain feeling of peace everytime I walk through the room. (And there is no guinea pig cage!!!!!)

Now, to add some wall hangings and window coverings. Always something that needs to be done.

Goodbye Guineas

We acquired guinea pigs many months ago and the return was not what I expected. In my decision making to get them, I blathered on in a blog about having more creatures to love. (Roll eyes) We (and that means me, and if George got home in time) had to feed them fresh vegetables and fruit EVERY day and let them run around in a larger space and clean their cage, yada yada yada. (In hindsight, I think we treated them very well, probably better than most) It became a necessary evil. So before Thanksgiving, I told the girls and George that if we did not interact with "the pigs" more and if they, the girls, did not help, we would look for a new home for them at the start of the new year. Mallory was sad (but was already pushing for a dog (NO!)), Riley was ready for them to go immediately and George thought that we should stick with our commitment...to the pigs.

George then tried to ingratiate them on (to?) us, and on Thanksgiving Day he let them run all over the house, which was fun momentarily and then we had to catch them. But they STILL needed veggies EVERY day, along with dry food, and hay. I kinda got tired of the fact that they ate better than the rest of the house. They nipped at me when I took them out and they didn't seem to want to be picked up or caught. I know George thought we should follow through on our 5-7 year sentence, but the kids interest fell by the wayside as did my enthusiasm. I would rather battle the kids about other issues than taking care of those pets that weren't "doing it" for anybody. I do think if we had put more time into them they might have been more playful... but it was time to cut our losses. So yesterday, we packed them up after school and delivered them to Petco so they could be adopted. I was sad at leaving them but my decluttering self knew it had to be!!

A new family will adopt Lilly and Brownie and I will no longer want to scream at night when I have ONE more thing I have to do.
One very positive aside, is that our two cats, Morgan and even Princess the persnickety have become much more desirable. They are loving and cuddly. They follow us around and want to be petted. Easier to feed. I've got one curled in a ball next to my as I type.
And my new living room floor is hay free. (Big smile)

Blank Slate

This is what my newly refurbished wood floors look like.














This is what my garage looks like because of my newly refurbished floors.













I am so excited about starting from scratch in the living room, dining room and foyer. I am not going to put anything back in that does not meet with our vision and yes, I guess I have to include George's vision as well. You know, husband and wife aren't always in sync! But we managed to find a new sofa, some chairs and ottoman that I fell in love with immediately and he agreed upon or maybe he just let me go with it? I picked the fabrics in a matter of minutes and it just fell together. I am letting go of furniture pieces that don't fit with the vision and it feels so freeing. Peter Walsh would be so proud. I just wish it went as fast as it does on their show. I do want to be able to park in my garage again, but I will be getting rid of the excess furniture first. And as it has been pretty cold around here, the sooner the better.

A blank slate feels so good. I am continuing to clean out other stuff in all parts of the house and the feeling is cathartic. I am still amazed that I continue to get so much pleasure from it. Maybe it won't ever wear off?! I hope not. Time to go get after it some more.

Dancing in the Empty Space

It's a new year and time to clean out, I see clutter everywhere but right now I have been cleaning out kids clothes and toys in part to make room for the new Christmas stuff. We are also moving GaGa's belongings out of her independant living apartment to the nursing home, donating, and putting some in storage. Decluttering has been a relevant topic for me for a while but as GaGa is facing the very real end of her life it takes on more meaning about "the stuff." We go through the stuff and I immediately see everything that can be thrown out. Then I see the things that are important to her. She has been at my house when I am trying to get rid of MY junk and she has kept some of my stuff because she doesn't want to let it go. With her things she stops and asks, "Carolyn, do you want this?" and I who am getting rid of more and more stuff at my own house and am finally embracing simplicity, is struggling but saying no. It feels like I am rejecting her by saying no. So finally as we were going through more stuff, I told her, "When I say no I don't want something, it doesn't mean I don't love you" She shook her head in what I think was understanding yet...

I didn't finish the statement, and at some point I will because we have a good relationship and I am learning to speak up to those around me. What I will say is you are not the stuff. My memories are not going to be tied to having your things. Everything that I have learned and loved about you is in my heart and my mind.

This is so freaking powerful for many reasons.

It's not about the stuff. When I watch the shows about hoarding and see people holding on to their deceased loved ones' stuff, I think in part to avoid the pain of grieving or some other pain. I feel their pain in a small way and think about my own. I look at my own life to see where I can accept the pain and let go to make my own vision and become my own self. Humans and animals avoid pain at all costs. And it's the perception of pain as well.

There are things that I want to keep of course, pictures, documents but not Christmas towels that hang on hooks. he he he. I have been watching many episodes of "Clean House" and also Peter Walsh's new shown on OWN, "Enough Already". Recently, Peter said in regards to kids toys that over and over again when he has cleaned out a house, that each and every time, (here it comes...) the kids dance in the empty space.

It has happened in my own house. I have watched my own girls do that a few times and realize that it is the space we love, not the "stuff" that we buy to fill a void. And we love the people who are present with us and engage with us. Our children want us to engage with them.

And I love love love this idea of dancing. Of embracing and loving life to it's fullest extent. I'm going to brew on this a while.

Letting go...of the clothes

Cleaned out the Master Closet with the help of the girls on Monday. I was primed and ready to let go of clothes. And then I began feeling sad, as I was letting go of the memories. But mainly the sadness was from the nice clothes that no longer fit. I have now learned to pay attention to the emotion. It doesn't change the fact that I am letting go of the stuff, but that it is okay to feel sad.
But getting rid of the "stuff" helps me with my vision. The vision that includes an active and healthy body and mind that will eventually and naturally get to the weight that I will become accustomed to. He he he... Also the vision of a more clean, less cluttered home which is in metamorphasis as I am!!




I really wanted to purge more than I purged the last time and I DID. This time when I came across the dress that I have saved since before 1993, it went in the GO pile. It was from my first formal date with George. The thing is there is no reason to keep it, so let's have fun with it. Mallory wanted to try it on. And the girls tried on other things as well and we had the music going. It was the party to let things go.

On a Roll in the New Year...

I'm enthused for the moment, I'm on a decluttering roll...Christmas decorations are down and now up in the attic. (We even declutterd those!) I was almost as excited to put the decorations away as I was to put them on display. A couple of days ago, we went through the girl's playroom closet and we let several bags and boxes go and the closet is organized, and everything has a place. We even decluttered the attic. It feels really good. I'm working hard to get the high from getting rid of stuff and simplifying, rather than buying. It has been a slow shift in thinking and action for the last couple of years. This afternoon, the van (heretofore will be known as Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration-thank you Cousin Herman) was loaded up with donatables which we brought to the Bargain Depot for Connections for Life, a ministry of our church.


I decided to take a walk on the wild side with a new zebra print bedspread. Mallory walked in and said, "Who did this?" But she and Princess the cat seem to both like it. This purchase is to compensate for the "we decided not to sell the house, but are so happy we didn't" letdown. Actually, the very nice organizer lady picked out a plain white bedspread when we were "staging" the house and I needed to take back ownership of my bedroom. And it was 50% off and checked out for even less than that at the department store. I just love it when that happens!

Riley and I have been watching episodes of "Clean House" on the Style channel. Either I've been home with kids too long, or these shows really are funny. Espcially one of the hosts, Niecy Nash who cracks me up. Well, there is so much more to do including the clothes in my closet, the bathroom cabinets, the bookcases, the girls clothes, the under the bed box with memorabilia, etc., etc. Oh, and not to forget the daily stuff that has to occur as well! I want to keep the decluttering going. I just need time, energy and motivation. I really see the connection between an organized decluttered home and how that relates to having a vision for life. I feel better when I'm in my house and I feel better when I come back. I just need to keep the roll going.

2010 New Year's Resolutions

I have not been into setting new year's resolutions the last couple of years. In general no one ever follows through with them but I have learned that setting a goal is good for me to actually get something done. Maybe I was the only one that didn't follow through? (Not!) With 2010 coming tomorrow, I have three areas of focus, and they are not new but I have a newfound desire and new skills.

It has hit me once again as I'm typing, that balance is a huge component of life. I have found that the more organized I get, life flows better, and yet the more flexible I am within that organization, the easier life is, less stress.

One area of organization that I need to focus on is incoming paper. Between the mail, bills, receipts, school papers, children's art, husband's papers, etc., it piles up on kitchen counters, and everywhere in our office/spare bedroom. My goal is to have no receipts lying around and for the ones that I need to keep to be in the pretty purple file folder. I have almost finished going through all of the old ones and have to stay focused for all of the incoming ones. My future is to have all papers dealt with in a timely manner, but I'm going to start small with receipts.

Another area that I want to focus on is new meals to prepare. I want to find new dishes that my children have not tried and that are easy and tasty. Both of them like to help me bake but perhaps we can push the envelope and find new foods other than plain meat, starch, & vegetables that they will actually eat. This does mean more work for me and with extracurricular activities in the afternoon, I cut corners. Yet I do want to try some new things, even if it is just two new recipes a month. That's my goal!

Lastly, I'm still on a decluttering movement and I hope forever will be. You can't stop with this one or "the stuff" takes over again. I have a friend who did not buy stuff for a year. I want to hear more about that. I know I could not embark on that, I can't let go of buying stuff just yet, but I realize when you bring more stuff in that defeats the purpose. One area of declutter for me is books and magazines. We have three sets of bookcases and room for no more. George ordered a Nook (Barnes & Nobles' E-reader) for Christmas for me. At first, I resisted this idea because I wanted to hold a book in my hand. And then I thought of how much easier it would be without the bulk. Over the last few years I have thought, why do I keep a book? for how long? For reference? My downfall (?!) is that I just LOVE books. I like having them around. But I need to be choosy with the ones that I keep around. My goal is to go through them again with a more critical eye, and have every book fit in a book in the bookcase and none lying on the top!

The last area is in the area of physical fitness. I make a pledge to ignore all of the excessive diet information that will be presented the first few weeks of January...because I have learned all too well that diets don't work! But I want to add an activity and that is stretching. As I can't go to a yoga class every day, I have started incorporating yoga stretches after I get off the treadmill at home. This activity I want to add in more frequently per week. Maybe even stretch if I don't get on the treadmill.

So off we go, a new year, which is a chance to wipe the slate clean. Perhaps that is what is nice about new year's resolutions. It is appealing. But as I have learned, changes can be made at any time during the year. And if you have nothing new in your toolbox of life to attack 2010 with, your behavior will be the same as 2009. I learned a lot about myself in 2009, time to put it in play. Happy New Year! Hope the tools in your toolbox are sharp and ready to go. : )

This picture speaks volumes...

My car this morning. How many of you have cars that look like this? This car speaks volumes about what is going on in my life at the moment. I have not had a shower yet today because I have been working to put my house back together as today is the first day at home for four hours by myself in about two weeks AND I am a stay at home mom. It has been a busy couple of weeks and the crazy season is here that starts with Halloween and continues until New Year's Day.
I am verbose, I know this and I am learning to accept myself as I am but I am going to try bullets for this blog today. Especially since I need to pick up in an hour and I haven't had lunch yet or that shower.
Car contents as symbolic state of life:
Portable potty - four year old - really nothing more to say. I have been tempted to use it myself stuck in carpool.
Snack basket - Started as manna bags to give to the homeless but we kept eating the manna bags so I realized we need snacks in the car for hungry children and/or mom in a pinch. But it becomes a catch all basket.
Extra Booster Seat on Passenger side- to remind myself to leave it at Mallory's preschool for field trip which I decided to not chaperone. I don't have to attend EVERY school function, and this is a way to take care of myself which is what my therapist says to do. I agree. Of course, they cancelled the field trip and rescheduled for Thursday, now I have to say NO a SECOND time.
Riley's pink & grey backpack - self-explanatory - First Grader and daily homework
Whole Foods Recycled Shopping bag - trying to be green but never really shop at Whole Foods, instead use as cleanup bag to get the "stuff" out of car but should be teaching the children to do it themselves...with the Whole Foods bag
Dainty wooden Cross hanging from side of W.F. bag- Received at church to remind myself to be more like Jesus, a beacon or something like that and I can't remember exactly. Child took it off my bathroom counter where it was to remind me each day as I got ready. But I am going to cut myself some slack for not remembering what is was specifically for, see Booster seat.
Black Organizer hanging off passenger side - Good intentions abounded but nothing fits in it now, perhaps it was sized for toddler things.

Gotta go. This is it. I tell myself I need to blog once a week for my sanity.

The Staging - Before and After

In getting the house ready for market (NOT), I employed a wonderful stager named Cindy Smith. She helped me with vision and thinking out of the box. I have always wanted some assistance in this and although we are not moving, we still have the wonderful after affects of a new less cluttered vision. I apologize in advance because I can't line the pictures up exactly as I would like them but I think you get the idea. The house does not look like this anymore...for one brief week or so, it was spotless. I have to relive that wonderful week of neatness in pictures. I wish I would have videoed it!!! The children want their "little table" and the mini-trampoline back.

In the kitchen, our toy armoire as I call it. I don't know what the actual name for this piece of furniture is but the now darkened windows still holds toys and craft items.







Master Bedroom




Master Bathroom Before and After - but you can't see the precious black & white rug or black and white hand towels and I just can't take or upload any more pictures right now.










There is that treadmill...one of the catalysts for wanting more room. I really do use it. It's normally in the down position.