She Was Enchanted

I have been trying to finish the 2009 Disney Scrapbook album for many years.

Yes, eight years to be exact.  We are leaving in a few short days to visit Disney World again.  Something spurred me on to make it a mission to finish this album.

In 2013, I made an earnest effort to finish and by that I mean, I pulled out all the materials and posted about it on Facebook.  My daughter came across this pic on FB two days ago and made fun of me.

That was four years ago.

But that attempt did get me as far as being completely organized and knowing exactly what pages were left.

I swore off ever doing another scrapbook years before that, but I had to finish this one.  I now make Shutterfly albums using digital photos and I have several of those under my belt and already on the shelf.

But the 2009 Disney Scrapbook remains.

This was a trip we took with my mother in law.  She is no longer with us.  When you first look at pictures of people who have departed, it's like a sucker punch.  Now, it's just a soft push.

GaGa loved "It's A Small World." She was enchanted by it.  When we went in 2012 a few months after she died,  I felt her on that ride and I teared up.  I was enchanted and enjoyed it and was grateful.

I was in the moment in that ride.

Do I not want to finish this album because it permanently finishes the trip?  Who knows?! I only had a few pages left.  Last night, I finished those pages. So it's done.  But yet, I keep tweaking and printing captions.  I need to put all of the remaining materials away and yet I procrastinate.

 I can feel some emotion stirring as I type this so I may be on to something.  I just know it's time to finish.  There will always be residual sadness.  GaGa died five years ago last month.  She loved my girls up close and personally.  She was at our house all the time.  She was with us.   

Letting go of a person who loved my children and I, whole-heartedly, well, it's hard to lose a person like that in your life.  

Sigh.

But it's time to finish.  She is still with me.  Her sense of fun.  She had much gratitude about simple things.  That stood out to me.  I carry that with me. 

She and Charlie (her husband) would always remark after we went somewhere for a meal or an event how nice it was.  Those remarks always stood out to me.  Now I can see it as a gratitude and living in the moment.  Gratitude is good.

I'm looking forward to Disney World.  There will be good moments and bad moments.  But I'm thrilled that the girls are looking forward to it. We have a countdown dry erase board for it. We are so excited to see our family spirit animal, Eeyore in person! An aside is that Riley is starting high school in a few months. How long will family vacations go on? Time is passing.  How DID that happen? 

I still see them this way.

 

Namaste. 

Random Thoughts from an 11 Day Driving Vacation to the Great Southwest

(And it's only Day 6 people…)

Traveling from LA through the massive state of TX, NM, AZ and UT with tiny, tiny bits of OK and CO

*It is very, very strange not to sweat when it's 100 degrees outside and you are walking in the heat with the sun glaring down.  As my husband says about living in South Louisiana, he sweats when he just thinks about walking outside when it's summer.  We are moist ALL the time.  Not just our bodies but also the frequent afternoon rain showers.

*My husband is a doer - go go go. There is a reason he made it through medical school and five years of a surgical residency which is one of the most demanding specialties.  He seems to like going and doing all the time.   Yet his wife and his two tween daughters do not want to go to EVERY stop in the 28 mile driving tour of the Petrified Forest/Painted Desert in 100 degree temperatures at 2:00pm when we haven't had lunch and I'm worried that we are running out of water and I'm not sweating.  And it's dry, dry, dry and hot. Our desire to see that last petrified log even though it is 6 feet in diameter and possibly a million years old dissipated an hour and a half ago. That became a boundary for me and I have to get over disappointing him.  It's hard to disappoint a loved one.  There are many books written on that one.

*I am a few short months from having a full fledged teenager in the house.  This summer she has done something this early rising family has never seen the likes of.  She sleeps until 10am or later!  Making her wake up at 5:30am to hike into the Grand Canyon, does not go over well even when she knew it was going to happen.  I expected complaining for at least an hour after she woke up.  My husband did not.  Which takes me to my next point...

*Vacations do not go smoothly all the time.  There are ugly moments or hours.  This is to be expected.  Vacations were not the norm when I was younger as my parents were not traveling people.  So, I had this idealized concept of vacations. They were wonderful and beautiful and fantastical all the time.

Not…

*My skin is very dry now.  My hands are scaly white.  I need to put more lotion on than I normally do which is excessive.

*I'm not a backpack girl.  I tried to start using a hiking one and I failed.  The first casualty was my reading sunglasses.  Too many compartments…  I am a purse girl.

*My family now knows just how obsessed I am with keeping our phones, iPad,  and laptops charged.  I admit I do not like my devices to run low at all.  Forty nine percent power begins to put me on edge.  Below thirty is just plan dangerous.  Below that is playing with FIRE!  I don't now why this is?  I think it goes back to being in hurricanes and tropical storms and losing power.  It is who I am.

*Letting go of wearing makeup and "fixing" my hair is so utterly freeing.

*The State of Arizona does not participate in Daylight Savings Time.  Confused, much? It sounds like everybody gets confused. Our bodies and devices were.  A few nights we were out cold by 8:30 pm.

*I learned a lot about the symbols for cell coverage on my phone.  E is not good.  It hangs up on the person you are talking to.

*We do not have unlimited data on our phones and iPads.  We ran out of data at least four times with 52 notifications that we were doing so on each of the devices it is used on and we would be paying another $15 for a GB of data and we burned through that.

*I am now back home.  Vacations are wonderful with the good, bad and ugly of it all.  We saw some spectacular sights and now, I am happy to be home once again.  And to say the least, Riley is happy to be back home.  She never, ever wanted to leave. She smiled once or twice while we were gone, but mostly to take pictures.

Namaste.

Lessons learned from Easter Break Trip 2015

The girls and I took a last minute trip to the beach  in Orange Beach, AL for two nights.  It was originally to have been an extended family girls' trip but it fell apart.  I really had my heart set on it, so after  2 days of deliberation we decided to go on our own and out of my comfort zone.  For some reason, I have to break out and learn to do fun things that involve leaving the city that I live in.  There is an alarm that goes off if I try to leave the perimeter!  But off we went!  Yes!

Here are the things I learned:
~Weather forecasts can be wrong.  I almost didn't go because the rain forecast was 70-90 percent for the 2nd and 3rd days we would be there and it didn't rain at all.  It was overcast but I LOVED that!
~My eldest does not like the beach at all, let me repeat…she doesn't like the beach at all.
~My youngest loves the beach and the waves and boogey boarding.  She is attracted to the water immensely and can't walk to the beach without getting in immediately.
~We don't have to eat out at restaurants  and spend $$ all the time.  The girls were happy to buy Lean Cuisines and eat in at the hotel room.  Thank you Hampton Inn fridge and microwave.
~Two nights were sufficient and gloriously refreshing even for driving four hours and fifteen minutes each way by myself.  (Can't wait until Riley can drive…did I really say that??)
~The application of Jergens Natural Glow Medium to Tan Skin Tone is evidently too dark for me.  My hands, feet and elbows were orange after the second night of application.  I had never had this happen before, and I never knew any tanning ever took place.
~I forgot my makeup and it was so freeing.  Not one, "oh no."   I did have my tinted moisturizer with SPF and it's the best.
~On the beach, not really being able to read while looking up every 45 seconds to make sure Mallory is above water, I use the time to examine my moles, age spots to make sure nothing looks askew. There are a lot of moles, and light and dark age spots to keep me busy for hours.
~I could not wait to see the waves and put my feet in the sand and hear the waves.  It did not disappoint. The weather was overcast and not too hot and the breeze was fantastic.
~The lesson was learned that I can leave my house and drive outside of the perimeter, have fun and relax with the two girls by myself.  I'll call it baby steps to "How To Have Fun 101!"
Namaste.

White Knuckling Plane Flights and Life

I still haven't gotten over airline flights: the magic, the mystery, the fear.  Yesterday morning we were in San Diego, two time zones away.  This morning, I wake up in heat and humidity and the Central Time Zone of home.  Before we lifted off, Mallory asked me, "How does the plane fly?"  I said she needed to ask Daddy denying my feminist self.   I have no idea how the plane works, and I ain't got time for that,  I just need to take a half of Zanax, put my head down and roll with it.  It has taken me several years to understand that's just what I need to do to fly. Well, truthfully I figured it out once again five minutes before she asked.

Before her inquiry, I thought, I'm not having any claustrophobia at all.  A moment later, the flight attendant announced she had good news and bad news.  As I looked up for the first time to the front of the plane, my stomach curled both with the visual of the rows and people ahead of me and the thought that there was bad news.  (All I could comprehend now was the nightmare of being stuck on a plane for 9 hours on the runway.)  I immediately got out my pill bottle and took the half that was left from the previous flight seven days ago.   Mallory was telling me that she really didn't like flying.  I thought, one of us needs to be medicated and I don't know what her dosage would be.

So I held her hand and Riley's hand who hates takeoff and away we went.

Even after flying for the last twenty odd years, it is still simply amazing to me.  To be in one place one thousand seven hundred miles away and then bam, three and a half hours later, I am across the country.

Wow.

I use to try to white knuckle my way through flights.  I thought there was something wrong with me that I needed to take medicine.  I have claustrophobia and I don't like being in enclosed spaces.  I had several bad experiences on planes which I now know where panic attacks.   And then a few years ago after trial and error,  I discovered there was medicine to help.  I found a primary care doctor who I felt comfortable with and have had the same bottle of anti-anxiety pills since 2011. I don't fly that often.

I also use to have a hard time having fun.  For some reason, I didn't think I deserved it.  I didn't put myself out there.  I didn't make plans.   I scratch my head now and think, why did I think that?  (I wasn't worthy….)

It doesn't matter any more.  I have learned to have fun.  Not just in flying to California but in the little everyday things.  Each day, I can make myself miserable or change my thought patterns, and accept things the way they are or change them.   Once I made the choice of conscious living, everything changed bit by bit, I was no longer the victim.  I now have my sense of humor back and the sense of doom has departed. I do forget every now and then though, and I need a wake up call.

San Diego was fun.  Los Angeles was even more of a blast for me.  Food poisoning was not.  But it happened and I recovered and moved on.  The beaches were utterly spectacular.  They transformed me instantaneously to a relaxed space the moment we stepped out of the car.  Getting away and exploring new places is a wonderful adventure. It has taken me years to know that traveling is my right and privilege and I'm so grateful that I can do it.  And… it doesn't have to look perfect.

And I'm so grateful to know that every day is an opportunity for white knuckling fear or for love.  Most every day I choose love now.

Namaste.

She Read My Mind....

Summertime for stay-at-home parents must feel like being captured and sent back to Shawshank.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 13, 2013

OMG- Yesterday was one of those days.  Nine days of road trip vacation, first two weeks of being home alone with the kids and no solitude, and first day to realize that I never took a bath.  Ewww.
My neighbor told me about this comic on twitter.  She gets it, she really gets me!!

This is Something Big...

I feel disjointed.  It's Christmas and that always brings something up.  It is our first Christmas without GaGa.  Grief comes up in small waves here and there.  I miss the healthy grandmother who was so active in our lives and she particularly loved Christmas.  She may not have remembered birthdays but she was all about Christmas with decorations, presents and baking.

My little family of four had decided to shake things up by heading way out of town ON Christmas morning because we want to.  In my mind's framework that I had growing up, this is completely off the rails.  And it is exactly what I need to do.

Yet it is uncomfortable.


I have moments of complete excitement and then I have phases of anxiety and paralysis.  In telling my friends about our plans, most comment with bright energy "Oh, how exciting, you are going to have such a fun time."  At times, their excitement is more palpable than mine and I use theirs to help me along.

There has been a dictate in my mind that says I am supposed to be with my family of origin at holidays, and somehow the family I originated had taken a back seat.  In the last years, I have broken with this dictate and each year it has gotten easier to go against the flow.  My family has taken precedence.  That is why this trip is particularly important.

I can also tell it is important because issues of anxiety are creeping in with claustrophobia related to flying, riding in elevators, being in enclosed spaces with lots of people.  I truly know I will be okay, but the thoughts still pop up and I have to work through them and bring the Xanax.  Even having my own prescription of Xanax AND knowing I can take it - has been many hurdles to overcome.

There are so many layers to what is going on right now.  I truly had no sense of self.  Now that I am gaining my sense of self, who I am, what I want, my likes and dislikes and accepting myself wholeheartedly,   I see how very little sense of self I had.  "You don't know you are there, until you are there"

This poem posted by one of my dear FB friends says it all:


'LEAVING THE NEST 

All too frequently we relate like timid birds who don’t dare to leave the nest. Here we sit in a nest that’s getting pretty smelly and that hasn’t served its function for a very long time. No one is arriving to feed us. No one is protecting us and keeping us warm. And yet we keep hoping mother bird will arrive.

We could do ourselves the ultimate favor and finally get out of that nest. That this takes courage is obvious. That we could use some helpful hints is also clear. We may doubt that we’re up to being a warrior-in-training. But we can ask ourselves this question: “Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?” '

from Pema Chodron

All I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten...

We are on our last day at the beach!  It took me a few days to decompress when we got here.  I couldn't really enjoy the beauty or tranquility because I was on overload.  Before we left home, not only was I a guide for VBS with 400+ kids in attendance but our remodeling demolition started the same week.  There was children's energy and dust everywhere simultaneously.

Yes, these are first world problems.

Usually after a VBS morning, I take to the bed for some time to rest in the afternoon but that was not happening at all.  I ended up running errands every day and it was the kind of week where at the end of the day my legs (and mind) ached for stillness.  Each day random remodeling errands came up and needed to be taken care of especially since we were leaving town.

Yesterday, I was invited to a yoga class by a friend who has a condo at the place we are staying.  I really wanted to go as I have not been to a class in so long.  I practice at home using my 15 minute DVD.  I tell myself that a class is going to be too hard and I put up mental road blocks.  A while back I wrote about making it into something I was "supposed to" do because it is so good in so many ways for me which then killed it for me.  I no longer want to do anything that anybody tells me to do, even my own "shouldisms."

The night before yoga, I had gone to bed with a newly acquired cold and loaded up on Nyquil.  Also, my knees started bothering me about 2 months ago.  I started taking Condroitin/Glucosamine  several weeks ago to see if that helped and it did, until I played in the Gulf in the waves and uneven sand.  My right hand now gets achy in the middle if I use it without proper form.  I have to watch what I do with it, like not pick up 18x18 floor tiles pincher style.

Oh, and that first day of VBS,  I picked up Annie the dog to put her into her kennel for safety away from all of the male workers, and have had lower back pain ever since.  Our sweet beagle weighs 25 pounds.

So snot running down my face, achy back, achy knees and hand,  do I go to yoga?   As I pulled on the now necessary reader glasses to figure out the adult dosage for children's daytime cold medicine, it struck me that this is the marrow of life that I have to accept.  How I accept these aches and pains and snot, (or even worse things) are how the quality of my life will be.  Acceptance has become my new mantra.  It has become so clear to me that my thoughts shape my life.

I think of all of the years that I spent my time thinking I couldn't.  Yet I can.

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything.  What we think we become" ~Buddha

He was one righteous dude.

I totally enjoyed the yoga class.  And at VBS as I walked around with four classes of Kindergarteners all week, I was reminded once again that everything we need to know in life we learn in kindergarten.

I got chills listening to this song.  And I loved that the sign for free is one from yoga.  I had a good time learning all the movements too!  Mallory has the short curly blond hair  and denim blue shirt and looks slightly disinterested.  Riley is in red shirt with blond hair swept back in a pony tail.

Summer 2012 summed up in pictures....

Disney Trip - First week of summer break

Out with the old corner tub

Picking out wood flooring for Master Bedroom

Picking out granite for Master Bath counter

Picking out tile and stones for floor and shower floor: (Here's a theme: lots of decision making)

Had exterior of the house painted. 

Ongoing battle of Annie the dog versus the cats, Princess and Morgan:  Annie loses every time.

Picking out granite for girl's bathrooms. 

Our first load up of donations to Connections for Life in new SUV. I love decluttering!

The girls and I walking Annie:  Precious quality time with my children that I wasn't expecting.We talk about pee and poop but also good stuff too!

Demo on Day 1 of VBS.  Long but good week.  The dust traveled everywhere from the tile being ripped up.

Picking out Paint Colors

Week of VBS teaching - 400+ kids!  Lots of energy!

New 6 foot tub and shorter counter to fit tub.

Pensacola Beach: Riley on boogie board in background, Mallory in foreground.

And school starts right around the corner...

School starts tomorrow

We are back from our last summer fling last week, a few nights at Orange Beach, AL and one night at Beau Rivage in Biloxi, MS. School starts tomorrow. It was difficult at first for me to let go and "relax" at the beach. GaGa is ever present in our minds. We received one desperate phone call on day 2 and then George decided to call her each day. I let him take over during the trip. I just wanted to escape that reality for a little bit and being away from home did help that. It was wonderful to get away.

My birthday occurred while we were gone and it was a good day. Really!! This is a remarkable occurrence for me and my birthday baggage. I took control of certain aspects and it doesn't hurt to spend it away from home! George stepped up to the plate and "took over" and let me have some down time. I appreciated it immensely. There were presents from George and the girls. I planned a massage and got a manicure. I spent the afternoon with my family relaxing at all of the Caribe pools. Had delicious take out from Louisiana Lagniappe for dinner and I sat and ate with wet hair, no makeup and a tshirt and shorts on. For a birthday it was pretty darn good! Maybe the birthday baggage tide is achanging.

In the car on the way home, I had a moment where I was SAD that school was starting. The flow of being a stay at home mom is ever changing. Now, I haven't had alone time in ages, my house is a WRECK, (my cleaning lady hasn't been in weeks), there has been no regular physical activity or yoga but I am wistful today that the girls are heading back to school. Each year passes faster and the bottom line is, I love being their mother. This summer flew by, as I kept them busy and they are getting older and easier to manage (or is it me?) There were a few moments I was ready to ship them somewhere with the fighting and whining but in comparison to other summers, this one was managed well.


I will have more opportunity to visit my mother in law and I need to. It has gotten really difficult to have the kids around her. They are scared of her and she has a low tolerance and that is just plain depressing because I know how much she loved being with them before. She is on the slow decline and it is devastating to my soul to watch this happen. There is just no going around how difficult this is. It doesn't end until her end and actively waiting for a loved one to die is not natural. She is a shadow of her former self, there are no more smiles, and her quality of life has deteoriated immensely. No warm fuzzies here. Death is a natural part of life, but it is unnatural to go through it or maybe it's the grieving part of it. But time marches on and life continues. Riley will put her uniform on tomorrow and school will officially start and I have 2 birthday parties to plan that are right around the corner. Life goes on.

Time to leave the Smokies...

I'm on Day 8 of Vacation. We left on a Friday, and it has been pretty good as far as vacations go and it's now a Friday again. T We have 2 days of driving (12 hours) ahead of us and it is time to go home. George took the girls to play putt putt, and go to an aquarium. I could not take another park. He didn't seem to mind. We are leaving tomorrow.

I have soaked up the views. I have stayed wet like a rat in Dollywood, Dollywood Splash Country, and Whitewater Rafting. We have driven up and down and around steep windy roads. I've looked at mountains, valleys and black bear mommas and cubs which was a highlight for me. Most of it was really great fun. I enjoyed the splash park more than I thought I would. The kids enjoyed life in the 1800's via Cades Cove less that I thought they would.

We needed to get away and we did. I love to take a vacation. Growing up neither George nor I had family vacations like we are able to do now. I still get excited and am in wonderment how neat it is to go and explore somewhere new, or not new and how wonderful it is to come back home even though we are tired BUT refreshed. The appreciation of home is anew.

This morning as George and I drank our coffee, there was smoke in the Smokies. Perfect way to end the vacation. I kinda wish we had left today. Now the last thing on the agenda is the Dixie Stampede in Pidgeon Forge tonight. We are going to be rooting for the North.

And our very last stop tomorrow morning is a swing (an hour out of the way) to the house of my great great great great great great grandfather's still standing home built in 1785. I'm intrigued.

The real way to relax

We are driving back to Baton Rouge from the Destin, FL area and the way we do it takes hours and hours but the thing that just occurred to me is that THIS is the most peaceful part of the trip. The children are glued to DVD players, George is driving and for hours, I am on my own. This is better than the beach or the pool!! George doesn't mind driving, he probably prefers it as this leg of the trip I'm not making him listen to the Geneen Roth CD (although he WAS getting something out of it). I can read, play Words, play my Rhapsody music, check FB and for the most part, I am left alone. I've got 3G coverage in most places on our drive. At the beach or the pool, or at the Flat, someone needed attention ALL the time. This is an area of parenting we need to work on. It's mainly the eldest that needs the most attention as she received a LOT in the beginning and still expects it. At the pool one afternoon, she was whining and complaining unmercifully and then asked me why we had to have Mallory. Clearly, there isn't any sibling rivalry going on (!). I learned in therapy, that the sibling relationship is one of the most defining of our personalities in our childhoods. Fascinating stuff, right?! Well, it is to me.

Back to the peaceful drive. So, how far can we drive next vacation?!? I'm loving this.

We are at the BEACH!!!

We are at the beach in Florida. We changed our summer vacation destinations about 3 times. Long before the dreadful oil spill that has destroyed a way of life in the Gulf, we had been excitedly planning our trip to the beach. Last summer, we were unable to go. The girls are getting older and I think I could actually sit and watch them swim and play and possibly make it through a magazine. I have bought two books with high hopes. That is probably reaching.

We live a handful of hours away from beautiful white sandy beaches, or what were beautiful white sandy beaches. I couldn't make up my mind about where to go. Our first plan was to hit Orange Beach until we learned there was definitely oil. I had a hard time spending the money we would spend and not be able to get in the water. So we considered Moody Gardens in Galveston (man made beach), and San Antonio Hill Country (no beach, Lazy River, family friendly) and then we worked our way back to Florida. All along that is what I really wanted to do, and had been looking forward to for more than a year. I had to let go and if there was oil, there would be oil, and we would go to the pool or find other things to do.

So far, so good. I can see there are some things I'm very controlling over, and I'm learning to release. The beach is very relaxing, sort of. The kids still need heavy supervision. It takes a few days for the family to get in a groove with "being on vacation." George and I have to work out how to share parenting, chill time, activities, etc.

This morning, I went to yoga for the first time in a couple of weeks. It was AWESOME! Rosemary Beach where we are, is a 5-7 minute walk to anywhere you want to go - beach, pool, town center with restaurants, shops, etc. I rode my bike to yoga. Then headed to the beach to be with the family. It was a fantastic way to have balance. I felt like a new person. Prior to the last year or so - I would have never A) found my way to yoga or B) separated from the family. And that is exactly what I was needing to do. Recharge to tackle the ever present needs of children and husband.

Things I learned on our 10 day Road trip

The anticipation of arriving home is almost equal to the anticipation of taking the trip and getting away in the first place.

Mallory can now buckle herself in the van ALL BY HERSELF!! Woo Hoo!!

I was exhilarated by climbing Ruby Falls - an upward .4 mile hike in North Georgia with beautiful waterfalls. I really do like nature. Riley was not exhilarated by climbing Ruby Falls - it was the Trail of Tears for her.

I need an atlas when we take a road trip. All of these electronic devices can do just so much. Garmin, our GPS, needs to be updated. The two hotels we stayed at, were not on it's radar. Garmin doesn't take the most direct or efficient route and we haven't figured out how to tell it to. We were able to tour downtown Atlanta upon our entrance and did you know Atlanta's original name was Terminus. We read the travel book while taking the long way to Helen and Robert's house.

George needs reading glasses in order to view the IPhone or anything small and I let him know this fact and that he needs to keep reading glasses with him at all times.

It is great to see old friends and pickup right where we left off.

My former neighbor's new home is so relaxing to me because it is decluttered and minimalistic. I loved this about her old house as well. I want to make my home this way yet I have two and a half persons going against me on a daily basis, but it enocouraged me to keep working towards that design.

Hours in a car are multiplied by 1.5 for a child under the age of 5.

George likes to drive for hours upon end and I don't AND I should just let him. I was able to finish reading one book and make it halfway into the next. Why did I feel like I needed to give him a break when he didn't want one?

IPads are really cool but definitely worth waiting for the 3G version. And it must have been named by a group with no female input.

My brother in law did not know who Kate Gosselin was (understandable) or Justin Timberlake, either. I am not judging, I wish I didn't enjoy watching Kate being pushed around the dancefloor like a shopping cart so much, but I do. And I accept that about myself.

Cabbage Patch babies are born by C-section (Cabbage section) in the Cleveland, GA Babyland Hospital. We have video coverage of this event.

The grass turned green in BR during the time we were gone.

Vacations are awesome!

Atlanta Bound

I'm in the car, and we have 152 more miles until Atlanta. So excited to leave our neck of the woods and visit néw territory. The last time the whole family went to see George's sister, Mallory was just crawling and Atlanta traffic did us all in. She cried in her carseat while we were stuck in traffic and everybody else wanted to cry...

[36 hours later]

And we are here now. We drove through downtown Atlanta on our way to the Kidd's house, instead of major highways (Thanks Garmin!) but we were able to see many landmarks (Braves stadium, Capital House, Centennial Park, etc) which we turned into a history lesson. I read from the travel book. Don't you know George was thrilled? But we learned about the Indians being here first, the Trail of Tears, that Atlanta's original name was Terminus (it was a railway center). We passed Piedmont Park as I was reading about it. We love history and I think Riley is going to enjoy it as much as I do.

So this morning, we will venture downtown again...CNN, Coca Cola, and maybe a mall. Hopefully there will be no crying, or no need to cry. And if there is, it will pass.

Airport Drama

When we took our last vacation that involved flying, my husband thought I wasn't anxious enough when we were packing up and leaving the house to get to the airport in a timely manner. I was irritated at him, because I didn't want to feel or look anxious, I just wanted to use my yoga skills and be zen, calm and clearly think through all of the steps that must be taken and do them. Well...George showed me!!

We drove all the way to New Orleans, got to the off site, long term parking where George had made a reservation and thank goodness. There was one parking spot left and we had to wait while they found that one spot. Clock ticking. Timewise, I thought we were doing okay. All of the massive amounts of luggage we had were transported to the bus we caught to the airport. We arrive at curbside check-in. (Side note: This is when I learn that you now have to pay $15 for each piece of luggage that you check-in and more if you exceed luggage pieces per person, which we did.) In the middle of the outside check-in of our bags, the automatic alarm goes off that signals it's too late to check anymore bags. The attendant has to then go inside and figure out how to finish checking us. This takes at least 15 minutes or more and she has to print our boarding passes as well.

We make it through security SLOWLY, and mind you we have Grandma and a three year old with us, slowing us down. I decide that we need to visit the restroom for the three year old to empty her bladder. George goes on ahead. I'm still think we are doing okay timewise. As I'm taking care of business in the bathroom, my phone goes off, I see it's George and I can't get to it. I'm washing my hands and the phone is ringing again and it's George again. I'm picturing clenched teeth through the cell phone and I hear, "IF YOU WANT TO CATCH THIS PLANE, YOU BETTER START RUNNING!"

Off we go, anxious Riley in the lead running, me with rolling carry on and another bag trying to run, Mallory behind me and Grandma. Mallory begins to cry because I am leaving her, and Grandma who is kicking it at seventy-seven is doing her best to keep up. Riley is looking back at us and beseeching us to hurry up. Mallory is now wailing and decides to sit down on the floor. My yoga training is still kicking in because all I can do is laugh. I go back, grab her hand and walk more slowly, and she is crying the whole way. It takes what seems like FOREVER to get to our terminal. George is seething and fuming and wants to do me bodily harm. The ticket agent is anxious as well. I have never been the last person on board a plane, but we were the last and the gate door shut behind us. Grandma said it took her 45 minutes to let go of the tension. George fumed for about a half hour. I just thought, "Wow, that was a close one!"

On our return flight, we gave ourselves much more time to get to the airport and George got his wish and I was completely anxious, and un-zen like getting ready and throughout the whole return. Everything went smoothly though and we got back to our van at long term parking and our battery was...dead. We lucked out because there was no car parked in front of us (and it was still a full lot) and the driver was able to jump us off. Traveling with the whole family...gotta love a little airport drama and from now on, I must stay anxious the entire time! Screw yoga...

Traveling

We are now in the third portion of our trip to Illinois and Wisconsin and will end up at a family wedding on Saturday. We are having a lot of fun and it is getting easier to go and do with the kids getting older. We are not having many meltdowns but I fear those are coming. I am typing quietly because Riley is still sleeping and this is an utter rarity at 8:13 a.m. Mallory is going to be a beast, her time is coming I fear, no naps and a whole week long of vacation and she was up well before Riley. Oh well, we will survive, it won't be pretty but we will survive.

The first portion of our trip was to right outside of Chicago, and we spent Saturday and Sunday night with cousins, Herman and Kay and had such a good time. We then traveled to Chicago on Monday, and had a blast in the city. Hancock Observatory, Children's Museum, Navy Pier, American Girl Place, Field Museum, Chicago River Boat Tour, Magnificent Mile, were among the action. I could have shopped for myself in that shopping mecca (not just for the kids) but I really want to buy another home one day and if I buy more $$ shoes and purses, that is not going to happen.

I am still relatively new to traveling. My first flight was to Chicago when I was around twenty five. I realize now this current trip has special meaning because we stayed with Herman and Kay way back then as well. George was interviewing for residencies. Cousin Herman took me on the train into the city, and we went to the top of the Sears Tower and I was able to get the lay of the land. From then on if possible when we have gone to a big city, I like to go to the tallest building and get the lay of the land early on in the trip.

My children have already flown several places and the eldest is just now entering first grade. I'm glad for this. Traveling opens the horizons, and also makes you appreciate home in the end. I was so much more relaxed this trip. Either age or yoga is helping me and I really like it. I remember I had great anxiety at 25, when I was leaving work to catch a plane for the first time. I was flying by myself and I really needed an anti-anxiety pill but I had no experience with them or know what they were (even though I had a Masters degree in Counseling!!!). But it ended up being fabulous and such an eye opening experience. I am grateful that we are able to travel with our children and are opening their horizons as well. Until that meltdown comes and it is coming...

Chicago

Having a blast in The windy city.
Just so good to get away and experience new things, different places.
The girls LOVED American Girl Place.
Good to visit with extended family.
Grateful to be able to travel.
Hope to come back when the girls are a little older to be able to take it in more.
Typing from my phone so this is rough!
Heading to Wisconsin tomorrow.
More later.

I'm exhausted and it's vacation time

I completely stress out the week before a trip, notice I said trip, not vacation. They use to be vacations before children but now they are trips. Everything is about the children and what will excite them and occupy them. Am I dying to go to the American Girl store? Well not really but evidently this is what parenthood is about... I digress. We fly out of New Orleans around 11:25 Saturday, on our way to Chicago. And we have a family wedding to attend in Wisconsin, next Saturday. And my dogs have been barking since this morning and I'm tired. (for those of you not accustomed to dog talk that means my feet) On top of all of the leaving the house preparations, TMI ALERT, Aunt Flo came to visit and I have cramps. (I just don't think there are many men reading this at all.)

There is so much that has to be done before one leaves. Bills, pets, mail, clothes cleaned, plane/travel entertainment, decisions made, think of every possible thing that you might need, but keep it to a minimum because there were too many bags and they weighed too much last time we went. Mallory wants to bring her big pink fluffy coat that doesn't fit anymore, and I say NO, so there is negotiation, but we are still bringing "Big Dog" who she has slept with since Easter 2 years ago. And he is not called "Big Dog" for nothing, he will take up a third of the suitcase. Riley wants to bring her hair bows for her stuffed dog, that she never uses on a regular basis but they are small, so they get a yes.

I don't know why this drives me crazy, this packing for a trip. I did start earlier this time. I began thinking things out on Monday and today is Friday. I also worry about flying, but for me it is about feeling clausterphobic. Many moons ago, I was flying back late on a Sunday night by myself maybe from visiting George before we were married. That was my first experience I believe with a mile panic attack and you never forget that feeling. This morning, I started thinking about that kind of panic feeling I would have getting on board the plane. I have a panic reaction that goes down my arms and it tingles and this is not a good tingle. I'm thinking this way because a friend mentioned that she and her husband and 5 month old recently were stuck in the plane for four hours waiting to take off for the same exact route we are going to take. I remember hearing at Christmas time a couple of years ago that people were kept on an airplane for 9 hours under deplorable conditions. I would not do well stuck on a plane for that amount of time AT ALL. The thought of it completely panics me, and then I begin thinking about yoga and deep breathing.

The good thing is that ever since I had kids and the few times we have flown, my mind is completely occupied with taking care of them and I haven't been able to go to the bad places of anxiety. I do see that there is rain expected in Chicago on Saturday when we fly in and I am going to be doing some deep breathing and hopefully my children will keep me busy if we do get stuck in a bad situation. And I did borrow a few Zanax just in case of the worst case scenario!!! I've never taken them but it seems like a really good backup plan. These are the kinds of things I have to remember before taking a trip. I am beginning to look forward to the American Girl store. Riley is so excited for the both of us and it will spread by the time we get there.