Saturday, November 27, 2010

Subtle Aha moments...

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” Marianne Williamson

Well, that's my post, it says it all. I really shouldn't say more because it covers love, fear, spiritual journey, acceptance, consciousness, things and the meaning of life. Done! Enough said.

Okay, I will ruin it, here goes. Facebook has it's downfalls but I still like it for the most part. I have friends who post some really interesting material and I love that without effort I come across it and it completely resonates with me. This quote from Marianne Williamson says exactly what I have come to learn in my journey. I revel when I find something that describes a particular truth of life that I have learned but in the most succinct and eloquent words. And I also think, someone else understands this!!

I had so much fear and self doubt about myself growing up. I wasn't good enough, I wasn't as good as everybody else. Even though I was popular in high school, and I joined a sorority, I still felt inferior. A sorority is just like wearing this brand of clothes, or driving this car or being a member of this club or having to say you are at this restaurant- it can be all to make you feel good through something "else" if that is what you need. There were times that I knew I was smart, attractive and capable but for the most part, fear plagued me. I worried about everything. I did not accept myself as I am and for whom I am until the last couple of years. Do you know how much energy that is wasted on all of those repetitive thoughts? When you accept yourself for who you are, it is amazing how those fears just fall to the wayside. I do things that I constantly worried about before and now don't think twice about. It is all how your mind is trained and as you unravel those tracks, there is God and his unending, unceasing love, just waiting for you to get to these truths. I imagine him/her chuckling as we finally get it.

I want to try as best as possible for my girls to not feel so much fear or at least to make their journey not as difficult as mine. And the fact that I understand this will make that so. Love is not just love. It is a very complex emotion and state of being. Figuring out this parenting stuff and how to love is not easy. Your parents give you their way and you have to figure out those tracks that were laid and what works for you and what doesn't. I have discovered some major things that needed changing for me and have been blazing a new trail. It is not easy but it is the path that I NEED to be on. And of course, not every one likes this and there is resistance. The resistance makes me realize that I really am on the right pathway from all that I have learned. And the subtle aha moments just keep coming. I know I am on the right track when they keep coming.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The gift of an Ordinary Day

This is a video from a mom named Katrina Kenison and it is right on, she lived it, she knows it. It's seven minutes long but for me - so full of wisdom. She has two grown boys, I have two young girls. I can change some of the boy stuff but I can see exactly how it fits. Last week, Riley did not hold my hand as we walked at the mall while she helped me pick out an outfit for the Ochsner Cancer Center benefit. I noticed it of course (knife to the heart motion), but then I know, she needs to grow independent of me and it starts subtlety. I have to figure out how to let her do this as it was not shown to me growing up. I'm just figuring it all out myself.

The video tugs at my emotional heartstrings as I have experienced some of it and realize the rest is yet to come. Today, Riley had her first piano recital. I was nervous beyond belief when I had piano recitals in my younger days but Riley has had a different upbringing. She was not nervous for her dance recitals so we are just going to play this by ear!! he he he We talked about her butterflies and then before we got out of the car, we said a prayer for calmness and to enjoy. It felt so right.

The journey with GaGa is heavy on my mind as well. The girls both know now that she is not going to get better. We have discussions about heaven and who is there. I have to figure out how to navigate this with them as well. Big life lessons are coming down the pike and they are very teachable moments for George and I to give them what our opinions are (and I know I am still learning some of them right now!!) and then they will figure them out on their own in their time. But for now, I am embracing the ordinary day. Highs, lows and everything in between. It's great stuff and I wouldn't want to miss this at all.