Thursday, April 29, 2010

DWTS just not the same without Kate

I started a blog entry weeks ago to talk ugly about Kate Gosselin spurred on by her appearance on DWTS and her presence on several shows that I watch. And I was ashamed at wanting to do this. Listening to her talk illicits very strong negative feelings in me. I would look things up about her on different websites and see the hatred and venom poor out from other people and two things would come to my mind. First, I don't hate her that much, and second, WHY am I so compelled to waste my time reading this stuff?

At my last therapy session, I couldn't decide whether I wanted to use my precious $$ time to discuss this Kate issue. Although therapy has been going on for a year and a half, so perhaps the time is not as precious as I'm thinking, but I digress. I did feel it was such a silly topic BUT this lady really gets under my skin. WHY? I am very much a why person. I want to understand. And I want it to go away. So I bring it up and the answer makes so much sense. If anything, Kate exudes an attitude of rightness or wrongness. You are on her side or you are not. (My mom's group almost came to blows on this topic of Kate! You love her or you hate her or you don't know who she is) This is a mentality I am very familiar with. I was formed with a spirit that was asked are you on my side or not? And if I wasn't on their side, then it seems I was wrong. I felt I had to clamp down my own thoughts growing up to be accepted.

Ahhhhhh. So very glad I brought it up. I get it! And as soon as I understood it, I lost a good bit of desire to obsess about it. Now I still have opinions but the obsession has died down. Sort of similar with the food. I allow the "bad" food in my house and it doesn't call to me anymore. Another point that my therapist made was that I feel shamed that I enjoy reading and watching about this entertainment story. Something in me feels that I should be reading literature or watching the History channel if any tv at all, and not the website "Gosselins without Pity" I was embarrassed to admit I know of this website. But for me, figuring out this truth does set me free. This is my entertainment. Sports do NOT do it for me. I have been spending enough time in deep painful thoughts I need a release and I am giving myself permission to enjoy this entertainment.

Yet now Kate had been kicked off and it won't be about how bad a dancer Kate was (and she was horrible), and how many faces she could make, how many times she could draw hearts to her chidren, or whine and complain. The drama is gone and now it is back to being just a dancing show which I found enjoyable in the first place. And she has new shows coming down the pike and I will watch them because I want to. My name is Carolyn and I'm a Kateaholic.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Do I live in the Bible Belt?

From Wikipedia: Bible Belt is an informal term for an area of the United States in which socially conservative evangelical Protestantism is a dominant part of the culture and Christian church attendance across the denominations is extremely high

Discussion at lunch on our way home from South Carolina, somewhere in Mississippi.

We stopped at a restaurant on a Sunday at noontime and I comment that we would be competing with the church crowd to get a table. As a native of the North and recent convert to the South, my mother in law speaks up and says she doesn't think she could handle living in the Bible Belt and she has noted all of the Baptist churches on our driving travels through Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia. And then I started chuckling because she doesn't realize that she now LIVES in the Bible Belt and I explain this to her. And then my husband dares to disagree. So I whip out my Iphone and Safari it and find a US map of the states that are in the Bible Belt.

My husband who indeed must find his reading glasses to see this, says there is yellow at the bottom of LA - "we are not in there". I scramble to prove that yes, indeedy we are in the Bible Belt. I do not have all of this religious baggage for nothing. I don't have firm visions of a fiery hell, have witnessed persons speaking in tongues, been told that I'm a sinner repeatedly, nor have sat through altar calls to be goaded to come down front to be saved, to be told, I live outside of the Bible Belt! I search frantically and find that New Orleans is not included because they are primarily Catholic, maybe that is the yellow. I cannot find a better map or description, wouldn't a larger IPad screen help this search and my case?! And then... I stop and think, it doesn't really matter, if I feel like I grew up in the Bible belt, then I did, no need to fight about this!! See that therapy is coming in hand. (But seriously, Baton Rouge is definitely in there.)

Cut to Kathy Griffin's show in Biloxi, MS. George and I have gotten away for a night to celebrate our 14th Anniversary. Kathy cracks a joke about her friends warning her not to come to the Bible Belt and perform. I totally understand.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ode to Julia Sugarbaker

With the passing of Dixie Carter, I felt sadness. I read the news as we were on our driving trip so I pulled up many clips of her classic speeches on my Iphone. I laughed and laughed and tears came to my eyes. I so enjoyed that show. And something about her long speeches just spoke to me. I am finding my voice as Julia Sugarbaker's was written. Dixie may not have been as forceful in real life, but the character was just so priceless. All of them were.

I read her biography years ago, and sadly I could not find it now, it must have been decluttered. There- something negative from decluttering. I would have liked to glance at it again but now I will enjoy these clips of classic Julia, Suzanne, Mary Jo and Charlene.

Julia is fed up with Jury Duty - the mention of June Allyson Bladder Pants is priceless among others.

This doesn't showcase Julia as much but now the subject is near and dear to my heart. Georgia Tent and Awning is the title. Annie Potts and Delta Burke are fabulous.

There are so many. I just got lost in them again. I love You Tube.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

"Women, Food and God"

I have found a new book by Geneen Roth entitled, "Women, Food and God" Well, isn't that just THE trifecta for me. This is an author that was recommended by my therapist and I realized after buying a different book by her that I already had a copy of it. The self-help bookaholic that I am, evidently bought it years back and never read it. I wasn't ready to take on the issues. A few weeks back, I was listening to the "Soul Series" on XM and the conversation sounded a lot like what my therapist has been telling me about food. (It's not about a diet, it's about the emotions, eat what you crave, learn to stop when you are full, yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, sounds soooo easy) Well, lo and behold, it was Ms. Roth on the radio and this new book was mentioned. (And now it is on the cover of "O" magazine with a byline that says Oprah has finally solved her food issues. I have wondered why Oprah had not become aware of Ms. Roth's work sooner with all of her resources.)

In my journeys as of late, I have been getting similar messages from different sources, using different words but it all points to the same thing. Stop and be still with yourself, allow God in the small cracks that are there. And get at what is underneath your emotions. What I have been reading with Geneen and I'm now 7 chapters in, is that the obsessions that we have (food in my case) are our way out of the present moment, because we unconsciously believe the pain is too much for us to bear. In case this sounds like a load of crap to you, I do understand your disbelief. I have been underlining passages in this book on each page like crazy because it makes so much sense to me now. I think if I had not been in the therapy process for the last year and a half, (yes I must be a slow learner), I would not "get it" now.

I recently spent several months grieving "what is not." Situations in my life and from my past that completely shaped who I was, that weren't working for me anymore, I grieved and am accepting. It does feel like a weight has been lifted. I have been seriously changing my worldview bit by bit with small aha moments of clarity. One of the consequences of this new world view and going through that grieving process is and I quote from Ms. Roth, "a lightness of being that enthralled me." She also uses the words, "unruffled peace, everyday holiness, and ease of being in body, mind and heart." I have felt lighter, even though my weight hasn't dropped. I didn't know I had such heaviness that was weighing me down so much.

As I was reading, I was amazed by the fact, that Ms. Roth teaches meditations in her retreats that focus on breath. Okay, that's not the amazing part, it is that she focuses on the belly. Okay, that's not it either, it's this, she goes on to say, bellies are the center of our body and the center of our grounding. I quote from her, "When you ignore your belly, you become homeless." Hmmmm. (Yoga also teaches the same thing in terms of chakra's I believe) And this is the thing, I know I have written a blog or two about this topic, of listening to my gut. I have been onto something.

There is some irony here because the last few weeks for some reason, my youngest daughter has been repeatedly telling me that she loves my stomach. To me this is strange, but she's four, so I'm rolling with it. What do you say back to that? I love her stomach too? My stomach is my least liked part on my body, that is where the extra weight has collected the most. As she keeps repeating this to me, I have begun telling her that I love my stomach too. I will love my stomach and not ignore it. Mallory has been bringing my attention to my belly for me!! There is an OLD SOUL in that beautiful child. Her lovely sweet innocent spirit is bringing me a really important lesson.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Paparazzi - Kate Gosselin style

I can't look away from Ms. Gosselin, it's like a train wreck on Dancing with the Stars, but in the meantime... Jimmy Fallon has cheered me up immensely, this is just so priceless. All I have to do is look at the freeze frame with his arms up spread eagle - he so nailed it. Thank you Jimmy Fallon!!!

If you didn't see the original, this is it. And after the performance when Carrie Ann said, "that was just odd" and "it was hard to watch" - that was priceless as well.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Things I learned on our 10 day Road trip

The anticipation of arriving home is almost equal to the anticipation of taking the trip and getting away in the first place.

Mallory can now buckle herself in the van ALL BY HERSELF!! Woo Hoo!!

I was exhilarated by climbing Ruby Falls - an upward .4 mile hike in North Georgia with beautiful waterfalls. I really do like nature. Riley was not exhilarated by climbing Ruby Falls - it was the Trail of Tears for her.

I need an atlas when we take a road trip. All of these electronic devices can do just so much. Garmin, our GPS, needs to be updated. The two hotels we stayed at, were not on it's radar. Garmin doesn't take the most direct or efficient route and we haven't figured out how to tell it to. We were able to tour downtown Atlanta upon our entrance and did you know Atlanta's original name was Terminus. We read the travel book while taking the long way to Helen and Robert's house.

George needs reading glasses in order to view the IPhone or anything small and I let him know this fact and that he needs to keep reading glasses with him at all times.

It is great to see old friends and pickup right where we left off.

My former neighbor's new home is so relaxing to me because it is decluttered and minimalistic. I loved this about her old house as well. I want to make my home this way yet I have two and a half persons going against me on a daily basis, but it enocouraged me to keep working towards that design.

Hours in a car are multiplied by 1.5 for a child under the age of 5.

George likes to drive for hours upon end and I don't AND I should just let him. I was able to finish reading one book and make it halfway into the next. Why did I feel like I needed to give him a break when he didn't want one?

IPads are really cool but definitely worth waiting for the 3G version. And it must have been named by a group with no female input.

My brother in law did not know who Kate Gosselin was (understandable) or Justin Timberlake, either. I am not judging, I wish I didn't enjoy watching Kate being pushed around the dancefloor like a shopping cart so much, but I do. And I accept that about myself.

Cabbage Patch babies are born by C-section (Cabbage section) in the Cleveland, GA Babyland Hospital. We have video coverage of this event.

The grass turned green in BR during the time we were gone.

Vacations are awesome!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Atlanta Bound

I'm in the car, and we have 152 more miles until Atlanta. So excited to leave our neck of the woods and visit néw territory. The last time the whole family went to see George's sister, Mallory was just crawling and Atlanta traffic did us all in. She cried in her carseat while we were stuck in traffic and everybody else wanted to cry...

[36 hours later]

And we are here now. We drove through downtown Atlanta on our way to the Kidd's house, instead of major highways (Thanks Garmin!) but we were able to see many landmarks (Braves stadium, Capital House, Centennial Park, etc) which we turned into a history lesson. I read from the travel book. Don't you know George was thrilled? But we learned about the Indians being here first, the Trail of Tears, that Atlanta's original name was Terminus (it was a railway center). We passed Piedmont Park as I was reading about it. We love history and I think Riley is going to enjoy it as much as I do.

So this morning, we will venture downtown again...CNN, Coca Cola, and maybe a mall. Hopefully there will be no crying, or no need to cry. And if there is, it will pass.