As Demi and Ashton's breakup has been in the news for a while now and her frail physique has been shown and then the announcement that she was in rehab, I was surprised. I had forgotten whether or not she had been in rehab before yet I did remember that she looked so physically strong in GI Jane. She looked so confident in the movie when she was a stripper (yes, I watched it!) and then when she wore THAT black bikini in Charlie's Angels 2.
And then I remembered she is an actress. Her life's work is to make us believe the persona she is portraying on screen. And this was my aha: looks can be deceiving. Underneath that muscular facade, she may not have been as strong as she looked. And now looking at the bikini picture again with different eyes and a new perspective of loving my body as is, she looks thin and frail.
Demi made a comment in a magazine article that was on the news that was very sad.
"I would say what scares me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm really not loveable, that I'm not worthy of being loved. That there's something fundamentally wrong with me." The addiction specialist being interviewed said that this message was full of shame and I understand that.
I am so glad that I am waking up to the fact that I am loveable no matter what shape or form I am in. Our bodies are just the means through which we move through life, and are not to be judged. I am learning to unconditionally love my body and my inner self.
I am slowly learning that I can pass these positive messages on to my daughters. If I don't then they will accept what outside sources do. They will have bombardment from the media and commercials telling them what they should look like, etc. It has taken me time to learn to pass on positive messages to them. I had to learn to appreciate myself before I could pass it on to them. Today, we are going swimming after school in January at an indoor pool because I am learning to love to move my body again and they love the water. I love the water and it feels so good.
Somehow I had begun to think my body wasn't capable of much more than Beginners Yoga and treadmill walking every now and then. I do have to treat it tenderly and with love because with age comes the very real possibility of injury and I have had small injuries that hurt to walk. But I am taking baby steps and moving and I hope to participate in the Rocketchix mini Triathlon again. It's been four years. I'm have been surprised and how good it feels to move more in mind, in body and in my soul. And to have sore muscles.
I hope Demi can learn to love herself, it's a hard lifelong journey but oh, so rewarding.