(*Wrote this draft 2 years ago, but never published and was reminded about it yesterday when her ex-husband passed away. )
Watching Super Soul Sunday and something profoundly moves me.Madonna Badger, a woman from Connecticut, lost her three daughters and parents in a fire in her home on Christmas Eve 2011.
Now take that in.
Her older daughter was 9 and the twins were 7. And her parents. All in one night.
So much devastation and the woman is still standing.
She and Oprah talked about how lost loved ones are still with us. Madonna shares her experience of conversations with her children and how mind-blowing it is. She describes one particular time where her pain was so devastating, so deeply intense and the tears felt like blood coming from her eyes. And she looked in the mirror and saw her children. And they spoke to her and comforted her. And she wanted to let who was with her know that it was real.
She says she can feel them and when this occurs her chest feels full. And this only happens when she feels super present in her body. When she is bitter or angry, she cannot feel her children.
Whoa. This struck my soul.
When I am bitter and angry, love does not come out. Love is no where near. Now, there is a place for anger and it can tell you where you need boundaries but staying in that place of anger and bitterness, does not move me forward and only leaves one stuck. I have stayed angry about things for years and am slowly, slowly learning, I don't want to reside in anger any more. I learn to allow anger to move through. And I still stand amazed every time it does.
It seems Madonna's truth came quickly to her because it was the only way to experience her beloved children.
As Madonna vulnerably spoke this truth on this show, she commented that she doesn't understand why it is that way.
Anger does not take you to the profound places that love does. (Did I come up with this, I must have?)
Love is the answer. Love is always the answer. And learning to love myself has always been the key to being able to turn it around and love others.
Friday, February 10, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
Saturday night was a Mardi Gras Ball for the Youth at our church. My eighth grade daughter invited a study group of hers from school as her guests. We made a production out of it with a pre-party at our house beforehand. It was fun to have the teenagers come and watch the young ladies and gentlemen now mingle together with a tad bit of awkwardness. I wish we could have invited everybody but as I put 8 kids into my 6 passenger car to drive them home, I know there is only room for so many. They begged to be together on the drive home and go to Waffle house after... but I declined the restaurant as I was wiped out. Maybe I should have. We are all only young once.
During the dance, I poured drinks for the attendees and chatted with the other chaperones and spied a little. I really wanted to dance though. I'm always called to the dance floor especially with some 80's music. I did get to dance last weekend at another Mardi Gras Ball. The whole family attended but did not dance together as I naively thought we would. Who was I kidding? They are almost both teenagers now. What was I thinking?!! I did get to sing Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs with a complete stranger. So...much...fun!
Music has an energy all of it's own that is so good for the soul.
Who doesn't need some uplifting?
Towards the end of the evening, I am counting down the minutes til it's time to bring the group home. And then I hear "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey. Oh yes! They played this last year. I climb up on the stage to video. While I'm videoing, I hear the joyous screams that came with the massive shooting out of shiny confetti and I think how lucky I am to catch this on my phone. Since then, I have watched this video over and over. The energy of it captivates me. I see such an exciting energy that only music can do. As I hear the chorus of young voices chanting, "the smell of wine and cheap perfume," I chuckle. And then as the beat of the music gets faster, I can barely make out but know the arms are in the air and bodies are jumping up and down. Together. The foam fingers give it away.
Unity. Excitement. Energy.
That energy is so captivating. On Sunday as I drove to pick up Mallory from a sleepover, I found the song and streamed it through the car speakers and turned it way up and sang very loudly as I can only do when I'm alone in my car.
My soul was uplifted and I went to a happy place.
I forget how much music moves me.
(Enjoy - you may have to click it twice to go to You Tube to watch it)