Thursday, April 29, 2010

DWTS just not the same without Kate

I started a blog entry weeks ago to talk ugly about Kate Gosselin spurred on by her appearance on DWTS and her presence on several shows that I watch. And I was ashamed at wanting to do this. Listening to her talk illicits very strong negative feelings in me. I would look things up about her on different websites and see the hatred and venom poor out from other people and two things would come to my mind. First, I don't hate her that much, and second, WHY am I so compelled to waste my time reading this stuff?

At my last therapy session, I couldn't decide whether I wanted to use my precious $$ time to discuss this Kate issue. Although therapy has been going on for a year and a half, so perhaps the time is not as precious as I'm thinking, but I digress. I did feel it was such a silly topic BUT this lady really gets under my skin. WHY? I am very much a why person. I want to understand. And I want it to go away. So I bring it up and the answer makes so much sense. If anything, Kate exudes an attitude of rightness or wrongness. You are on her side or you are not. (My mom's group almost came to blows on this topic of Kate! You love her or you hate her or you don't know who she is) This is a mentality I am very familiar with. I was formed with a spirit that was asked are you on my side or not? And if I wasn't on their side, then it seems I was wrong. I felt I had to clamp down my own thoughts growing up to be accepted.

Ahhhhhh. So very glad I brought it up. I get it! And as soon as I understood it, I lost a good bit of desire to obsess about it. Now I still have opinions but the obsession has died down. Sort of similar with the food. I allow the "bad" food in my house and it doesn't call to me anymore. Another point that my therapist made was that I feel shamed that I enjoy reading and watching about this entertainment story. Something in me feels that I should be reading literature or watching the History channel if any tv at all, and not the website "Gosselins without Pity" I was embarrassed to admit I know of this website. But for me, figuring out this truth does set me free. This is my entertainment. Sports do NOT do it for me. I have been spending enough time in deep painful thoughts I need a release and I am giving myself permission to enjoy this entertainment.

Yet now Kate had been kicked off and it won't be about how bad a dancer Kate was (and she was horrible), and how many faces she could make, how many times she could draw hearts to her chidren, or whine and complain. The drama is gone and now it is back to being just a dancing show which I found enjoyable in the first place. And she has new shows coming down the pike and I will watch them because I want to. My name is Carolyn and I'm a Kateaholic.

No comments:

Post a Comment