Sparks of Divinity

I caught a blip of a rerun of Super Soul Sunday while walking the dogs, thanks to Sirius radio app on my iPhone.   The little bit I heard just ignited my enthusiasm once again and I want to carve the time out to watch the ones I have taped on my DVR.  I always have ahas and then it sparks me to write.  These are creative forces flowing from a higher power that resides inside me whom I call God.

The person I heard speaking on OWN was Adyashanti, an American spiritual teacher.  I heard him describe humans as sparks of divinity.

Sparks of Divinity!

Wow!  This terminology is a massive warm enveloping hug just when I needed it most.

This is so different than how I pictured myself when I was growing up. 

The way I thought of God before was bleak, and unforgiving and most of all - Judgmental.  I cannot tolerate anything that smells of judgment anymore.  What had been planted in my head was that Jesus loved me, but I was a sinner.  And there was a big book and God was watching and if I misbehaved my name would not be in that book and I was going to hell.  (Yes, I sadly watched a full out play production of this very notion called "Heaven or Hell" in my early 20's) And I was told I was a sinner all the time.   And so there was hell, and armageddon, and eye for an eye and so much was based on Fear.  I can clearly see how fear is used repeatedly as a means to an end.   This did not present to me a God of Love.  A God who loved me more than I could even imagine and that there was an endless depth of love to tap into.   All I could think was that I wasn't good enough.  (If you tell someone they are a sinner, then guess what, that is what they will morph into.  Self-fulfilling prophecy.

So guess what, I didn't learn how to love myself or anyone else unconditionally -which is a red letter New Testament Jesus' commandment.  In fact it is the second one to loving God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.  The second commandment of the New Testament is "You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself."   I now know that I was born to LOVE (not fear). 

I'm rearranging those thoughts in my head because our higher being (and Jesus) are all about love.  We are born and our souls ARE love but we lose that along the way.  Our ego gets in the way. Our conditioning by humans gets in the way.

The way to follow Jesus as he teaches is through LOVE.   Becoming whole-hearted.  Seeing the world as loving.  There is an abundance of love out there for everyone.   

Yes, I Have Big Breastseses!

Oprah was recently on MY

New Orleans Book Signing with Andy!

Andy Cohen's "What What Happens Live" show while she was promoting "The Butler."  I really enjoy Andy and several shows on the Bravo network. One thing that he does do is question his guests often about physical attributes especially regarding  plastic surgery and puts the focus on appearances.  This is where my desire to love myself as is, is in direct conflict with watching this programming.  I try to compartmentalize this issue.  But when Oprah came on, the physical issues hit the spiritual.  The following transpired on the show 

The late night host asked Winfrey what she thought about her Butler costar Terrence Howard's comment about her "tig ol' bitties.'"

"It really is okay because they really are big," Winfrey said. "The other day I went, 'God, are y'all getting bigger?' These are my grandmother's -- she's with me."

Cohen later joked, "Not only does she have a bountiful garden, she has bountiful . . . " Winfrey quipped, "Breastseses!"

Oprah embraced her girls and it was a powerful moment for me.

To hear this exchange was relieving.  Oprah is a spiritual pilgrim and has led me to so many ahas through interviews with her spiritual teachers.   She is an amazing teacher and conduit.  She embraced mindfulness and spirituality years ago and tried to bring it to the masses but we were not ready.  All I know is I'm ready and open now.

And I have big breasts and much of the time I don't like them.  They get in the way and they bother me.  But they are mine.  They are a part of me.  And my mother has big breastseses too!  And if Oprah can laugh about it, I can lighten up!

You can laugh about having big breasts and be a spiritual pilgrim at the same time.

Oprah also joked about when she was little how she was scared of the enormity of her grandmother's bosom and how when she embraces children she makes sure to do it delicately.  I have to do the same with my own children.

Here's to large breastseses!  May I continue to accept their bounty and may I continue to accept me, as I am.

"It's Their Problem, Not Yours"

I'm so ecstatic, I had an aha moment.  You see the kids are home for summer and it's been all maintenance, no preventative work! There has been no time for thinking, writing or aha moments.  But I watched just a few moments of actress Diahann Carroll on Oprah's Master Class and I was reminded of a fact.

Oh no, I just lost it...

Wait its back.  Okay- here goes.

Diahann described how on a train ride in DC when she was a young girl, she and her mother had to get up and move 2 cars down because the one they were in, was determined to no longer be integrated.  It blew her away that in the nation's capital, this discrimination would exist.  Her mother told her "it's their problem, not yours."  She went on to say that there was something wrong in their lives that they have decided to interpret it in terms of race.

This just struck a nerve in me.  Her mother was brilliant to tell her that it had nothing to do with her. Most people's actions towards me are about their internal struggles and it's really not about me.   I thought of the struggles I have internalized so deeply worrying about what other people thought and inferred that I was less than  (and this was not to the serious level of blatant racial discrimination)   For the majority of my life thus far,  I have thought so negatively about myself.  I don't feel this way any more but certain thoughts linger and pop up from time to time.  But this sound bite of Diahann Carrol's story reminded me of it.

And then there is this little golden nugget from Pastor Rick Warren: "If you live for the approval of others, you will die by their rejection." 


Hmmm.  Good stuff.

He also said the two biggest reasons people do not fulfill their purpose are envy and people pleasing.  Envy: I must be like you to be happy.  People Pleasing: I must be liked by you to be happy.
If you spend time trying to be like someone or trying to be liked, you will miss God's purpose for your life.

You cannot make other people happy.   They have to do it for themselves.  Just like I cannot wait around for others to make me happy from... Carolyn Golightly. 

This ties in with another aha I did have, I did have one last week via a FB friend!  She suggested a chapter in the Cheryl Richardson book, "The Art of Extreme Self Care."  I have been having a hard time adjusting to the summer schedule and was feeling overwhelmed.  Normally I would have to come up with reasons why I was feeling this way.  I would have to legitimize it.  I knew instinctively I don't have to legitimize it anymore, I just need to take care of myself because I am overwhelmed.  My friend told me about Chapter 3, which is entitled, "Let Me Disappoint You."  I just started giggling because the tune of "Let me entertain you" popped up.  Those around us will be disappointed and that is o-kay.  It is hard for the recovering people pleaser in me yet I truly see the need for boundaries.

I need to take care of myself all the time even before the overwhelming feelings but it has not been natural to do so.  Yet, I am practicing, practicing.  I practiced this morning and it seemed to be no big deal to the other person.  I knew I had to listen to my own intuition and what was best for me.  

(And on a cool note: I saw Diahann Carroll in a live production of "Sunset Boulevard" in Toronto years ago.)

Because I Knew You

I first heard the song, "For Good" on the Oprah Series Finale as sung by Kristen Chenoweth.  I got chills, as it was so powerful to watch the men that Oprah had educated walk by with candles.  It was an amazing energy coming through the tv screen that I could not deny and I teared up as Oprah received gratitude from the Morehouse men, her viewers and friends.

I had never heard the song but it blew me away.  I eventually downloaded it and listened.  It was from the musical, "Wicked."  As GaGa was losing her cancer battle, I listened.  The reputation of a mother in law is not always a positive one.  And the relationship with mine, evolved greatly over the years.  In the early ones, all was well as she lived far away in Massachusetts.   The closest in proximity we were was 7 hours away during our Buffalo stint.  A few years later, she was a widow and ready to move to Baton Rouge where we were.  I was frightened.  She didn't drive and hinted at wanting to live WITH us.  {gulp} When she would come for her two week visits which were ten days too long for me, she acknowledged my lack of perfectionism in home related matters. 

I had not learned yet that these comments said more about her than me.  If I had been okay with who I was, then the comments shouldn't matter, but they stung at the time.

Yet, she ended up in a fantastic retirement community ten minutes away and made friends and had experiences she was unable to do previously.  We worked things out.  She spent a lot of time with us at our house on weekends, and even travelled  together.  She loved my kids almost as much as I do.  As her health declined we actively discussed that "we were good."  There was nothing we needed to hash out.  She had taught me household tricks even as I wasn't really paying attention, but evidently I had listened.  In one of our last heart to hearts, she told me that I softened her.

Wow, what do you say to that?

Yet, she taught me one of the best lessons ever.  We would discuss issues at hand and then agree to disagree.  It wasn't so outright at first but over time, I realized what was occurring.  I had different opinions than her and after the conversation, we carried on as usual, with no repercussions.  Wow.  That was life changing for me.  

GaGa's birthday was May 15th.  We had chocolate cake with candles and sung Happy Birthday.  She would have been 81.  

This afternoon, I'm very excited to see "Wicked the Musical" for the first time.  The last song of the show is....

Oprah and How She Surrendered

Another facebook post from a friend, that made me think, again. I had already watched this once because it is a part of Oprah's Master Class on OWN, this particular one is her talking about herself. I thought it was great the first time I watched it and I kept it on the DVR. The title of this segment is Surrender, as you can see. She starts talking about "The Color Purple" and I really didn't want to watch it again last night, as I noticed it's ten minutes long. I decided on a lark (Holy Spirit) this morning to watch it again. The WHOLE ten minutes. I have several issues ongoing that I need to surrender, and it is not easy at all. This time her words spoke to me in a different way, I was listening from a different vantage. I have been working diligently through major issues and I now have asked myself, have I given them over? God does know I want to work through them, but have I given them over to him. It's time.

I have bought several small notebooks over time. I love the freshness, the idea of a brand new clean slate to write in. I bought one with the specific purpose of keeping tracks of prayers. So many prayer requests come in from church, friends, family, and now even Facebook. I didn't ever want to answer that I was praying for someone because I might not remember to pray every day so I thought aha, I can keep track. But I never did. Our church had a speaker about prayer and it opened my mind wide to the fact that JUST when I think about someone, that is a form of prayer. This was an encouraging new way to think of prayer and it relieved my guilt over not praying the way I thought I should. So I have these small notebooks with the intent of journaling or keeping prayers, or keeping notes from a book study and I never follow through. But today, I am finding one of those books and writing down my prayer to surrender all of the big and little things in my life. Gotta go take care of that now. It's time.



As an aside, I don't think we always get the answers we want. She really wanted to act in the Color Purple and it happened. But I know there are people who surrender and don't get the answers they want. But resting in God and surrendering, they get the peace, the comfort to cope, to move on and to live with the circumstances.

The Oprah Countdown

There are 15 shows left as of today. Oh NOOOO! In my journey To Golightly, I have come to accept that I can now say I love the Oprah Show. A year or so ago, I did not want to say that out loud because I saw a "friend's" post on FB talk about Oprah starting her own religion. I could go on to explain her religious beliefs as I have come to know them but instead I can say it
more succinctly, that's their opinion, it doesn't work for me and we can agree to disagree.

Now, I can say, that I am sad it is going off the air. I feel a twinge of sadness when I go to her website, they are counting it down. On the other hand, my DVR is too full and I can't keep up with what is taping now. But as I make my way through some of the shows, some of them are fluff, but some of them have such meaning to me. I see other people that she is interviewing having the same struggles and it makes me feel not so alone. So many people keep things all bottled up and I just can't do that anymore. I don't know who is going to come along and be able to do interviews like she does. There doesn't seem to be anyone to take up the mantle right now.

YET...

We have the Oprah Winfrey Network!! You might have heard about it. So far, The Judds who I was anxiously awaiting are not disappointing at all. You know any show that has therapy as part of it's makeup is right up my alley. I'm looking forward to Shania Twain's show especially as I heard about her "losing her voice." Making up now, for not having a voice for so many years, her story intrigues me. The Behind the Scenes of the Oprah Show have been enlightening and entertaining. Peter Walsh has had new shows and you know I love to declutter! Rosie will be coming on as well. Oprah's Master Class was interesting, most especially the ones about herself. I love to learn what makes people tick. So now Oprah's teaching will continue in a different format. I will miss the Oprah Show!

"Women, Food and God"

I have found a new book by Geneen Roth entitled, "Women, Food and God" Well, isn't that just THE trifecta for me. This is an author that was recommended by my therapist and I realized after buying a different book by her that I already had a copy of it. The self-help bookaholic that I am, evidently bought it years back and never read it. I wasn't ready to take on the issues. A few weeks back, I was listening to the "Soul Series" on XM and the conversation sounded a lot like what my therapist has been telling me about food. (It's not about a diet, it's about the emotions, eat what you crave, learn to stop when you are full, yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, sounds soooo easy) Well, lo and behold, it was Ms. Roth on the radio and this new book was mentioned. (And now it is on the cover of "O" magazine with a byline that says Oprah has finally solved her food issues. I have wondered why Oprah had not become aware of Ms. Roth's work sooner with all of her resources.)

In my journeys as of late, I have been getting similar messages from different sources, using different words but it all points to the same thing. Stop and be still with yourself, allow God in the small cracks that are there. And get at what is underneath your emotions. What I have been reading with Geneen and I'm now 7 chapters in, is that the obsessions that we have (food in my case) are our way out of the present moment, because we unconsciously believe the pain is too much for us to bear. In case this sounds like a load of crap to you, I do understand your disbelief. I have been underlining passages in this book on each page like crazy because it makes so much sense to me now. I think if I had not been in the therapy process for the last year and a half, (yes I must be a slow learner), I would not "get it" now.

I recently spent several months grieving "what is not." Situations in my life and from my past that completely shaped who I was, that weren't working for me anymore, I grieved and am accepting. It does feel like a weight has been lifted. I have been seriously changing my worldview bit by bit with small aha moments of clarity. One of the consequences of this new world view and going through that grieving process is and I quote from Ms. Roth, "a lightness of being that enthralled me." She also uses the words, "unruffled peace, everyday holiness, and ease of being in body, mind and heart." I have felt lighter, even though my weight hasn't dropped. I didn't know I had such heaviness that was weighing me down so much.

As I was reading, I was amazed by the fact, that Ms. Roth teaches meditations in her retreats that focus on breath. Okay, that's not the amazing part, it is that she focuses on the belly. Okay, that's not it either, it's this, she goes on to say, bellies are the center of our body and the center of our grounding. I quote from her, "When you ignore your belly, you become homeless." Hmmmm. (Yoga also teaches the same thing in terms of chakra's I believe) And this is the thing, I know I have written a blog or two about this topic, of listening to my gut. I have been onto something.

There is some irony here because the last few weeks for some reason, my youngest daughter has been repeatedly telling me that she loves my stomach. To me this is strange, but she's four, so I'm rolling with it. What do you say back to that? I love her stomach too? My stomach is my least liked part on my body, that is where the extra weight has collected the most. As she keeps repeating this to me, I have begun telling her that I love my stomach too. I will love my stomach and not ignore it. Mallory has been bringing my attention to my belly for me!! There is an OLD SOUL in that beautiful child. Her lovely sweet innocent spirit is bringing me a really important lesson.

No Phone Zone Pledge.

Shaving while driving???

Woman causes crash shaving bikini area while driving - NBC-2.com WBBH News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral & Naples, Florida

That is a real story. Scary.

Oprah is on a mission to stop texting while driving. I could only make it half way through the show on that topic. It was so painful to see persons who lost family members in an accident caused by someone who was on their phone. A needless loss of life for what??? To text? It was a wake up call that continues to ring for me. What message couldn't wait in lieu of someone's life?? From the show, I was reminded what an automobile weighs and that when you get behind the wheel, you are steering several thousands pounds in motion. Another fact I learned somewhere is texting while driving is more dangerous than driving while intoxicated.

I'm ashamed to write this but I haven't stopped cold turkey with the phone. I never texted, (that's just crazy!) but now I make sure to have my phone set up hands free and dial the number before the car is moving. But there is still hanging up, or answering a call which I do while I fumble to put my handsfree wired earset in. And so I acknowledge in essence it is just as crazy to talk handsfree being careful as it is to text. I am one of those people who thought, oh I'm careful, I can do it.

So the issue is still gnawing at me. And Oprah is still talking about it and having persons who come on her show sign a pledge. (I smurk slightly because I think how often do these celebrities drive themselves?!) Yet, one of the gnawing factors influencing me is that my children are watching me while I check FB at the light. Children pay attention to EVERYTHING that their parents do. AND THEY WILL BE DRIVING in years to come. Not only do I have to worry about their driving skills but the other non-thinking children of God out there who are doing something stupid while driving. That continues to make me think. I have to pay complete attention to the others who are not paying attention.

Now I can let Riley make or answer the call if family members are on the line. The last couple of weeks the kids started playing games on my IPhone which drains the battery but...maybe saves a life. I find myself compulsively wanting to check at the stoplight to see what's on FB or if there is an email but it is slowly sinking in that it can wait. Just writing this blog makes me want to sign the pledge which I am going to do.

Just to let you know...

With the news of Oprah's show going to pasture in one and a half years, my BFF told her husband, "Carolyn is going to be devastated." I laughed and thought, no, I'm relieved! This is one less show that I have in my DVR that I have to manage and keep the machine from deleting because there are too many on there. I have probably at least 25 Oprah shows in my living room DVR that I juggle because I don't watch it everyday unless it is something I really want to see the day of, then I tape it in my bedroom. Yes, I am DVR high maintenance. Did I mention the one in the playroom in front of the treadmill? I have to have something good to watch while walking...

I WILL be able to live without Oprah. Someone else will get the Big interviews. But I don't think anyone will be exactly like her, in helping other to "live their best life." I don't agree with all she does but she was good at showing humanity at it's finest. With her show ending, perhaps It will free up some time to read all of the good books, that I just don't have time for right now!! But most likely I will still have shows from this year by the time it goes off the air, so I can still watch for a good while...

On the Christmas stress front, I did make my master list, and got a little shopping done. I think what was causing more of my stress was the "ghosts" of Christmas past. Just recognizing what it was is helpful.
Happy December 1!!! Maybe now I can listen to Christmas music....not!

Mike Tyson's wisdom?

Earlier this week, I posted a response to someone on FB who was slamming Oprah via a You Tube video about her "new church." (And what they were talking about was actually old news anyway but I digress...) I would never have posted a response before because I would worry about what they would think, what others would think. I have not been good at expressing a dissenting opinion or speaking up for myself especially when it involves men. Now again, this is just Oprah but the reason that it was important to me was that part of the video criticized a book that I had actually read and it was totally misrepresented in sound bites.

I have learned to think out of the box now when it comes to "religion." I believe God is much bigger than "religion" (and has to be!!) and that we can become aware of his presence in our lives in many different ways. Churches do a huge disservice to God in that they are run by men (and few women in certain denominations) and in the end, it will boil down to power and money and that is how the "rules" of the church are made. And I believe we don't all have to do it just this "certain" way, by a certain doctrine. What Oprah was arguing with a viewer on this video was that there are many paths or ways for us to end up at the same place with God. The video slammed that among other out of context moments. And my point is, I HAVE watched her show and READ the book that was mentioned and I truly believe she is trying to help people live their best life as the tag line goes. AND I don't hate her just because she is a powerful...black...woman. Yet, I digress.

Leading up to my pivotal aha moment, I started doubting myself, that perhaps I shouldn't have posted and why did I choose to do this when it was about Oprah, for Pete's sake?? I don't have to be her defender. I have said before I don't agree with everything she says and does and blogged about some of them previously (1-she's not an impartial journalist (Obama support, etc) 2-certain celebrity interviews-Suzanne Somers, Whitney Houston, Tom Cruise,etc, 3-certain racial overtones that I have heard and seen via the show and XM radio).

This past week, I had a few moments of downtime and I turned on an episode. It was a follow up with Mike Tyson. He was bearing his soul and after the things he has done, going to prison for rape, biting off Evander Holyfield's ear, etc. I among others felt he didn't have a soul, he seemed more like an animal. It hit me as I was watching it, that the reason I like to watch Oprah is that she shows humanity at it's finest, and most REAL. And I LOVE that. Watching these types of shows are MY football season. I live in the midst of LSU football and I could just skip it. But I love learning about people and seeing the humanity in persons I would not expect it from and that is a lesson from Jesus! All people are children of God.

I am reminded again and again to see that all people are the same, no matter color, race or creed. This is MY TRUTH as I see it. Every person born needs love, and if you don't receive it, you try to take care of yourself however you can, in healthy ways and not healthy ways. Our human psychology is all the same, celebrity or not.

Mike Tyson did not receive love or proper parenting and he came from the streets, and his pathway to stay alive was as a fighter. Oprah asked how he is able to stay out of trouble now and his response was my pivotal moment. In essence, he said we are told not to be selfish by society, BUT we have to be otherwise we will be killed. I'm not worried about being killed within a drug life, but the line about being selfish struck me. I am learning to be selfish and to take care of myself. As a stay at home mother, I felt like I was supposed to be doing everything with and for my children. Every moment of playing, every class party, every field trip, every hour, every day, AND do it perfectly. This issue has been my wake up call lately. And by God, if I can watch Oprah and hear it from Mike Tyson of all people, it is worth watching for me.

I don't have to change the mind of the person who posted on FB, but this time I did have to express MY opinion even if it was "just" about Oprah. Watching that episode of television led me to a spiritual moment of truth about myself. It's my truth and I never truly understood, or accepted it until that moment. I do believe the Holy Spirit moves in strange and mysterious ways and I'm trying to pay attention, however it comes across.

Does Oprah make you sick?

On the most recent Newsweek cover was none other than Miss Oprah and the title was "Crazy Talk: Oprah, Wacky Cures and You" and on the inside is an article stating that if you follow Oprah's advice it might make you sick. I had read the article online and was quite intrigued by it. The authors are very critical of Oprah and her pseudo experts that she has had on lately.

I have written before about Oprah and I have said I generally always get something out of her shows (find a nugget of information or wisdom). I'm not a cult follower though I do DVR the show and watch most of them. I do believe that she has a calling to help people but she's not perfect. I don't read all of her books, or buy her favorite things. I just have found that generally there are things one could learn from the show that other shows just don't touch. (And my personality is one of information seeking, and Oprah does disseminate some information...) Yet this doesn't include her celebrity shows - they are generally just fluff, yet I do realize there are a lot of hours of showtime to fill!

Some of her shows have been profound for me and have made me not feel alone, such as the ones on motherhood, either talking seriously about how hard it is and the very real dark side of it or the funny ones about mom secrets that you don't want other people to know you do. Or when Brooke Shields came out with her book, "Down Came the Rain" about Postpartum Depression which took away some of the shame that one feels about experiencing PPD as I did. Or the time a few years back when a mom, whose son was in the car, while a carjacking was occuring. The mom had tried to get him out as the person was stealing the car. She watched her son die a horrible death and I will never forget that episode. The lesson I learned was never leave your child or children in the car alone and even also if something horrible happens to you, life can go on. Another episode was about a mother who knew she was dying and recorded videos for her young children to watch at specific milestones to give them the advice she would have wanted to. What foresight and it made me think, I'm still here and I need to work harder at sharing with my children what I want to impart to them.

She has everyday people on who experience extraordinary life experiences and how they get through, rise above. Most of the time, I feel she gets it right but not always. The question that was raised by some of the "Crazy Talk" article readers who commented online was what is Newsweek's connection to pharmaceutical companies that would benefit from slamming Suzanne Sommers and now Oprah who has embraced and is taking bioidentical hormones? I don't know the answer but money and politics are never far behind some people's motives. And people love to go after Oprah and try to take her down a notch.

When I read the article it just reminded me of feeling dismayed by Oprah and some of the guests on her shows. Such as when Suzanne Somers was on the stage sitting next to Oprah touting her bioidentical hormones with the medical experts sitting down below in the front row. Oprah just cut the M.D. off short as she was explaning a complicated medical fact about the dangers of giving one hormone unopposed and Oprah didn't want to hear any of it. I did.
One recent show was Kirstie Alley revealing she had gained weight and all she did was flip her hair and crack jokes about it and say she was going to lose weight, but with the help of a "supplement" that she was developing and then going to make money on??? What was the point? How about learning what is behind the addiction to food?

I think she really does want people to live their best life, but I also think she is caught up in her own celebrity and with celebrities at times. I was disgusted that she interviewed Tom Cruise for two solid hours many months back. (Did I tell you how much I like him now??!!!) The interview was huge for him to improve his badly tarnished public image, but he is a powerful celebrity and Oprah needs the celebrities to do her show. They are juggernauts of ratings and that is how the entertainment business works.

These and other recent shows, I had fleeting thoughts and gut reactions that I had not brought to the forefront of my mind until I read the article. Okay, it is just Oprah and does it really matter, but in the bigger picture of my life, I am learning to listen to my gut, more and more. I can't go wrong with my gut, I'm learning to trust it. I'm letting go of worrying about what others think more and more and it is freeing. So thank you Newsweek, thank you Oprah. I can read and watch, and pick and choose what I want to believe and listen to my gut more and more. If I learn something along the way, great, and if not I can turn off the show or find my own experts.

Oprah and I on the same page..wow

I listen to XM Radio - pretty much exclusively the Oprah channel all the time when I'm in the car and am able to listen (kids) and I most often enjoy it. (The 80's channel has just not been good lately.) Today is the kickoff for Oprah's Best Life Week on her tv show. Today's focus on the show is weight. She fell off the wagon and has gained 40 lbs. She also had a thyroid diagnosis. For some perverse reason, it makes me feel better that this very accomplished, powerful, influential woman also has a weight problem. That is a small side of my personality that I'm ashamed of. But it makes me realize time and time again, that people in the spotlight are just people who make more money and sell magazines, but they have some of the same problems that everyday people do.

I was reading Oprah's column about what she knows for sure in O Magazine and she is no longer focusing on the weight but she is focusing on: optimum health, getting support when she needs it, finding ways to nurture herself, deepening her spiritual connection and having some fun. OH MY, those were also the same things on my list. I really didn't have a list but I am doing nearly all of them. I'm on the same page with Oprah, maybe I will have a network soon!!!
I am no longer weighing myself through my nutrionist's advice and am working on letting that go. I'm getting the support I need. (ie. nutritionist) I do try to nurture myself and starting this blog was a major step for me. It is very cathartic to put it all out there whether anyone is reading it or not.
I am a spiritual person and have done a lot of work to let some of my past beliefs transform to my beliefs and this is a wonderful accomplishment and ongoing. And I'm learning to have fun. A couple of days ago in my living room, I turned on my favorite HSM 3 song by Zac Effron (Troy Bolton) and just danced to my hearts content - making it to the end of the song and out of breath. Riley sat and watched me and after she said, "Mom, you're a really good dancer." Priceless. Freestyle dancing that is, maybe it was all of the viewing of the Solid Gold dancers... I also totally enjoyed beating George's record on the Wii fit - ski jumping thing. Competition can be a great motivator. I just kept doing it until I got it down. And that is the thing about life, just keep doing it until you get it down right and moving with the roadblocks. There are always going to be setbacks. With a little help here and there, brushing one's self off after getting off track and then that new network is waiting. Set a goal, and the possibilities are endless.