Ode to a Uterus!

I had low level anxiety this past weekend and it is ramping up today.  I feel restless for a couple of reasons but one of which is there is an end of sorts coming.  The end is that I'm saying goodbye to the functioning of my uterus. {smile} Due to some excessive bleeding in the last years, I am going to undergo endometrial ablation on Tuesday at noon.  In laymen's terms, my uterus will be boiled and the surface will be scarred and an egg would never be able to implant again.

Now, I turned forty-creaking-five at the beginning of the month and long ago George and I decided we had completed our family and steps were taken on George's part to nip it in the bud.  I don't want to be pregnant and yet ending my fertility on purpose makes me a little sad.  It's a transition.  While meeting with my gynecologist, I got a little verklempt towards the end of the appointment (though in my defense, I had already been misty eyed over the first ever email from my middle school daughter at school during same appointment)  I had been under this doctor's care for both of my pregnancies and she had delivered one of them.  And now we are at the other end of my fertility spectrum.

So now, I say goodbye to my fertility.   The thing is as someone who went through infertility, I became very well versed in how the whole process works down (there) to a science.  Some people can just look at each other in the back of a Pontiac and bam, they are with child.  The depth of my fertility knowledge was stunning.  I knew all about follicles, eggs, mucus, FSH, LH, sperm count, estrogen, progesterone, PCOS,  and then came injectables, blood tests, Glucophage, Clomid, Lupron, IUI, IVF, etc. etc.  Even now, I have tiny indentations in my inner elbows from all of the blood draws over the two year period. I can also disrobe in a doctors's office in no time flat after one too many ultrasounds.

A few years ago, I ended up in the ER with pelvic pain and during the vaginal ultrasound working towards a diagnosis, the tech upon seeing my interest in my follicular development thought I wanted to get pregnant. No, I was just taking a trip down memory lane.

And I'm doing that again today.  It's okay for me to have some feelings about saying goodbye to my fertility.  It's part of being a woman, like getting your first period.  It's a part of who I am and was.  I fought really hard to be able to use my uterus!  I was very blessed to be able to be pregnant three times and give birth to two babies.  This is my acknowledgement.  Thank you uterus!  I'm sorry I have to boil you but I did appreciate you and the job you did.

Namaste.