Monday, June 20, 2016

What is Holding You Back Is All In Your Head

We recently got home from a fantastic vacation in New England.  We are a family that tries to hit as many tourist sites as we can and as a result watch our Fitbit steps skyrocket.  So now I'm depleted.  This week is VBS and Mission Day Camp for the girls and I finally said no to volunteering.  I have 2.5 hours alone each morning this week.  And I look around and see all that needs to be done: rooms that need picking up, baskets of laundry, a basket of papers, a basket of mismatched socks, counters that need cleaning, and a plethora of cat and dog hair that collected while we were gone, etc. etc.  I see closets that need attention.  I see everything that needs attention.

And it overwhelms me.

And what I really want to do it write.

And I'm tired.  Did I say I was tired? And I know when I'm tired, my thoughts can spiral downward in a negative fashion.  And in the last few years, I know that if I rest, take the time out to take care of myself, I will recover.

The introvert in me, needs to cocoon for a few hours to recover.  But we don't live in a society that recognizes that rest is a magnificent and necessary thing.  Culture says we are supposed to be on the go, go, go. Produce in some way, stay connected and go.   I have finally learned how to give myself permission to rest.  And those who live in my house are learning to allow me that as well. They do call me lazy which stings, but they can't understand exactly who I am where they are at.  We don't all have to understand each other, but accept each other as is. It is okay to disappoint loved ones.

I have found that when I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, my thoughts tell me that I will NEVER feel rested again.  And I have learned that those NEVERS usually passes in a few hours or a day and sometimes it takes 2-3 days.  And then I have energy again and begin the day with a more positive outlook and ready to GO.  Allowing myself the time to breathe and cocoon, is a necessity.

But today, in between periods of rest, I am attempting laundry.  One thing that I despise is laundry.  Actually I despise the folding, and putting away of said laundry.  I love to gather dirty laundry,  and put it in the washer and dryer - someone else is doing the job during this portion.  It's the folding that gets me.  It feels like a beast.  It feels like I am unable to ever get ahead.

So with the laundry, I feel like that horse in the above picture.  I am chained down with these thoughts that seem so heavy and...

 It's just a rickety plastic chair holding me back.

Every now and then I give in and I fold the laundry and it takes like 5 minutes.  I spend so much time, thinking that a task is TOO MUCH and I can't accomplish it and it takes 5-10 minutes.  It's amazing how thoughts work.  It is incredible if you change your thoughts, you can change your life.

It takes a lot of time, patience, awareness, and intention.  I love mindfulness.


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