Thursday, May 26, 2011

Mother's Day (yes I know I'm really late)

Sometimes the day just doesn't work out like you want it too and there are UGLY moments. This was mine. My children did not want to cooperate to take a Mother's Day picture with me. After all it was after 3pm, after church and sunday school, after picking up GaGa and wheelchair in her current condition, after lunch at a white tablecloth restaurant, after a drive to get my new favorite dessert (cakeballs), after being told to play the quiet game because the adults were getting irritated by their exuberant voices in the backseat. It was too much for them, but it was Mother's Day and I realized I wanted to take a picture.

We have to get up earlier next year.

So this was the worst picture out of three that we managed to take. This is one for FB right? We did have some wonderful precious moments with sleepy eyed greetings and cards, and those I can treasure. And I'm learning to treasure the ones from taking the pictures. Being mad is okay and that is part of being a family.

My aha moment came the next day. Mother's Day or any other holiday that I consider holy?! that I try to make emotionally perfect just can't be. I believe that most "negative" emotions were held in during my childhood right on up until a few short years ago or they came out passively aggressively. In the beginning, my therapist told me that my feelings were not right or wrong, they were just feelings. I had no idea what she was talking about because this was not what I had come to understand.I am just learning how to express "negative" feelings in an acceptable manner.

It has taken a while for this particular truth to sink in because there are just a few holidays that come around each year but now, I realize it applies to EVERY day of my life. I really desire to be "at peace." And there just can't be plain ole' peace. Life, and family are just roller coasters. Like that scene from the movie "Parenthood" I know that there are bumps and bigger bumps along the way but unconsciously I thought that I could do those "in a perfect way." Even under the most stressful situations, I wanted to handle them well, and not be depressed, or feel sad, or feel completely overwhelmed and need to cry. How freeing!!

Wow, I get it now. But next year, I will take the Easter picture BEFORE we go to church...

This clip is missing the funny line where Grandma who speaks life's truth, goes and gets in the neighbor's car.

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