Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Holy Cow! And this isn't about Chik fil a but that's coming.

Yesterday, I had a profound aha.  It was a message that I have heard over and over from various sources but yesterday was oh, so different.

I happened to watch a very small clip of the author Michael Singer on OWN's "Super Soul Sunday" from this past weekend.  An online friend had raved about it.  I don't remember exactly what he said but what I took away in the 5 minutes that I watched, was about the voice in my head and basically it is a separate entity.  It is the ego talking and you don't have to listen to it, you can choose to have different thoughts.

I have heard this before several times but this time, I saw it through in action in myself.

Yesterday afternoon, I hit a wall.  I was tired and overwhelmed, mentally and physically and felt like I couldn't go on. I wanted to crawl in the bed and let the world go away and it felt like I would need weeks to recover.  I started to list in my head everything that I have done this summer.  I was rationalizing why I should be tired.  I was comparing myself to other people, if someone else had done this then they would be tired too.  I have done this for many, many years.

And then I had a moment and decided I don't need to list it out.  If I am tired, then I am tired.  I don't need to find the reasons.

I just am...tired.

I cried a little bit.  My children walked in and I told them that I was tired.  They saw my tears.  The oldest was compassionate.  They both wanted to get out of the house and she had wanted to look for a backpack all day.  She said we could wait and go another day.  But after I had my little cry (and detached myself from my ego thoughts), I was ready to go.

I was ready to go?!  Holy cow!  How did that happen?  One moment I needed to take to the bed for at least several weeks to recover, the next, we were shopping at the mall.  I had a slight headache and didn't want to stay that long but I felt like a completely different person.

This is what acceptance must look and feel like.

After I decided to let the voice of comparison go, I accepted my tiredness and the feelings of being overwhelmed just dissipated.

Wow, holy cow.

1 comment:

  1. And now that you know what it looks and feels like, you can return at any time :-)