Yesterday, I had a profound aha. It was a message that I have heard over and over from various sources but yesterday was oh, so different.
I happened to watch a very small clip of the author Michael Singer on OWN's "Super Soul Sunday" from this past weekend. An online friend had raved about it. I don't remember exactly what he said but what I took away in the 5 minutes that I watched, was about the voice in my head and basically it is a separate entity. It is the ego talking and you don't have to listen to it, you can choose to have different thoughts.
I have heard this before several times but this time, I saw it through in action in myself.
Yesterday afternoon, I hit a wall. I was tired and overwhelmed, mentally and physically and felt like I couldn't go on. I wanted to crawl in the bed and let the world go away and it felt like I would need weeks to recover. I started to list in my head everything that I have done this summer. I was rationalizing why I should be tired. I was comparing myself to other people, if someone else had done this then they would be tired too. I have done this for many, many years.
And then I had a moment and decided I don't need to list it out. If I am tired, then I am tired. I don't need to find the reasons.
I just am...tired.
I cried a little bit. My children walked in and I told them that I was tired. They saw my tears. The oldest was compassionate. They both wanted to get out of the house and she had wanted to look for a backpack all day. She said we could wait and go another day. But after I had my little cry (and detached myself from my ego thoughts), I was ready to go.
I was ready to go?! Holy cow! How did that happen? One moment I needed to take to the bed for at least several weeks to recover, the next, we were shopping at the mall. I had a slight headache and didn't want to stay that long but I felt like a completely different person.
This is what acceptance must look and feel like.
After I decided to let the voice of comparison go, I accepted my tiredness and the feelings of being overwhelmed just dissipated.
Wow, holy cow.