Friday, August 3, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!

I turned forty four yesterday.  Wow!  I'm just now letting that number sink in.  Mallory made no comment about the largeness of the number and she will tell me the truth, God bless her old soul.  It did just strike me that it is getting close to fifty, you know how numbers do that.

I had my annual birthday tension two days ago.  It presented as being mad at my husband who had been off for the last week but went back to work on my birthday and was also on call which precluded us from an uninterrupted evening meal out.  I think I am also having PMS.  This IS a lethal combination.

This summer has been non-stop, and my birthday snuck up on me and I had not made my "take care of myself on my birthday" plans. The tension was really that I forgotten to take control of plans to make myself feel special which is what I have learned over the years.  As my six year old sage said to her sister months ago, "the only person who can change anything is you." So I found a sitter and made my spa reservations.   And decided that take out from my favorite restaurant will do.  I always have some preconceived ideas of what a birthday should look like and that is not what happens on my day.  I had to let those expectations go and move to reality.

Last year, we were at the beach on my birthday and it was fantastic.  I tried to do that again this year but George had to be a witness at a trial which is what messed up my plans royally.  In the end I just needed him to say he understood my disappointed feelings.  He did after instructions and magically, my birthday funk dissipated. It was also helped by a complete stranger at my daughter's back to school party who also validated my feelings of wanting to feel special on my birthday.  She completely got "it."

So after some acceptance of what "is", some validation, some plan making, I moved from the birthday blues to feeling gratitude on the day.  I had a wonderful day.  I enjoyed my quiet "me" spa time and then came home to an intimate surprise party. George had bought a cake and festive items the day before, and my sitter helped the girls decorate even more.  I got teary eyed opening THE sweetest cards.  I even got a birthday sash that declared my fabulousness!  I had a cat nap.  And then the girls were bored so we ran errands at the mall, and ended up meeting a tired George for supper.  

I was able to spend my birthday with the loves of my life.  I needed to take care of myself first though. I have to be the first love and then it makes all else flow well and it so much easier to come from a place of gratitude.

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