Monday, March 2, 2015
Thirteen Year Old Pee Sticks
And yet, I still can't let them go.
I did throw away three of them and kept just one from '02 and one from '05. These sticks represent two years of trying to get pregnant. I peed on a lot of sticks waiting for lines to appear that never did. I waited and waited. I even peed on ovulation sticks that would not turn positive.
These sticks were so disappointing on so many levels.
They never worked for me.
And that was the problem. I didn't ovulate. So I went through a lot of treatment to work to make my body ovulate. I have indentations in the creases of my arms from all the blood draws. It was a tumultuous time. There was a lot of emotional upheaval. There was a lot of grief for the loss of what wasn't occurring. And that was hard for me and for other people to understand.
I was not an easy person to live with. Poor George would walk through the door to see what state I was in. If I was laying on the couch, not good. If I was upright, then it was better.
Will I ever be able to let them go? I don't know. Still not ready yet. I haven't gotten rid of the insurance or prescription paperwork from the same time either.
Maybe one day.