Facebook Conversations Getting Hijacked

I wrote a Facebook post a while ago about the fact that I don't recognize the Republican party who is taking away healthcare and food from the poor so that billionaires can have more money and to gather up more brown people and put in concentration camps for profit. A commenter from my hometown stated that there were no votes to cut healthcare or feed the poor.  This is completely untrue and they pivoted away from that truth and went to abortion again and again.  A couple of my friends who disagreed with him joined in and off it went for several hours. 

It took me time to see that the responder changed the subject, because he had to validate his vote for Trump.  He stated he can't vote for a party that supports abortion because he is pro-life.   His dogged determination to support fetus cells outweighs everything that can happen to humans outside the womb.  It outweighs every criminal and immoral act of Trump and that was enlightening.  He changed the subject when his points were no longer valid. 

And we let him change the subject.  

This is me reflecting that I have to learn to voice myself in the moment, but I need practice. And I needed to recognize what was happening.   I freeze during confrontation, and that is why I take the time to write.  I need to stay on the subject.  Writing helps me get my bearings, stay open and even keeled. 

The Facebook encounter was enlightening because there was one issue that this person was basing his vote on.  For years, myself and many many others can't wrap our heads around the continued support of Trump.  The Republican party has been hijacked and they have let it happen but the reality is this is who the party is. This is who the party is. There were many times Congress could have stood up and taken power away from this horrendous individual, but they caved to the despot over and over and over again.  It was heartening though that this person on FB doesn't agree with everything that Trump is doing.  A small amount of heartening but I took it.  

Even now, I just got diverted from the topic I intended but it is worth sharing. I just looked up the Moral Majority because of the abortion discussion. Did you know that prior to the Moral Majority movement in the 70's and 80's that the Southern Baptist Convention was in favor of opening up access to abortion in many cases throughout the 70's and after Roe v. Wade?  Look it up!  Abortion is a very complicated moral matter and many religious leaders reflected that in their stance on the issue at the time.  Even James Dobson, in 1973 said the Bible was silent on abortion and that an evangelical could believe that “a developing embryo or fetus was not regarded as a full human being.” The Moral Majority movement used abortion to be the issue to get people to vote Republican because the real issue at hand wasn't as popular to voters.  The motive behind the anti-abortion movement was so that whites-only segregationist academies, many church sponsored (Bob Jones University & Jerry Falwell's included) could keep their IRS tax-exempt status. So racism was the underlying reason.  This is why the Trump party wants to ban books about race.  These are the types of things one learns when they read history.

Now back to what I should have said in the post. 

 I don't vote for a party who supports the person who tried to overthrow our government to stop the formal process of certifying a free and fair election by planning and starting a riot.   I don't vote for the party that lets that insurrection play out for hours without calling in reinforcements and lets police die. I don't vote for the party who asks Georgia's top election official to "find 11,780 votes" and then terrorizes the election workers and lies about an election being stolen. I don't vote for the party who supports the person who grabs women by the pussy, and is convicted of sexual assault.  I don't vote for the party of the person who willfully retains national defense information in their bathroom, which falls under the Espionage Act. I don't vote for the party of the person who lied over 30,000 times his first administration.  (We knew he was lying about Project 2025 too.)  I don't vote for the party who supports the convicted felon due to breaking campaign finance laws.  I don't vote for a party who supports the person who steals from charities and lies on their taxes.  I don't vote for the party of the person who runs a fraudulent university and has a 25 million guilty verdict.   I don't vote for party of the person (& his family) who profits off the office immeasurably.  I don't vote for a party of the person who golfs every weekend and we pay millions to his businesses.  I don't vote for the party who supports the person who brags about watching underage teenage beauty contestants change clothes because the owns the pageant. 

This list can go on and on.  That was my highlight real. 

I don't want to fight on Facebook, it does no good and my nervous system then interferes with my sleep.  But as our country is in the throws of fascism I have to say something. 

For those who can't see it:

 Key characteristics of fascism:

Authoritarianism: Fascism concentrates power in a single leader or party, suppressing dissent and individual freedoms.  (Republican Congress persons have to bow to Trump's every whim or he goes against them and they lose their job)  

Ultranationalism: Fascism promotes an intense form of nationalism, often emphasizing racial or cultural purity and superiority.  (wrapping themselves in flags,  he vilifies all non-white immigrants and people, those "shithole countries" cancelling DEI) 

Militarism: Fascist regimes often glorify military power and conquest, using it to enforce their ideology and expand their influence.  (military parade, use of unidentified ICE agents to round up brown individuals, describes military who get caught or come back wounded as losers) 

Suppression of Opposition: Fascism actively suppresses or eliminates political rivals, critics, and minority groups. (attacks on Obama, Clinton, Biden now trying to use HIS justice system to do so) 

State Control: Fascism seeks to control various aspects of society, including the economy, media, and education, to promote its goals. (Starts tariff wars because he can, suing media networks, excluding history of non-whites and slavery from classroom education, book bans. 

Rejection of Liberalism and Democracy: Fascism opposes the principles of individual rights, freedom of speech, and democratic governance.  (Wants to break up peaceful protests by force which are a first amendment right) 

The facisim is playing out every day and getting stronger. 

Another reason why I couldn't vote for the Trump party. One huge mode of operation of his is narcissism.  He continuously hates on anyone who disagrees with him.  He is so emotionally fragile he cannot handle having opposition.  He hates Democrats or anyone who disagrees with him and wants them in jail and expresses that often.  This bully tactic enthralls certain sects of his supporters and worsens the divide in the country.   He has never once tried to be my President.  His message is divisive, bullying and childish.  Every President before him has tried to unify the country even around huge disagreement.  All of them wanted to be the president for the whole country even though they disagree on policy.  

His authoritarianism, crimes, racism, narcissism, moral deprivation, character flaws and policies are why I could not vote for him or his party. 

Even though I don't like conflict, the Facebook conversation was illuminating. The Facebook commenter is not a terrible person at all.  We wholeheartedly disagree on basic fundamental issues yet I was able to get a glimpse of understanding the "why" of Trump votes.  A small glimpse and that is enough for now. 

Namaste. 

The divine in me bows to the divine in you. 

I Needed To Not Feel Alone

Ernest Hemingway once said: "In our darkest moments, we don’t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection—a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much."

Ernest Hemingway may or may not have said that.  Everything on Facebook is not true! I tried to investigate but I couldn't tell if it was accurate. So it might be true. What I did want to say is that the wisdom in the sentiment is very true. 

We were recently on a week long vacation in Rhode Island. I plan the itinerary (with many reminders from eldest)  and on an annual basis, I forget to schedule in downtime. After several full days of going, I hit a wall of exhaustion.   One morning, I was just so very done. I was beside myself.   I tried to communicate to my husband and eldest daughter this overwhelm that I was experiencing and it wasn't landing.  I was getting blank stares which are the worst.  I will admit that I tend to repeat things to try to desperately get what I'm looking for and that makes it worse. 

 My younger daughter was still sleeping while I was talking with husband and eldest. When she and I were alone after she remarked she was tired too, I strategized with her, and said, "I need you on my team."  

I need you on my team. 

She then remarked she meant she hadn't woken up yet.  I sighed. In that moment, I just needed someone to be on my team. 

I needed to not feel alone. 

We went on with our plans that morning and I repeated before we left the airbnb that I planned for down time in the afternoon.  We went on our way, we had lunch and then I was going to get dropped off while they went on to do another activity.  They kept talking, and decided to postpone the activity until tomorrow.  So everyone came home and had down time (because we all needed it!) 

Somewhere along the way,  I had an epiphany that I didn't need everyone to feel the same way I did.    What I end up doing in an instance like this, is trying to convince others why I was tired, why I needed down time.  It felt truly awful, that I was having to rationalize my feelings to others.  If I feel it, that is my experience.  I knew I needed to approach it in a different way. The epiphany was that what  I needed in those moments earlier was a gentle presence of understanding.  

I needed a knowing look of compassion. My husband and I have been together for 32 years.  He is a problem solver and surgeon who literally cuts out problems in life, so we have tangoed with this for a long time. We are making progress. Several weeks ago, I was upset about something, and he walked over to me, sat down and put his arm around me and said nothing. But he was present with me in that moment and that was what I exactly needed.  This simple (!) human connection as Hemingway may or may not have talked about is related to our past trauma.  I was having anxiety over not being able to keep going for myself and disappointing my family.

I have been led down a new path of understanding trauma in the body, especially related to the generalized anxiety I have.  A few years ago a friend mentioned the book, "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk.  And suddenly, I began seeing this message everywhere and how the body was the holder of all trauma. The body was the temperature gauge for all things emotional, etc. For years, I stayed in my head and wanted to rationalize everything that was happening to me. I also thought I just need to learn how to relax, to meditate, to freaking calm down!  Anxiety would paralyze me and I wanted to get rid of it in any way possible. But slowly with the aid of my wonderful therapist and eventually the use of Internal Family Systems Therapy, I learned that I needed to reparent myself and learn how to be with whatever came up and welcome it.  Could this BE any more opposite to what I had been doing for decades?  It was daunting work to make friends with everything that came up because there was a LOT pushed down. Little by little I learned to sit with the immense sadness, abandonment, and shame. 

I needed to be the gentle presence for myself. 

I may have written this same sentiment before but it's taking me a while to grasp to welcome ALL feelings, and not fight them off.  It goes against every fiber of my being. 

After decades of looking outside myself, and staying in my head looking for answers, I have learned to stop and have a conversation with the younger version of myself.  That younger version is guiding me every minute and I have to welcome, befriend and heal her. She is not going away.  She is my guide. 

She is my guide and I must pay attention and nurture her. 

I must be her gentle presence. 

Namaste.