Sunday, February 1, 2009
Diets Don't Work
I am still seeing my nutritionist on a weekly basis and it is hard work. It is unlike any experience that I have had with a nutritionist, dietician or diet center. I hate to even put the words diet center in that same line up because I respect trained and educated nutritionists & dieticians even though they put me on DIETS WHICH DON'T WORK. Can you tell I have had bad experiences at diet centers??? When I do manage to get to my body's natural weight whatever that is and am comfortable, I am going to scream from the mountaintop, DIETS DO NOT WORK. Well, I am screaming it from the vantage of this blog right now.
Now the kicker is, watch who you talk to about your new eating plan as a lot of people will not understand it. I know there will be some who might but many will not. Now are you sitting down and ready to hear what the first step of my nutritionist's plan is? The first step of my work is to think about what I really really want to eat and sit down, eat it and enjoy it. Yes! No formula but to eat what you want to eat. That is unheard of in the billion dollar diet industry especially in the month of January after New Year's Resolutions but then there is a hitch and that will come later.
The point is that I have many forbidden foods in my world. I have made many foods illegal, so illegal that I couldn't even tell the nutritionist what I craved. I have not allowed myself to enjoy food. Thus what I end up doing after I have deprived myself of something that I really want is that I then overeat on other food until I am completely stuffed. This process is very shaming, and I feel out of control and then feel guilty. So I am learning to enjoy food and it is actually quite hard to do. And I've gained weight which is normal in the process, but is exactly the opposite of what I want to do. Yet I'm holding on, monitoring my hunger and keeping with it.
A recent conversation with an acquaintance in which she first said, "You, want to lose weight?" (as in she didn't think I needed to lose any) I tried to explain that I have had to buy new clothes in a larger size because I've gained weight and I don't feel comfortable. I then realized that the person I was talking to is a large boned woman who is an inch or two taller than me and even more solid than I. I have very thin wrists and ankles and the weight that I am carrying does not feel right on my frame. I am practicing yoga and I'm squishing parts of me together that shouldn't have to. I don't feel like myself in this skin. I realize her not wanting me to lose weight has more to do with her than with me. As I tried to explain in brief that I was learning to enjoy my food as I hadn't in the past. She then said in a snickering way, "So you are paying her to tell you that you can eat cake." In a word, yes. There was no need to try to explain any further to her. Later than afternoon, I felt myself get really irritated. She was basically making fun of this very serious topic for me.
The bottom line is that again, this has more to do with her than with me. I truly know that I'm on the right track. It's a very slow track which at first takes me in the opposite direction that I want to be in. But I know intrinsically that I'm on the right track. Diets felt so depriving. I despised, hated, loathed going to the weigh ins at LA Weight Loss, Jenny Craig and years before at Weight Watchers. I knew those counselors didn't understand what was going on. They knew the diet and that was it. I knew it went much deeper than just a diet. It is a lifestyle, it is enjoying foods in moderation. And now, here is that hitch. I have to get at the reason why when my stomach feels full and I'm no longer hungry and I've meet my body's dietary needs for the day, why do I continue to eat? That is so painful and addressing that is at the core of the matter. I have to find those answers myself. I have to feel the pain of whatever is making me relieve my stress by eating.
Another major part of this is that I want my two beautiful daughters to love their bodies and I want to eat properly in front of them as an example. I have to learn to do it for myself first and then I can model the appropriate behaviors. And again, I will scream from my blog, DIETS DON'T WORK!!!
Oh, I have discovered M&M's have been one of my forbidden foods. As well as popcorn at the movies. So as I'm on my trek to see all of the Oscar nominated movies, I will have popcorn and M&M's while I am enjoying the show. It is hard work but someone has to do it. And then that hitch, I have to stop when I'm full which really doesn't take long, but I'm learning to enjoy every morsel one bite at a time, slowly.