Sunday, April 19, 2009
The Sex Questions
As you can tell I watch Oprah and I just counted and have 32 of her shows on my DVR. I juggle to delete other things so that one day I can watch them all or when summer comes and everything is reruns, I can have time to catch up and watch the shows from the winter. I try to delete them but then I know I always find a little nugget of information in them so I keep them and juggle. But recently the shows that I HAD to watch were about telling your children about their bodies, and sex and all that entails with Dr. Laura Berman.
I don't know about you but when I was growing up there was no sex talk, and this is an area that I am going to have to prepare for as I have no roadmap in teaching my own children. And I really want to do a good job with my girls. They are young but I am trying to lay the foundation now for having open conversations when the time comes.
This show spoke to me for many reasons as well as for the above reasons. And I had a huge AHA moment. This show had two fourteen year olds that were ready to have sex, yes and they were on the telly with their mothers talking about it (and where were the dads???) They were a cute couple, and were in love, holding hands.
The parents had tried their best, (that's what we all do our very best) the girl's mom had talked AT HER, the boy's mom was very open and had many discussions WITH HIM. But the kicker was when Dr. Laura Berman, (I love her) proceeded to ask the couple several pointed questions. Why do you want to have sex now? What will happen the next day? How long do you plan to be together? That last question was the one that tripped it all up. They asked the boy and he said "a long time." She then proceeded to ask the clarification of all clarifications. (Give it time, don't rush it...Oprah had to intervene and make Dr. Berman slow down) "How long is a long time?" He pauses dramatically, and finally says "6 months to a year."
Close up on fourteen year old girl, who has just been given the shock of her life thus far. I feel for her. She had no idea this was coming. My aha moment was that I could put myself back in her shoes (not the part about wanting to have sex at fourteen) but the I'm in love, and this is going to last forever. A long time defined for a young girl is forever, and that means they will get married and have children together and a long time for a boy...six months.
They talked some more about it, and asked fourteen year old girl again if she was ready to have her first time with him and she said well, not if he was going to put the limit on their relationship at six months. Wow, lesson learned. The questions were so relevant and ones that as a mother you wouldn't think of and I need to write them down for later use (or maybe I will save these in my DVR for a couple of years!!) I hope that the discussion was now opened up more for this young girl and her mother. I hope that I am able to empower my girls and give them the right amount of information, guidance, and values. And as for the fourteen year old boy, I wonder if he wishes that he had not gone on Oprah with Dr. Berman???