Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day, Milkweed and Memories

Mallory gave me my Mother's Day gift yesterday, which was a shoe box filled with 2 homemade cards, some of her makeup and my trophy from participating in a Farm Bureau Queen's contest in 1986.  Priceless!

Riley applied my makeup and gave me a foot and hand massage.  It wasn't so long ago that I was struggling to become a mother and I will never forget that journey. The girls are growing up quickly and these moments are precious including the ones when I want to pull my hair out in exasperation.  All of these moments, priceless and aggravating are the precious ones.  I am learning to appreciate them all.

It was our first Mother's Day without GaGa.  I know George had some sadness and I did too.  Earlier in the week as I spontaneously decided to grab my mother's day card, I was overwhelmed and could have had the ugly cry in the middle of the CVS aisle because I only needed one card this year.

Grief hits in different ways and waves I have heard, but maybe this next experience wasn't grief.  On Friday night,  Mallory and I attended a Disney Princess on Ice show.  GaGa happily attended these types of events with us and marveled at how good they were.   At times, she really lived in the moment and that is what I aspire to.   I was compulsed to buy too many souvenirs, but I went with it for some reason this time.  As my tears flowed toward the end of the Rapunzel and Flynn Rider portion, it hit me that GaGa must be with us. I have been watching "Long Island Medium" and her advice that when you feel your departed love one in some shape or form, know that they are with you.  I believe her.

I have known we needed to honor Mary in some way for us and for the girls.  It hit me yesterday how to do so. Our next door neighbor has shown us how the Monarch butterflies lay their eggs and then the caterpillars eat every single leaf of the milk weed plant and form the chrysalis with an elegant gold edge.  The appointed time passes and the Monarch butterfly emerges.  Mary loved butterflies and has one on her headstone.  So yesterday afternoon, we planted four milkweed plants and I look forward to watching the life cycle progress next Spring.

We will be making a trek to Disney soon, and I look forward to riding "It's a Small World" because that was GaGa's favorite.  And if I have the ugly cry that's okay, it's dark and loud in there!  GaGa, we miss you but I feel you around us!

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