Thank You, Thank You Very Much!

Got back from our 9 day driving vacation late last night.  At the last minute we decided to haul it all the way back from Atlanta leaving there at 1pm EST and arriving in Baton Rouge at 11:30pm CST.  I'm too tired to figure out if it was actually ten and a half or eleven and a half hours of driving with the zone change.  It was long but it did not feel as long as some road trips in the past.

I am very thankful to the practice of mindfulness for this.  Each time something negative occurred and negative thoughts popped in my head, I asked a question.  "Can I live with this?"  And the answer has been yes lately.

Our trek involved driving to Dallas for a concert and spending three nights there then moving on to Memphis for a two night stopover and Elvis immersion and then on to Atlanta to see our new nephew and his parents for three nights.  During the time in Dallas, I became sick with a sore throat and mild body ache which by Memphis had moved into nasal congestion and drip.  This would have devastated me in the past.  I would have worried constantly about the fact that I was sick and made myself even more miserable.  This time, I announced the need for a drug store trip, purchased medicine and I took it round the clock to keep the symptoms at bay.  The only distress that popped up was whether I would be able to hold the new nephew with my germs.

This is a slight and subtle change but I noticed it.  The absence of worry and constant fear is phenomenal.  This is a higher quality of life.  Now that I have experienced it, I never want to go back.

Enjoying the present moment is the bee's knees. : )

After the cold got better, bam, my period kicked in.  And this was even while I was doggedly applying progesterone cream to prevent said period from occurring during the trip.  My body had other ideas.  My first thought was, "Are you kidding me?" It was beginning to feel like a plague.  The next thought was hmmm, be miserable or get on with it?  And another trip to the drugstore and as Elvis would say, I was "taking care of business"

We made it to Atlanta.  My symptoms receded and I began to feel much better.  I no longer needed round the clock medicine.  I obsessively washed my hands and slathered on anti-bacterial gel and on the second day, I decided it should be okay to hold the newest member of our family for a brief time.

I became very verklempt.  I sat down in the big chair, and no one really noticed though.  This was the moment I had been waiting for.

I knew Ga Ga was with us.

I am thankful for Teresa Caputo aka "The Long Island Medium" because as she described one show, if you feel the deceased's presence, then they are with you.  I felt it.  I didn't share this because I don't know how the others would feel but it didn't matter, I felt it and that was enough.


And again, as Elvis would say, "Thank you, thank you very much!"

Thank you mindfulness.

Mother's Day, Milkweed and Memories

Mallory gave me my Mother's Day gift yesterday, which was a shoe box filled with 2 homemade cards, some of her makeup and my trophy from participating in a Farm Bureau Queen's contest in 1986.  Priceless!

Riley applied my makeup and gave me a foot and hand massage.  It wasn't so long ago that I was struggling to become a mother and I will never forget that journey. The girls are growing up quickly and these moments are precious including the ones when I want to pull my hair out in exasperation.  All of these moments, priceless and aggravating are the precious ones.  I am learning to appreciate them all.

It was our first Mother's Day without GaGa.  I know George had some sadness and I did too.  Earlier in the week as I spontaneously decided to grab my mother's day card, I was overwhelmed and could have had the ugly cry in the middle of the CVS aisle because I only needed one card this year.

Grief hits in different ways and waves I have heard, but maybe this next experience wasn't grief.  On Friday night,  Mallory and I attended a Disney Princess on Ice show.  GaGa happily attended these types of events with us and marveled at how good they were.   At times, she really lived in the moment and that is what I aspire to.   I was compulsed to buy too many souvenirs, but I went with it for some reason this time.  As my tears flowed toward the end of the Rapunzel and Flynn Rider portion, it hit me that GaGa must be with us. I have been watching "Long Island Medium" and her advice that when you feel your departed love one in some shape or form, know that they are with you.  I believe her.

I have known we needed to honor Mary in some way for us and for the girls.  It hit me yesterday how to do so. Our next door neighbor has shown us how the Monarch butterflies lay their eggs and then the caterpillars eat every single leaf of the milk weed plant and form the chrysalis with an elegant gold edge.  The appointed time passes and the Monarch butterfly emerges.  Mary loved butterflies and has one on her headstone.  So yesterday afternoon, we planted four milkweed plants and I look forward to watching the life cycle progress next Spring.

We will be making a trek to Disney soon, and I look forward to riding "It's a Small World" because that was GaGa's favorite.  And if I have the ugly cry that's okay, it's dark and loud in there!  GaGa, we miss you but I feel you around us!