Saturday, February 9, 2013

Just Having A Bad Day

I have had some good emotional turmoil going on.  The kind that freaks me out completely.   The kind that feels like it will never go away.

And then it does go away and I am completely and utterly amazed.

I watched it happen, I allowed it to flow through.  I didn't question the feelings (for very long at least) or try to rationalize them.  I told myself, it was a bad day.

I just had a bad day.

I received input from sources I should have walked away from because it was negative and my intuition was telling me to walk away.   I even joked about it to the people but didn't follow through.   After I moved away I realized I took what they were saying to heart, and it was too much.  I am sensitive that is who I am and that is what you call boundaries.

I eventually did move away when there was a clear and more polite out but I needed to have spoken up sooner.   Speaking up for myself is something that I am working on.  A few other things went down across the day and the day was shot.

I stopped myself from asking "why?" repeatedly and moved to what I have come to understand that I need to do:  Be Kind To Myself.  Extreme Self Care is what some people call it.   I stop questioning the feelings, and let them go.  And mystically, magically, they do.  The feelings come up and it's my thoughts ABOUT the feelings as Mary O'Malley says in the video which make me suffer.  And boy, have I suffered from these feelings in the past.   I have heard this message from a few of my most beloved gurus and I am beginning to see how it works in real life.

Ms. O'Malley whom I don't know from Adam is a FB friend, therapist and author.  She wrote a book called "The Gift of Our Compulsions" which I hear is very good.  I have only looked at parts of the book.  She posted this video and I listened to it while I walked the dog after my bad day had occurred.  The title drew me in.  When so many ahas come together, so many truths that I know intimately now, it is thrilling.  When I am able to move from complete emotional turmoil to "it's just a bad day"   I know something is working.

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