Monday, February 7, 2011


Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.
Attributed to A Course in Miracles

Saw this on FB and it stopped me in my tracks. We should not be looking outside of ourselves for validation, love, approval. It's all within. And when we love overselves, we are more able to freely give of ourselves. Funny how that happens.

And then, God is there in the cracks when we let him in. Wow. This is what I have been learning through therapy and in all of my explorations. I love this journey and all of the little tidbits that I pick up. It is fascinating and fulfilling for me.

I have realized in the last year how many barriers I have built up from childhood on. Ways that I though were "normal" but now I am purposefully changing. The lessons to change them are hard and painful but also enlightening and freeing and it all boils down to LOVE.

I am so hard on myself. I am unforgiving and perfectionistic with myself and especially about how long this process is taking. I come to understand my issues intellectually and think bingo, that's it, I'm done...but alas the problem is that I then have to then FEEL my way through them emotionally. And I realize this mountain was built over the course of 40+ years and it is going to take time to plow through it. I'm still eating through my emotions at times. October, November and December were just crazy busy and didn't allow me to take time for myself at all. January started off with more of the same but now it is February and projects are slowing down, GaGa is relatively stable for now. The more I take care of myself and nurture myself, the more at peace and the more I have to give to those I love. Finding the balance, finding the barriers and experiencing the LOVE. That's what life is all about.

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