If I Feel That Way Again...

After hitting a wall two weeks ago, and really digging deep, giving myself permission to feel the pain of loss (GaGa), and lack of control (skin cancer), my outlook brightened.  I went to therapy and commented how my mood was better after going through the deep ugly cry, and getting it out the week before.  My therapist said allowing those feelings out was the precursor to being in the more pleasant place I was in currently.  I said something about maybe feeling those low feelings again in the future.

My therapist responded, WHEN you feel that way again.

I just chuckled.  The desperate desire to not feel those deep dark painful feelings remains! but now I can laugh at myself because I forget.  There is no place to go to escape the highs and lows.  I cannot wake up and feel "good" each day.  I have to ride the roller coaster of emotions which make up life.  It is getting a little easier bit by bit to accept those low feelings WHEN they come around.

I also had been thinking about my eldest daughter.  She has a multitude of feelings about being left out with her friends at school.  I hear about this frequently.  It hit me that she has to learn to process these uncomfortable feelings of hers, just like I do.   There is something in me as a mother, who wants her to not feel any pain BUT, and this is the biggest BUT of all, we all have to live with the ups and downs of life.   Wouldn't it be a fantastic lesson for her and my youngest to learn it now?!  I can't take away her pain but I can guide her in acceptance at a nine year old level.  And probably the best way is by example.  When I'm tired, I rest.  When I need to cry, I don't hide it.  When I'm excited, I show it.  When I'm frustrated, explain why.  When I'm joyful, dance.  My daughters are watching every move I make.  And pretty much every day I learn something new.

I'm so glad we can afford for me to go to therapy. {big smile}