Tuesday, April 3, 2012

My Friends: SPF and Rashguards

I went in last week for my three month mole check after my diagnosis of melanoma at the end of November. I have three fresh new scars. I'm awaiting the results of three moles that were questionable. I knew this was likely. I would much rather have them taken off and tested when the only treatment for this cancer is to keep hacking off tissue to get clean margins where the mole resided.

I haven't fully accepted this melanoma diagnosis although I am reminded every day that I shave my legs. The diagnosis occurred at the beginning of December when my mother in law was dying, and it was Christmas. It happened and I was there but it hadn't sunk in. The reminder card from my Dermatology clinic came and I waited until after the burial in PA to make the appointment.

I haven't fully accepted that I have to become the sun czar for myself and my children and I need to intimately know every brown spot on my body including scalp,ears, eyes and butt cheeks. SPF, shade, rash guards and hats are my new friends and I wasn't ready to put them in my circle on such a permanent basis although I always was aware. A lot of this damage had already been done prior to my twenties.

It just takes time for the psyche to accept this new information. It's a process I believe. Having three new scars is helping me progress in this process of acceptance. But the timing is good, as the humidity and temperature is rising for ridiculously hot summer coming. I am working to get more prepared. In my early youth going to the pool was a social event, and picking out just the right swimsuit was always a part. Now I am searching Lands End for a long sleeve rash guard and skirted bottom. Times they are a changing. The point is I am alive. I have scars but I am alive.

*The results came back, and two moles were atypical, one more than the other so I will have a little more flesh removed and a couple of stitches but overall, very good news. I am grateful.

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