Sunday, July 14, 2013

Living with the Enemy

I caught the end of a Julia Roberts movie, "Sleeping with the Enemy" from 1991.    I remember loving the end of the movie back then even thought it was violent and that is not my type of movie at all.  As our damsel in distress Julia has the gun pointed at her mentally and physically abusive husband that she has elaborately escaped from, she calls the police and tells them to send someone as she has just shot an intruder.  She hangs up and then she shoots him.  Bam!  After he has one last theatrical attempt to grab at her, he falls down dead, for sure, this time.

This movie was very black and white.  The bad guy was clear from the very beginning.

What if that enemy resides within?  And what you need to kill off is your own thought patterns? I saw the movie and wished that the growth journey could be that straight forward.  Oh, how I wish it could be that straightforward.  And then I could dance around to "Brown Eyed Girl" which is one of my favorite songs.

I recently had a comment told to me about how good someone else's appearance was in regard to her weight and there is a history with the speaker.  It felt like a dagger.  This person's appearance or the speaker's opinion has nothing to do with me, but I immediately took it personally.  It took 2 days for me to gain awareness that the comment wasn't directed at me and it's my doubts about my own appearance that was the dagger.

Uggggghhhh.  That ego.

I can now look at the dagger comment as "another f'ing growth opportunity."  And that's another growth to use the word f'ing because I don't like swearing either. Yet the plain words,  growth opportunity doesn't seem strong enough for how I'm feeling.  This summer, I'm a little tired and emotionally worn out and I need solitude.

In the end I am actually glad for the comment because I DO see it now as AFGO.  My self worth was really in the toilet a few years ago and I'm making my way out slowly and surely as I pay attention day in and day out and do the hard work.  In the movie,  Julia had to learn to swim and save her money over time in order to get to the point of escape. So even in the movie she had to work too!

The fact that the comment doesn't sting anymore and it only took 2 days and I don't blame the other person anymore is growth.

Bam!  The ego is dying, slowly ever so slowly and there will be many more theatrical attempts to grab me but I will continue to pay attention.

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