Friday, May 1, 2015

How I Relate To Bruce Jenner

(This was written prior to Caitlyn's unveiling yesterday - so Bruce is still referred to as a he.)

A few weeks back, I came home from a wedding and sat on the edge of my bed watching the recording of Diane Sawyer's interview with Bruce Jenner earlier that evening.  I was mesmerized.  It was so well done.  Bruce was finally able to tell his truth without interruption and with compassion and a little education added in from Diane.

I've watched him on the Kardashians.  I was done with it until Bruce began emerging in his truth.   I was interested in him (I remembered him as the Olympic champion - hubba, hubba) but as I watched him through a few seasons, he was not who I thought he would be.  He was much more passive but also seemingly sensitive, kind and loving.  He was the sane one.

He told his story to Diane so fluidly as obviously it was sixty-five years in the making.  That is a long, long time to wait to speak your truth.  On a different level than gender identity, I identify where he is coming from in terms of being true to one's self.   For me, it's about staking my place as a left leaning Christian living in a Bible Belt South Louisiana.  I grew up surrounded by guns, camouflage, LSU Football, attending church revivals, and nary an examination of feelings anywhere.  And later on, my dad had either Fox News, football, or a Western blaring in the background. None of it sat well with me.

I can tell you what I'm passionate about.  I LIVE to examine who I am and my thought processes!  It makes me giddy. That is when I feel closest to God because when I am quiet and let all of the other thoughts and distractions go, that is when I am able to recognize the eternal loving presence always INSIDE of me.

And Jesus is the biggest consciousness person out there.  Be still and know that I am God…from Psalms. He was all about renewing the mind. And renewing the mind is about working on your through processes.

So I don't identify with things that are really celebrated around me yet I am absolutely passionate about my consciousness journey.  And it has taken me to my forty-sixth year of life to really own it.  It's been done in baby steps.  I did touch upon it in May 2009, entitled "Uncomfortable Religious Moments."  It was very truthful for me to write it yet I worried about acceptance from those around me (even though I told no one and just posted it to the world wide web!! LOL)   Over time it has sunk in that I can't worry about those around me, I have to be true to my own soul.  And that's how I identify with Bruce and wish the best for him.  It is going to be strange to see him as a woman, but the strange factor is overtaken and overruled by knowing I have to be who I am and allow those around me to be who they are.

So on a certain level, I understand what Bruce has been communicating ever since the Diane Sawyer interview.   For me living in a really Red state where Governor Bobby Jindal is issuing executive orders against LGBT, LSU Football reigns  and Duck Dynasty is celebrated, this does not sit well with my soul.  Until the last decade or so, I didn't even examine who I was enough to know where I stood because I was so fearful.  I went along with the crowd because I was too scared and it feels very isolating and lonely to step out on my own.

But it is not for me to go with the flow anymore.

If you are not aligned with your soul, the world is a pretty miserable place to live in.

And when you allow yourself to be who you are, as hard as that is, the universe rises up to meet you and you eventually find your tribe and it feels so right and LOVING with your soul and God.  I know, this is where I am supposed to be.


P.S. I used a lot of black and white language (right and left)  in this blog to get my point across.  The media paints the picture of right wing, left wing, red state, and blue state.  I don't think people fit in these categories as neatly as I used in the examples. And I don't think we are as divided as it appears or feels.  At some point, I had a big aha that my higher power was the same God that others believed in.  We just have different rules and language which seem to create a big divide. Well, and the fact that they think I'm going to hell doesn't bother me anymore.  {grin}

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