Sometimes no planning can be the best. I'm on a high that we had a great family day and it was totally off the cuff. George and I woke up on a Sunday morning, tried to have a cup of coffee before the girls woke up but no such luck. I tried to mouth the words, "skip church and go somewhere" but the man cannot read lips. I thought it would be really nice for the family to have a day together and an educational field trip. George will be working more weekends now and we decided to take advantage of this day and try the new Insectarium in New Orleans.
I think the reason I was on a high is that I've begun to stop worrying so much. My anxiety level is not so high any more. This is a huge obstacle to overcome. I actually spent the day in New Orleans and felt it was pleasant. You say, why is that such a big deal? I grew up in the country and the parental guidance was such that if you drove to New Orleans and got out of the car, then you would get shot and die. I don't think they ever said that per say, but that was the message none the less. And that is how I have lived my first twenty years or so.
And then I met my then boyfriend, now husband and we "courted" (I think I am the only one in my generation to use the word courted, but I love it!) in New Orleans where he lived attending medical school and it was not that experience of getting shot and dying. I would come in for weekends and there was a plethora of activities going on. We took part in the Crescent City Classic as well as the Greek Festival with some killer food. We danced on the grounds of the Tad Gormley track stadium during an outdoor Jimmy Buffet concert. I know we hit Mardi Gras parades (where I was waiting to be shot, or mugged), Kentucky Derby parties and I'm sure we attended a Saints game. We hung out with his super smart science friends who were getting advanced degrees but really liked to party. Beyond that, there are so many activities that cities of that size have as compared to our beloved Baton Rouge. The downside is that there are so many people and so much traffic and you have to learn your way around. That is the killer for my parents. Too many people, too much traffic, too many unknowns.
I believe I had progressed in an unconscious way in getting over some of my fears instilled in childhood. And then I had PPD (post partum depression) that knocked me down to the ground flat and in ways that I wasn't even aware of. For some the anxiety is more intense than the depression factor. It has taken years to get over the anxiousness especially as a parent with all that you can worry about with having a child. I think yoga is helping me to relax and that is why I have really taken to it. So a spur of the moment trip to New Orleans, is a big deal. I didn't worry about where we would park, where we would eat, or if it would rain. Also, I no longer have to worry about breastfeeding, diapers, sippy cups, and all of the other paraphernalia. That is such a freeing feeling that we have no diaper bag. We still have an umbrella stroller, temper tantrums and contemplate if there is a children's menu but it is getting easier to be mobile and go with a little less forethought, which is what we did.
And it is not that the way my parents live is a bad thing, it is just that I want to live with less anxiety and still want to get out and experience more of the world, even if it is just a daytrip to The Big Easy, right now. And I just realized that wow, it was such a free and easy day in New Orleans and it hasn't been that way for several years and I really, really enjoyed it. Now it could be better without the whinos and foul odors here and there, but that is New Orleans, love it or leave it. I like to go and visit and then return home.