It is summer. Deep breath. No school schedule. No homework. No rushing to get out the door to get to school on time. No mandatory uniform washing on the weekend. It also means mosquito bites (which I have about 20 on my lower legs at the moment) and chlorine and my obsession with trying to keep Mallory's hair from being dry and green. There is humidity out the wazoo as well as afternoon rain showers which are a wonderful break from the heat. And again- no school schedule so that means I am chief entertainer, organizer, educator, referee, & nurse. There were three meltdowns yesterday for various and sundry reasons within a 2 hour span and none of them were mine, yet it just hit me that I SHOULD have had one. Why you ask? I realized all of the stress that I was feeling about the kids being off for summer, was misdirected. I was feeling worked up and angry It had much more to do with a major issue that I have been working through for the last months and I hit THE wall on it, and now am truly having to accept it. I had a short ugly cry and the release was immediate. I feel much more capable now to move on and tackle my children head on! For days, I felt this burden in the back of my mind and I needed to release it, I just had to wait until it boiled over.
Wow - such a lesson. Geneen Roth speaks of the pain that we avoid (by eating), that we feel we can't handle. I am going through that pain and it is not easy at all, but is SO necessary and it takes time. I CAN handle it and I am feeling so much more peace. I just need to let it out in safe ways. I feel so much better able to handle life now at this moment. I'm ready to make plans, and stay on top of the chaos which you have to do, to survive summer with young kids.
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