We are utilizing every square inch of our home. After we moved everything around for the girls to have separate bedrooms, the playroom ended up being the office that has a desk and computer, filing cabinets, a treadmill and a flat screen tv on the wall. The decrepit desktop that is in there produces much hot air and the morning sun shines in when I want to work out, so I put up blackout curtains and try to keep the computer off as much as possible. It is now dark, and quiet in there. After exercising and stretching, I really enjoy being in there even when the kids are at school. I think of it as my woman cave. I like having a dark place to go to. Evidently Mallory does too, she likes being in there with the lights off to watch her tv programs. And yesterday, Riley went in there to watch her program and asked me to turn the light off and shut the door when I left.
There is something in me that craves silence and stillness. I had to learned this about myself in a round about way and first, I fought it. When I would drop the last child off at school in the morning, I would feel so alone, especially if I had no particular plans involving human contact and I was just going home. The need to cry sprang up even though I was ecstatic at being without children. Could you get any more opposite feelings at the same exact time??! I wanted to just get rid of the feeling of loneliness, call someone and talk my way through it. Now I know that I need to acknowledge my feelings, whatever they are, however they spring up, not be shamed by them, or stuff them but let them out and respect them.
I now embrace that alone time. I savor every drop of it especially that there is not much of it in the summer. Acknowledging the feeling, immediately lets it go. It is amazing how that works. It doesn't fester and cause chronic stress. Today is Sunday, I sent the family to church without me. I told George the truth, I need to be in my house by myself. And I do have a sore throat but I must be honest, I may not attend church at all this summer! I have relished the quiet. I watched the second halves of two Oprahs that I have had in the cue for weeks. I took a soothing bath. I listened to part of my Geneen Roth online workshop. I am blogging. So many of my pleasurable centering activities! God IS in this activity. It is spiritual yet not religious. I am so seeing the difference these days.