Putting the Air Mask on First

During Christmas break, I tend to lose my marbles when the kids are home 24/7.  It's just the way it goes.  And every year, I forgot that this will occur, and finally after 13 years as a mom, I'm starting to catch on.    I get cranky, short-tempered and yearn for any adult conversation at Easter, Mardi Gras, Thanksgiving and Summer Vacation.  During this past Christmas break,  putting the air mask on first, what airlines tell you to do in preflight demonstration before you put the mask on your child, resonated with me big time.

It really sunk in.

It is one thing to have intellectual knowledge of a notion or idea it is another to put it in practice. (And for it to go well.)
I have read and talked about many parenting ideas that I know are right from an intellectual standpoint
yet putting ideas that I recognize to be good in practice requires much discomfort.

I saw an incremental change during the last school break. On the spur of the moment, I decided to go to yoga and leave the ten year old with the thirteen year old (and the ferocious guard dog and the alarm system on!)  The ten year old DOES NOT LIKE staying at home with the thirteen year old.   The thirteen year old who herself has Red Cross certification and one babysitting experience under her belt, DOES NOT WANT a sitter anymore. So what's standing in my way, is the beloved heart and nerves of a ten year old.  (On this particular occasion, my husband was able to leave later for work, and off I ran.)

But this time, I was going for it, no matter what.  Even though it made my ten year old uncomfortable, I wanted and needed to go.  In the past, I would have hedged back and forth, the child would have seen that I was hesitant and they would have gone for the jugular for me to do what they wanted.

The practice of yoga, feeds my soul and works out my body.   I feel refreshed, renewed, and mindful afterwards.  It is exactly what I needed to take on the rest of the day and school break.  And it hit me that this is what it means to put the air mask on first, because then you are better able to handle what comes your way.   This was actually practicing that idea with one caveat.

I would do things before that were FOR ME but I would feel GUILTY over it and WORRY the entire time.  This was one time, I walked away and left my worries at home and focused on myself for an entire hour.

It was almost better than an orgasm.

And it lasted longer.

I came home from yoga, went straight to Mallory and said, "I know you didn't want me to go and I appreciate your cooperation, I really love to practice yoga and it makes me feel really good" (...Laying the foundation for future yoga sessions)

And the kicker is this act of putting the air bag on first is teaching my children to take care of themselves.  Losing my mind and being short tempered, is not how I want to love my children or myself.

Taking care of me, helps me take care of them AND most importantly they learn from watching what I do.  Not what I say.  What I do.

Busy, Busy, Busy

School has started and all that free down time I thought I would have is gone like the wind as my extra-curricular activities are blooming big time. I have begun meeting with contractors for adding on a keeping room and all that entails. In some ways it is similar to my post about cleaning ladies and "they are just not into me." The one I want to call doesn't call and the one I don't feel I'm into, is calling... yet it will all work out in the end. And as my neighbor and good friend says, "It's just a stressful process!" And I had to be reminded of that to begin rolling with other people and their time lines and communication styles.

I volunteered to be Room Mom for Mallory's Pre K class. Yes, I got sucked into the vortex...but I have 2 other moms to help me with that so I'm hoping for the best! Those kids have seven parties during the school year. They are partiers those five year olds...I don't think I would have ever done this in the past, but here we are.

I have also been a part of a committee for an Ochsner fundraiser that will commence in November. I'm learning the nuts and bolts of throwing a cocktail fundraiser. This one includes a fashion show, gaming, and band and is called, Hot Hot Hot!

This week has been crazy. As Mallory's birthday is tomorrow, I realized on Monday, I had no presents, and no food to serve at the party at Little Gym. I had meetings, back to school night with room mom duties, hair appointment, dermatology appointment, and meetings with contractors. A full week. On top of that, getting ready for Adam Lambert on Sunday night. and that should be a story...

The Piano

Many moons ago, I was trying to get pregnant. And it was taking a long time. It was a terribly difficult struggle. Lots of waiting, waiting, waiting, day in, month out. Shots, blood draws, transvaginal ultrasounds, endlessly frustrating phone calls with insurance companies, doctor's offices. Many, many, many emotions and many, many, many tears. Advice was given to relax, destress... That was when I first tried yoga. I would do anything to become a mother. During this time of trying to destress, George and I decided to buy a piano as I had taken many years when I was younger. In grade school, I enjoyed hours upon hours of playing and singing my heart out. The former joy though never really reoccured during my time of infertility though, I wasn't feeling it.

Yesterday, Riley had her first ever piano lesson. She was the child we finally became pregnant with and carried to term. She is our little miracle. (And Mallory is our natural miracle!) And then as I sat with her to see what she had learned, it hit me that the piano has come full circle. I'm also verklempt that she is starting 2nd grade today and next week, my baby will start Pre-K at the "Big" school. I'm getting pretty sentimental as my 24/7 summer reign ends and I am handing them over to Dunham for several hours a day. I am finally getting some downtime, and some time to go after my own interests.

Riley loved her lesson. She was so excited about practicing. It made me want to play again.

I have a Woman Cave

We are utilizing every square inch of our home. After we moved everything around for the girls to have separate bedrooms, the playroom ended up being the office that has a desk and computer, filing cabinets, a treadmill and a flat screen tv on the wall. The decrepit desktop that is in there produces much hot air and the morning sun shines in when I want to work out, so I put up blackout curtains and try to keep the computer off as much as possible. It is now dark, and quiet in there. After exercising and stretching, I really enjoy being in there even when the kids are at school. I think of it as my woman cave. I like having a dark place to go to. Evidently Mallory does too, she likes being in there with the lights off to watch her tv programs. And yesterday, Riley went in there to watch her program and asked me to turn the light off and shut the door when I left.

There is something in me that craves silence and stillness. I had to learned this about myself in a round about way and first, I fought it. When I would drop the last child off at school in the morning, I would feel so alone, especially if I had no particular plans involving human contact and I was just going home. The need to cry sprang up even though I was ecstatic at being without children. Could you get any more opposite feelings at the same exact time??! I wanted to just get rid of the feeling of loneliness, call someone and talk my way through it. Now I know that I need to acknowledge my feelings, whatever they are, however they spring up, not be shamed by them, or stuff them but let them out and respect them.

I now embrace that alone time. I savor every drop of it especially that there is not much of it in the summer. Acknowledging the feeling, immediately lets it go. It is amazing how that works. It doesn't fester and cause chronic stress. Today is Sunday, I sent the family to church without me. I told George the truth, I need to be in my house by myself. And I do have a sore throat but I must be honest, I may not attend church at all this summer! I have relished the quiet. I watched the second halves of two Oprahs that I have had in the cue for weeks. I took a soothing bath. I listened to part of my Geneen Roth online workshop. I am blogging. So many of my pleasurable centering activities! God IS in this activity. It is spiritual yet not religious. I am so seeing the difference these days.

We are finished with preschool.

After five years of Mother's Day Out and one year of Preschool, we are finished. Mallory graduated yesterday! Very sweet ceremony - they wore paper caps and each class went up and had their name called and received a diploma, then they sang one too many songs about bugs. I didn't cry but was verklempt when the director gave me a rose for opening car doors in carpool which was quite fun, even in the rain. It was fun to see the fresh faces and how each was different. Some were raring to go, others were extremely reticent and had to be dragged. Some were talkative, and some were all business. The 15 minutes every Monday, made me think, hmmm, maybe I could work with children. What???!!!!

In 2004, Riley started the 2 year old Mother's Day Out program and I remember crying when I met the teacher. I was so excited and relieved to have a wonderful program for her to attend. Upon meeting the teacher, I knew we were in excellent hands. And then I teared up. So emotional, can you imagine, me, emotional?!!! After Mallory finished her year with the same teacher, I apologized to the teacher for crying and we laughed about it. We had a great 6 year run and now we are done. I will have to train the van not to drive to Jefferson Highway. I saw another mom nearly sobbing when we left the school yesterday. I understood what she was going through, but am also really freakin' happy that they will be at the same school next year. So there have been no tears yet, just a marking of the milestone.

Summer is over...

Well, it is here, I made it through the summer, Mallory is now in preschool full time finally as of yesterday, on September 17th!! Full time means 9 to 1 (and that is making her stay for lunch bunch) and some days extended until 2. I feel guilty for having her stay but extended means she gets to go back out on the playground if the weather is good. But we made it through the summer. I was worried about making it through intact. I am almost intact.

I am worn out though. All of the house business was draining. It was a wonderful process to get the house ready for sale and sell it but I don't think I have processed the letdown that although we made the best choice, we are staying put. I had been gearing up for something else and now, a completely different direction. That is what life if all about though. Riding the roller coaster.

I haven't been practicing regular yoga, or getting regular cardio and I know that has something to do with my malaise. There was at least 3 weeks where I did nothing but working on the house which was physical but not the once a week yoga that I promised myself. I'm ready for the regular exercise to give me some sort of a routine again. I got on the treadmill yesterday and it really felt good. I'm needing a routine, period. Mallory is at a new program at the same location we have been going tp and I'm learning the ropes for that one. Riley is now getting settled in her brand new school building and I've adjusted to BIG carpool at 3 pm.

I wasn't even able to go to my therapy on a regular basis. I hadn't been there in 6 weeks. I'm slowly gaining insight on my issues relating to food, weight and I am still working on that. (I read an article in More magazine about Sela Ward and she spoke of her ongoing therapy habits, I knew there was a reason I liked her, other than the fact that she was a Chi O!) I haven't had much adult time at all, and I know I need it. I am SO needing some adult time. I am beginning to send out my emails of who I can have lunch with starting next week.

I am beginning to get the groove of the stay at home mom, taking care of kids, schedule. The ebb and flow of the year. There is the summer, and not having to worry about getting out of the door by a certain time but keeping the kids occupied, managing the fighting, and everybody having a little fun but not too much. Then the school year kicks in, new grade, teacher, activities. There are opportunities to volunteer here there and yonder. The church "school year" also kicks in and there are opportunities there as well. The holidays will kick in, Halloween, Thanksgiving and then Christmas, which means a LOT of work, activities at school, church, & elsewhere, presents and parties. There is a lull in January and February and then starts the spring demands of Easter parties and vacation, dance recitals, and a plethora of end of school year activities. That is the flow, I was beginning to grasp it last year.

Okay, I am recombobulating now. It's time to get into the school year groove, finally. This will be my last year of going to two different schools. Mallory should be starting Dunham next Fall and the Open House for that is at the end of this month. There always seems to be something and I'm rolling. Yoga is this morning, yeah and Ommmmm! I don't really want to go but I know I NEED to go.

Day 2 of Summer

Here we are day two of my children's summer vacation, and I'm already feeling like it is going to be a long summer. I waver in my optimism versus pessimism outlook. We actually had a very good day yesterday, it was Memorial Day but my husband worked all day and we had swim lessons. My littlest one, Mallory did not want to swim, she was going to sit on the side but she ended up doing everything the instructor asked her but not without saying, "I don't want to do this" each and every time it was her turn to go. But the main motivator for her I believe was the bowl of lollipops sitting on the patio.

In a strain of it's a small world, the other two children who we are sharing the 1 pm time slot were the youngest children of my dentist. We've been going to him for years and I finally met his wife.

I was able to start the process of reorganizing our toy armoire, and get rid of some things which is a wonderful feeling. I need to go work some more now before the natives get restless. The only problem yesterday was that my dust allergies were stirred up in a massive way (sometimes it happens, sometimes not) and I felt horrible. Sitting by the pool stopped the nose and it was quite pleasant.

I've got quite a grocery list going and I've realized I'm beginning to really look forward to going to the store. I think that's why I realize it's going to be a long summer. The equation of how much I'm looking forward to a trip to Target is reflective of how desperate I am to get out the house!!! And I might have to variate it and break down and go to Walmart. I hate Walmart but it is something different. Here's to Day 2 of summer.