Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Feeling quite discombobulated yet...

I haven't posted in a week. Today I am feeling totally discombobulated, frustrated and I'm thinking it is hormonally related. I have so many loose ends going on - we moved three rooms of furniture around this weekend. The girls now have their own room, and we moved the office stuff in with what use to be the playroom with a treadmill. So, the closet contents need to be moved, wall hangings need to move, and there are 4 shelves of books on the ground in the dining room. "Books on the ground, looking like a fool with my books on the ground...."

The desktop computer is now in super slow mo since we moved it (and I don't know how to fix it) and it is Dunham online re-enrollment time. After entering the information on the registration page three different times!!!, it finally went through, yet now it won't print a hardcopy which I need to complete the process by the 5th of this month. Aaaarrrgggghhhh.
My Nook E-reader stopped working which has the book I am currently reading with my Sunday group. I hassled with those folks on the phone this morning and need to mail it back.
I have piles of "things" that need to go to my donation center, to consignment, and I'm trying to figure out storage for DVD's and CDs. Lots of piles. Not to mention the girls' scrapbook and materials spread out all over the dining room table as well.
I decided to let go of my cleaning lady - who could only come at 2 in the afternoon and there was a language barrier. I couldn't deal anymore. Luckily, my original lady is available again and she charges less but I get a little less.
So here I am in discombobulation, a very uneasy place for me to be, thank you hormones (I do know that there are worse places to be in but this is what I'm feeling today.) I use to get really paranoid and irritated at this PMS time of my cycle but now I'm working with it...if I feel sad, I cry. If I feel angry, I let myself feel angry. I journal. I'm allowing the emotions, and respecting them which is something I have not done in the past. I am nurturing myself and evidently I NEED this..
AND.....even with all of this discombobulation, I'M NOT TURNING TO FOOD FOR THE ANSWER!!!
This is HUGE. I'm not sure how long it will last but for about the last week, I have been eating when I'm hungry and what I really want and desire to eat. I am sitting down and enjoying my meals (most of the time!) and stopping when I'm full. There is the desire to eat more some of the time yet something seems to have clicked and I think, "I'm not hungry I need to move on." So I've been getting on Farmville which is a nonsense game on Facebook. It's a distraction until I get a better one and Riley likes to do it with me. Perhaps all of this long, painful work that I have been doing is finally coming to fruition when it comes to my eating. It has come to fruition in subtle changes of my world view but I have been painfully waiting for it to come around to my eating. Woo Hoo!!!! I am more ecstatic about this than even if the Saints win the Super Bowl but I'm not telling my Facebook friends because they seem to care a lot about this game. And I'm not ready to trust this behavior yet. Perhaps I don't trust myself?!
Okay, time to let go of the other stuff, I will get to each of these tasks in order of importance. It will get done....eventually. The piles will go to the proper places. Deep breathe. Thank you for reading, it is Little Gym time.

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