From "Sex and the City" to "Fifty Shades" and Feeling Wanted

I came across this young country singer named Hunter Hayes.   He is a homeboy who hails from Breaux Bridge, LA.   I listened to one of his songs called "Wanted" and it made me chuckle.  I downloaded it from iTunes and it is one of only four songs that I am able to listen to on my new Iphone.  (I REALLY need to figure out how to load the songs from my old phone.)

I listen to the song now repeatedly when I walk the dog and it makes me chuckle each and every time.  I think of my high school boyfriend.  We spent a lot of time alone unsupervised at his house, and in this one instance, he told me he "wanted" me.  I naively responded, "what do you want me to do?"

He had to explain it.

This both makes me laugh and it makes me sad.  It brings up lots of angst regarding my lack of sexual education and a resulting attitudes that sex was something shameful, wrong and to be hidden.  I now understand sex as an integral part of how we were made, and it's importance in committed relationships.  It was the Big Guy (or Gal)  who made us sexual beings after all!

I even had a hard time admitting how much I enjoyed watching "Sex and the City" back when it originally aired because A) sex was in the title and B) these were four women having sex outside the bonds of matrimony.  All to be considered bad, bad, bad.  Yet I LOVED this series for so many reasons.   I still watch reruns that I have seen numerous times and it is like spending time with an old friend.

My lack of sex education and desire to change it, made me extremely receptive to a sex therapist, Dr. Laura Berman, whom I saw on Oprah.  She is so forthright, comfortable and delivers the best information regarding all aspects of sexuality.  She's the bomb.

And months ago, I read all three of the "Fifty Shades" books (and thoroughly enjoyed them, thus why I read ALL three...)  I could not admit that either.  I had difficulty sharing with even my closest friends.  My old wiring said, oh, this is "bad."  My new wiring said, okay, it contains mutually consented S&M,  but more importantly, I learned that I like erotic literature and it is a wonderful tool to add some spark into my 16 year old marriage.

There I said it.

And it feels good!

Now, I did not admit it to my Sunday night study at church of mixed company.  It was brought up in a negative light and I failed to mention that I read them.  This I guess might be a sin of omission.

I can live with it.

For now.