What does Resurrection really mean?

I taped a The Best of Oprah Show with Marianne Williamson.  It sat in my DVR for a while.  And then something pushed me to watch it.  I was about to delete and bam - out comes mention of resurrection.

Whaaaaat?

Marianne Williamson - new age spiritual guru mentions resurrection?  (My idea of who she is does not fit in with this but....I am wrong!)

And yet this is the BEST kind of resurrection I have heard of!

My religious baggage makes me so uncomfortable about "Jesus" talk or what I would call old school bible teachings.  This would include talk of blood, sin, calvary, Armageddon, the devil, to name just a few topics off the top of my head.  In this type of Bible teaching,  I heard judgement, judgement, judgement.  I have been judging myself unmercifully for forty-five years, I do not need any more talk of telling me what is wrong with myself.  I need to hear what is right.  I need to hear that God made me perfect as I am.  And that is the divine within.  Recognizing the divine within, the gig is up, it is all about LOVE.

ALL ABOUT LOVE!

Yes, I was screaming that.

Now back to Marianne on my DVR, she is saying a lot that is making so much sense but then I catch this little bit that blows me away:  "The meaning of the word resurrection is the mind lifting up into a new kind of thinking."  She speaks of the Grace of God and that grace allowing us to switch from the victim modality, "this is so terrible" (and for me, I'll never get over this, whatever this is) to one of healing ourselves.   Changing the track that our brain and mind usually play out.

A new kind of thinking.

Yes, she's talking about mindfulness. My favorite subject.  {smile}

Jesus wasn't trying to judge us.  He was trying to show us how to love.  Love ourselves and each other.  During the process of learning to love myself, I just naturally love others in the process, even those who drive me crazy.   When you feel that spark of divine within, you are drawn to give it away.

Somehow I listened to that little intuition that I needed to watch that show.  I needed to hear this.  This idea of resurrection changes not just the track of my brain but it confirms the changes that I'm made in the track of my life.  It reconfirms so many lessons.  So many different people from different walks of life but saying the same idea, in different language, in different ways.

Namaste!

Finding happiness...Within yourself?

I have had messages that come through with the same meaning from different sources and I am learning to pay attention. One via a Facebook friend's post and that was from Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr: "It's all a matter of becoming who we already are."

Hmmmm.

And then I saw J.K. Rowling on Oprah, and I have not read or watched one Harry Potter movie but I thoroughly enjoyed her fascinating story. But when she said the following, it made my hairs stand up. Oprah asked what her dream of happiness is and she replies, that in the first Harry Potter book, Dubbledorf says to Harry, "The happiest man alive would look in the mirror and see himself exactly as he is."

I have been coming to grips with looking in the mirror and knowing who I TRULY am for a couple of years now. It is a slow process but one in which I am making headway. I am able to see myself more and more clearly and accept all facets of myself even the ones that I think aren't so wonderful, and some of which I am seeing for the first time. I use to think the process was "out there" somewhere. To be "happy" I needed to go out and conquer the world in some way, lose so many pounds, or be exactly on target with life's plans. And you know that saying what happens when you make plans. The messages keep coming and I know now It's about the internal process and enjoying the moment right now. I am treasuring each moment with my children, (And some are easier than others, we are currently on Day 5 of togetherness with George on call and Spring break!!) but I know what blessings they are. They bless my life in ways I could never have imagined before I had them. I love being able to go through the amazement and wonderment of life through their eyes.

And lastly, another quote that is attributed to Marianne Williamson.

Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.

Wow. The love is there. The higher power put it there from the beginning. And the barriers are there from family conditioning and one's own personality. I am digging deep to find it and allow it out with all the pain and grieving that comes with it. But the barriers are coming down slowly.

A visit with a Physics Professor

On a recent trip to my oft visited Ochsner Clinic, this time was actually for me to check on my foot problem, I was having a day full of emotions, lots of crying and sadness. Grieving situations that will not change and over which I have no control except for letting it go. I was sitting in the waiting room, and a kind looking older Indian man walked by and we smiled at each other. We spoke, and I said I thought I knew him from somewhere and he took my hand and said that it didn't matter if we did or didn't, we were enjoying THIS moment right now. I knew exactly what he was saying as Eckhart Tolle IS in my library. I had been prepped by over 2 years of therapy. I had been prepped by my Spiritual Quest studies. I had been prepped by watching Oprah for many, many years. I understood what he was saying.

We did eventually deduce that his grandaughter attended Dunham and I had seen him there. We sat and talked for a long time while we both waited. It was the most pleasant encounter with a total stranger and it was such a bonus to experience it on THAT day and I believe it was a holy spirit led interaction. We discussed the fact that I was into Psychology/Counseling and he is a Physics professor. Immediately I thought, well that's over my head. But we continued talking and I had pulled my phone out to look up the cause of my foot pain. He asked me to look up the Institute of All National Advanced Studies of which he cofounded, so I did. I read what Wikipedia had to say, and one line said that the group believed that "inner peace within each individual is vital to the establishment of meaningful world peace." I looked up and said, "Well, Mr. Physics, we might have more in common that what Miss Psychology previously thought" And we laughed. And I have since looked into physics and that is more about energy flow and understanding things that are not easily defined by hard science.

We laughed together many times. We chatted about life. And he told me more than one time how I had a beautiful aura. In my heart, I know I do. In my heart I know I'm heading towards what I am thinking is a hippie like, free love state minus the drugs and sex with strangers and inclusive of a Higher Being! For the last 2+ years, I just keep thinking Birkenstocks in my head and you know my new orthopedic shoes aren't that far from them!!. But as he said the words about my aura, I knew it and I know I feel myself moving towards more love, less fear, less anxiety, less judgement of myself and others. It is a very freeing place to move towards. And the weekend that I had at a Richard Rohr seminar only continued the theme of my journey. All things that I am led toward keep giving me the same answers. Hmmmmm.

All Creatures Great and Small

A few weeks past was Mardi Gras week. The kids were all mine for the week off of school and we didn't go anywhere, as most of Baton Rouge who went to Disney. And yet, I didn't freak out and I haven't in a while. My old mode of operation was a large doses of fear that I guess I would go crazy with so much unstructured time with my two offspring. I think some of this is left over from postpartum depression. Well, I did not go crazy. The week almost flew by with of course, some pre-planned activities. George took the day off on Friday. We went to the New Orleans Zoo and it was a spectacular spring day. On Satuday, we had massive yard work to attend to. I realized on Sunday evening that George and I had not had one difference of opinion the whole time. Wow! How could that be??!!

We had such a good time at the zoo. We spent four and a half hours walking with no stroller, no anything. We just got up and went, but George, Mr. Prepared, did bring sunscreen. We walked around in amazement at all of the wonderful creatures. Mallory loved the feet marks of the animals in the bathroom almost as much as the flamingoes or looking at animal poop. I love her sense of wonder and know that when I feel that same sense of wonder, I am feeling very blessed, that is what life is all about. Riley took pictures and read the map. Looking at all of the strollers and sippy cups, I realized we have come a long way and in more than one way.

Monday I was thrilled to be by myself in the house again with the girls back in school. But then I felt so discombobulated. And I ate. And then I felt so shamed that I ate past the feeling of full. I skewer myself for not living up to where I think I should be. And I just don't understand. So many positives, so much I have learned and put into place. What is going on? And then I pick up and start reading "A Course in Weight Loss" by Marianne Williamson a few days later. I have just begun the book and love it because it is all about spirituality and she describes making the all important and difficult shift from fear to love. With my ongoing therapy, I GET this. I really get this and I believe it wholeheartedly that is the journey I am on and it's a complicated process. She describes that with any "serous journey of self discovery, there are days when we detour into darkness as we make our way toward light." There is no smooth path. I can't have it yesterday.

What gave me my aha moment of understanding was as Marianne describes, as love is brought up, and we feel we are "moving towards a solution, the problem jumps up and grabs us by the throat." Again...I get that. I want to have lost weight, not just yesterday but years ago. And this is what I am not good at, and am learning is, to be kind to myself. I have stuffed emotions for years and now I am learning how to deal with them as they come out. I don't try to repress them, and this is new territory, new skills are being learned.

I am not giving up, so now I take a deep breath and maybe even a nap like this black bear did at the zoo, try not to beat myself up and love myself. This too shall pass. I will stay intentional.